YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2016.10.31

Experts on CNN recently reported that viewing violent and scary things is good for you. Yeah, apparently viewing violent and scary entertainment in large groups helps people bond as they scream, cry, and throw-up together, then talk about how they survived the experience.

CNN then immediately cut to a clip of a Donald Trump talking and ran the chiron, “Watching This Horrible Monster Speak Is Great For Our Ratings AND Your Mental Health!”

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An important status symbol for ultra-rich oil barons in the United Arab Emirates is a car with a single-digit license plate. Recently, a Dubai property developer spent $9 million dollars at a government auction to get a license plate bearing the number 5. Last year he spent $6.7 million dollars to win the number 9 license plate.

This morning, I spent $3.45 on my Starbucks and felt like I paid too much.

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A man in China jumped a fence at the Nanchang Zoo recently to get a closer look at LingLing, a sleeping Giant Panda, but got wrestled to the ground and subdued by the Panda. Apparently, the man did it to impress some women he was with.

Yes, because nothing impresses women more than getting wrestled to the ground by a giant living teddy bear named ‘LingLing.’

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