YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2016.10.30

For the first time ever, biology researchers have seen an egg-laying shark embryo with two heads and two hearts! It was hidden among 797 other embryos in cold storage in Malaga, Spain.

Still missing: Donald Trump’s heart.

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In Iceland, the radical Pirate Party (not to be confused with the New Radicals or that Radical Skateboard Party at Dave Johnson’s House next weekend), made significant gains in their most recent election, but not enough to take control.

Asked for a comment, the leader of the Icelandic Pirate Party said, “Argh, we shant be in charge of the keel-haulin’ this session, but we may yet find that hidden treasure, argh.” Because they’re pirates. That’s how pirates talk. That’s. Um. Moving on.

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Diwali, the Hindu festival lights celebrated every autumn started today. For many Hindus, Diwali is the most important time of the whole year, and is a time to which they hold a deep spiritual connection.

For many Americans, Diwali is that holiday that was on that one episode of that show that used to be on, what was it? The Office? There was an Office episode about that. Oh, man, I loved that guy on it, the one in that 40 year old guy movie. Do you know what I’m talking about?

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