YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.23

Donald Трамп gave a campaign speech in Arizona last night and identified himself as the main victim of the furor over the violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. He also seemed to take the side of Neo-Nazis and others in the white nationalist movement who want to keep Confederate symbols flying in the South.

“They’re trying to take away our culture. They’re trying to take away our history,” Трамп told the crowd. He blamed, “weak, weak people” for allowing the removal of statues commemorating the Confederacy.

After the speech Трамп also complained to aides, “It was like I was the one who was hit by a car. It’s worse than being killed by a speeding car. Worse. And it’s all sides. There was probably people on the left running over people with cars. Democrats do that all the time. Someone’s probably going to try and run me over tonight! But do the media cover that? No! WILL SOMEONE GET MY DAMNED ICE CREAM? AND YES I WANT THREE SCOOPS TONIGHT I DID A HELL OF A JOB ON THAT SPEECH!”

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North Korea’s own version of Donald Трамп, dear leader Kim Jong-Un, released new photos through North Korean state media that showed a diagram for a new nuclear missile called “Pukguksong-3,” which appears to be the latest in its Pukguksong, or Polaris, series. The photo was one of several showing new nuclear missile types.

Some Resistance sources in the United States dispute this account, and claim that Donald Трамп is more like America’s version of Kim Jong-Un.

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White nationalist Christopher Cantwell of Keene, New Hampshire turned himself in to authorities for crimes he committed on the campus of the University of Virginia. He was charged with three felonies, including using pepper-spray on people.

Sources say that Donald Трамп may pardon him because, “Hey, who hasn’t wanted to pepper-spray a Democrat?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump on the rampage in Arizona
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/23/politics/donald-trump-phoenix-rally-analysis/index.html

North Korean Pictures Appear to Show Designs for New Missiles
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/north-korean-pictures-appear-show-designs-new-missiles-n795126

White nationalist Christopher Cantwell says he’ll turn himself in
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/08/23/white-nationalist-christopher-cantwell-says-hell-turn-himself/592770001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.22

Yesterday human meatloaf Donald Трамп delivered a primetime speech outlining his Afghanistan strategy. Today, Donald Трамп will hold a campaign-style rally in Phoenix.

And tomorrow, Трамп will probably take another golf vacation

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Donald Трамп announced his vague approach to dealing with the ongoing U.S. war in Afghanistan yesterday at Ft. Myer in Arlington, Virginia. Трамп told the crowd that his, “original instinct was to pull out, and historically I like following my instincts.”

“But just like with Melania, I realized, if I pull out, I might not get what I wanted. Had I done that, had I followed my instincts, I wouldn’t have Barron today. I want to help Afghanistan get pregnant with Freedom, so we’re not pulling out,” Трамп said in an untelevised portion of the speech that he delivered in his new White House bathroom.

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Navy and Marine Corps divers on Tuesday located the remains of some of the 10 sailors missing from the USS John S. McCain following its collision with an oil tanker off the Malaysia coast, the Navy said Tuesday.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп sighed heavily and said, “Look fake news media, the ship’s named John. S. MCCAIN. So go bother McCain about this. It’s his boat. IT’S HIS BOAT! Leave me alone I have important work to do!”

Трамп then drove away on his golf cart, hoping to shave 2 strokes off of the back 9.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump set to hold campaign-style rally in Phoenix
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/22/politics/trump-phoenix-rally/index.html

‘Attack We Will’: Trump Vows Victory in Afghanistan, Stays Silent on Troop Levels
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/military/attack-we-will-trump-vows-victory-afghanistan-stays-silent-troop-n794651

USS John S. McCain: Remains of missing sailors found
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/08/22/uss-john-s-mccain-divers-search/588809001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.21

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп will address the nation at 9 p.m. ET to unveil his plan to escalate the ongoing war in Afghanistan.

White House aides say that escalating the Afghanistan war may be their best shot at pulling Трамп out of historically low disapproval ratings. “We thought going after North Korea would do it, but it had the opposite effect,” one Aide said from behind a bathroom stall near the White House gift shop.

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10 US Navy sailors from the USS John S. McCain are missing after their guided-missile destroyer collided with a larger oil tanker off Singapore.

Donald Трамп has asked the media to bother John McCain about this incident. “It’s his ship, has his name on it, he broke it, he bought it, bother him, it’s him fault. IT AM HIM FAULT,” Трамп was heard to say as he wandered aimlessly down a White House corridor away from reporters.

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Secret Service Director Randolph “Tex” Alles, in an interview with USA TODAY, said the Secret Service can no longer pay more than 1,000 agents because they’ve run out of funding for the year due to the size of Donald Трамп’s family, the number of properties they own, and the sheer number of trips everyone has taken. Secret Service funding was intended to last through the year.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп asked an aide, “Is that guy’s name really Tex? Do you think Tex likes TexMex? Let’s have him over for a taco bowl the next time there’s a Mexican holiday like that Cinco de Mayonaise or whatever it is.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump to ask Americans to trust him on Afghanistan
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/21/politics/donald-trump-afghanistan-speech/index.html

U.S. Destroyer Collides With Tanker Off Singapore; 10 Missing
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/navy-destroyer-uss-john-s-mccain-collides-merchant-ship-east-n794386

Exclusive: Secret Service depletes funds to pay agents because of Trump’s frequent travel, large family
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/08/21/secret-service-cant-pay-agents-because-trumps-frequent-travel-large-family/529075001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.20

Talking trash-heap Donald Трамп wished walking pile of moldy spam Steve Bannon well upon his return to work at white nationalist website Breitbart News, tweeting Saturday, “Fake News needs the competition!”

Several activists wishing to remain anonymous agreed with Donald Трамп that, yes, Breitbart is Fake News.

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Satellite imagery recently revealed that a two-square mile section of Greenland has been on fire since July 31st of this year. The arctic island has been losing ice over the last few years due to global warming. The fire is the largest recorded in Greenland since 2000.

Top scientists at the United Nations believe that the fire is a portal to Hell that opened up to allow Steve Bannon to return home in anticipation of his White House resignation.

Greenland’s top demonologist Ajiaĸ Lundblad disagrees that the Hell Portal opened up for Steve Bannon. Lundblad told reporters that, “I’m pretty sure this portal is for that HYDRA Nazi guy Seb Gorka.”

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Comic trailblazer and civil rights activist Dick Gregory died on Saturday at age 84.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп said, “I thought that guy’s name was Frederick Douglass?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump to Bannon on Breitbart gig: ‘Fake News needs the competition’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/19/politics/trump-tweets-good-luck-bannon/index.html

An Unusually Large Wildfire Has Burned for Weeks in Icy Greenland
http://www.nbcnews.com/science/science-news/unusually-large-wildfire-has-burned-weeks-icy-greenland-n793511

Dick Gregory, legendary comic and civil rights activist, dies at 84
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2017/08/19/dick-gregory-legendary-comic-and-civil-rights-activist-dies-84/583899001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.19

Charlottesville Mayor Mike Signer voted against moving the Robert E. Lee statue out of a city park. Now Signer has changed his mind. He wants Lee gone ASAP.

“All of a sudden these statues of Civil War generals installed in the Jim Crow era, they became touchstones of terror,” he continued.

Yes Mr. Singer, indeed, all of a sudden statues installed to terrify black people in the South during the Jim Crow era when they were segregated, beaten, burned out of their homes, lynched from trees, jailed unjustly, forced into so-called separate but equal bathrooms, schools, lunch counters, forced to sit in the backs of busses and endure low wages, daily onslaughts of racist epithets and more, some of which continues to this day, yes, all of a sudden those statues have all of a sudden become touchstones of terror.

Who could have known that all of a sudden these statues of Civil War generals installed in the Jim Crow era would all of a sudden become touchestones of terror? Who indeed?

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Six police officers were shot, one of them fatally, in three separate gun incidents in Florida and Pennsylvania late Friday, officials said.

A spokesperson from the Трамп regime said the White House is still deciding who to blame for the incidents. “Mr. Трамп is leaning towards blaming violent illegal immigrants, but may decide to blame Black Lives Matters and all of those liberals instead.”

The White House is fairly certain at this time that Mr. Трамп plans to botch sending public condolences to the slain officer’s families.

There’s no word yet if he’ll botch them as badly as he botched his remarks on Charlottesville.

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Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп and Melania Trump will not participate in this year’s annual Kennedy Center Honors ceremony to avoid any “political distraction.” Several attendees had announced they were boycotting a White House reception that is typically held before the ceremony.

A White House spokesman clarified that by political distraction, Donald Трамп meant, “jokes made at my expense and booing.”

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I dunno. The Kennedy Center Honors are held in December, typically. Like, the ceremony is at the start of the month, then the awards are broadcast at the end, around Christmas. Maybe Donald Трамп already knows he won’t be President anymore by then.

It would be a Christmas miracle!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Charlottesville mayor: I changed my mind about Confederate monuments
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/18/us/charlottesville-mayor/index.html

6 Police Officers Shot in Florida and Pennsylvania, 1 Killed and 5 Wounded
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/6-police-officers-shot-florida-pennsylvania-1-killed-5-wounded-n794121

Trump, First Lady pull out of annual Kennedy Center Honors ceremony to avoid ‘political distraction’ for honorees
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/08/19/trump-first-lady-pull-out-annual-kennedy-center-honors-program-avoid-any-political-distraction-forho/582818001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.18

Steve Bannon returned to Breitbart News as executive chairman on Friday following his resignation from the White House and chaired the white nationalist news organization’s evening editorial meeting.

Sources say that Bannon is using a temporary sarcophagus to sleep in until his full chamber can be moved from the White House bowling alley back to Breitbart News. A spokesperson for Breitbart told news sources that, “It’s tricky moving Bannon’s sleeping chambers. You have to do all of these demon rites, if you get one wrong, you can get sucked into a hell dimension.”

Bannon will continue using Kellyanne Conway as his horcrux despite leaving the White House.

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A group of white nationalists calling themselves simply “libertarians and conservatives” is planning a “Boston Free Speech Rally” this weekend.

The “rally” is “expected” to be about “family values” like “reverse-racism is real” and “How to be an Alpha Male and red pill your way to bedroom success.”

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Billionaire Carl Icahn Friday announced his departure as a special adviser to President Trump on regulatory reform, saying he wanted to avoid “partisan bickering” that “cloud” the White House administration.

After the announcement, millions of Americans asked outloud, “Who’s Carl Icahn?”

Seriously, what does that guy do?

FYI: Whoever knows the answer to “Who’s Carl Icahn” is probably the one friend that like, always figures out how much everyone owes for the tip when you eat out together.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Steve Bannon returns to Breitbart after ouster from White House
http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/18/media/steve-bannon-returns-breitbart/index.html

Thousands Expected to Attend Boston Protests of Right-Wing Rally
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/after-charlottesville-thousands-expected-attend-boston-counter-protests-right-wing-n793756

Carl Icahn steps down as special regulatory adviser to President Trump
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/08/18/carl-icahn-steps-down-special-regulatory-adviser-president-trump/581733001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.17

Yesterday, at 1:14pm ET Donald Трамп announced on Twitter that he was disbanding “the Manufacturing Council & Strategy & Policy Forum,” after a wave of CEOs quit both councils over Трамп’s remarks in support of white nationalists over the past few days.

But it turned out that the CEOs themselves had already decided to end the two councils, and had told the White House about their decision minutes before Трамп tweeted.

In related news, White House aides say Трамп is planning to announce that he’s, “Blotting out the sun on August 21st to show you who’s really in charge!” The White House says Трамп will make the sun appear as a black dot in the sky with a glowing ring around it. “If he’s pleased with the people, Трамп promises to bring the sun back,” an aide said.

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South Korean President Moon Jae-in gave a televised news conference last Thursday and said there would be no war with North Korea.

After being informed of the news, popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп screamed to his aides, “That Moon guy doesn’t decide if there’s a war, I decide if there’s a war! I’m the sun, and I’m way better than the Moon! I’m the sun! I’m the sun!”

Reports say that Трамп continued screaming “I’m the sun!” from his bathroom until someone brought him two scoops of ice-cream.

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A new study finds that children spanked when they were as young as 15 months old displayed negative temperament and were less likely to show positive behaviors in the fifth grade and even into their teenage years. Apparently, hitting people as they’re forming their personalities can scar them even a decade or more later.

In related news, studies say that AFTER someone has formed their personality, hitting them might be okay under certain circumstances. Like, say, if they’re a literal Nazi attacking with you in sticks in Charlottesville. As one scientist put it, “Yeah, it’s okay to punch Nazis when they’re hitting you, why are you asking me that? That’s kind of a dumb question.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

What happened behind the scenes as Trump’s business councils fell apart
http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/16/news/companies/trump-business-councils/index.html

South Korea’s Moon Confident There’ll Be No War With North
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/south-korea-s-moon-confident-there-ll-be-no-war-n793416

Harmful effects of spanking a toddler can trigger bad behavior — even 10 years later
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/08/16/harmful-effects-spanking-toddler-can-trigger-bad-behavior-even-10-years-later/562203001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.16

Republican lawmakers Lindsey Graham, Marco Rubio, Cory Gardner, John Kasich and others gathered together recently to denounce Donald Трамп’s apparent support for white nationalism.

When asked if they would Impeach the President and hold hearings to determine his fitness for office, all of the Republicans gathered said, “Oh, no no no no no not doing that don’t be silly.”

Each then pretended to get a phone call then wandered out of the room.

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Chief of Staff John Kelly was apparently stunned after popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп defended the actions of neo-Nazis who instigated racist violence in Charlottesville, saying that there were, “fine people on both sides.” Neo-Nazis inuured several people in Charlottesville over the weekend, including nearly beating to death Charlottesville resident Deandre Harris and murdering Heather Hayes by running her over with a car.

Kelly later clarified that he was surprised that Трамп said this outloud to the public. “I mean, he talks like this all the time in the White House, but I was just stunned he told people. It’d be like telling people he sexually assaulted a woman while on the campaign trail!”

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Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Wednesday that, “the white supremacist, KKK, and neo-Nazi groups who brought hatred and violence to Charlottesville are now planning a rally in Lexington. Their messages of hate and bigotry are not welcome in Kentucky and should not be welcome anywhere in America.”

When asked if he would stop his messages and aid to restrict the voting rights of African-Americans as a way to stand up to hate and violence, McConnell pulled his head into his body and crawled of the room.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Here are the Republicans denouncing Trump by name
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/16/politics/republicans-list-denouncing-trump-by-name/index.html

He ‘Went Rogue’: President Trump’s Staff Stunned After Latest Charlottesville Remarks
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/he-went-rogue-president-trump-s-staff-stunned-after-latest-n793091

Mitch McConnell: ‘We all have a responsibility to stand against hate and violence’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/16/mitch-mcconnell-we-all-have-responsibility-stand-against-hate-and-violence/572265001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.15

US spy satellites spotted a mobile missile launcher capable of launching an intermediate range ballistic missile being aimed at Guam in preparation for a possible launch.

Officials in the Трамп regime are preparing for a probable Twitter tantrum from Donald Трамп in response. Said one official, “Трамп is hoping to provoke a launch on Guam by noon today, before he heads back to his golf course in New Jersey.”

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NBC News reported that hundreds of protesters gathered along Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue near  Трамп Tower on Monday evening, shouting angry slogans and holding signs with crossed-out swastikas and Confederate imagery.

Another way to report this headline would be, “Thousands of demonstrators gathered near Трамп Tower on Monday for four hours, condemning the bigotry of Donald Трамп.”

When asked how they came up with their estimate of hundreds, a spokesperson for NBC News said, “technically a thousand people is like 10 hundred, so, we like stand by that.”

NOTE: I was there, it was 1,000-2,000 people packed on the sidewalks.

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Intel CEO Brian Krzanich stepped down from the Трамп Regime’s business advisory council late Monday over Donald Трамп’s lack of response to a white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia.

A spokesperson for the Трамп regime said they’re planning to ask the head of white nationalist website The Daily Stormer to replace Mr. Krzanich. “I couldn’t even pronounce that guys name anyway!” Трамп shouted from a toilet in Трамп Tower as he prepared to Трамп Tweet.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US spy satellites detect activity in N. Korea
http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/08/14/north-korea-spy-satellite-sciutto-dnt-tsr.cnn

NYC Protesters to Trump After Charlottesville: ‘You Have Blood On Your Hands’
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/protesters-trump-after-charlottesville-you-have-blood-your-hands-n792696

Intel CEO joins Merck, Under Armour in quitting Trump’s jobs council
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/08/15/intel-ceo-joins-merck-under-armour-quitting-trumps-jobs-council/567606001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.14

The white nationalist who killed Charlottesville activist and resident Heather Heyer on Saturday by running over her with a Dodge Charger held extreme views, one of his former teachers told CNN on Sunday.

Derek Weimer, the former social studies teacher of the suspect, told CNN that the murderer, “… really had a fondness for Adolf Hitler.”

After being informed of the news, an official in the Трамп regime said, “What’s the big deal, a lot of have fondness for Adolf Hitler, too?” before being rushed away by agents of HYDRA.

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USA Today reported that many of the voters who backed popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп but some are growing concerned with the way he’s doing the job of President.

So far unconcerned? Core Трамп supporters like Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke!

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Current Vice President and possible head vampire Mike Pence defended Donald Трамп‘s response to the deadly violence at a white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, than on condemning the violence itself. Трамп claimed that the problem was violence, “on all sides,” rather than violence from White Nationalists.

Pence said he took issue with, “the fact that many in the media are spending more time criticizing how the president addressed the issue yesterday.”

When someone pointed out that news media like The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi website, praised Трамп’s remarks for not singling out American Nazis despite all the violence they engaged in, Pence bit the neck of a White House intern, drained their blood, then hissed as he turned into a cloud of smoke and left the room.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Teacher: Charlottesville car crash suspect discussed radical views
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/12/us/charlottesville-car-crash-suspect-idd/index.html

Trouble in Trumpland: The president’s core supporters begin to worry
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/08/14/trumps-core-supporters-begin-worry-future-success/561903001/

Pence Defends Trump From Critics of Charlottesville Remarks
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pence-defends-trump-critics-charlottesville-remarks-n792291

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