YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2016.11.07

Congressman and civil rights icon Elijah Cummings on Sunday afternoon slammed Donald “It’ll Be Yuuge” Trump for his frequent claims stories about Hillary Clinton’s emails are “bigger than Watergate.” Cummings said in no uncertain terms that Trump, “didn’t even know what the hell he was talking about.”

In fairness, Trump may have just been counting the number of stories covered, since there certainly have been more headlines about emails than there were about Nixon’s Watergate crimes!

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Speaking of Trump, did you hear the latest from him on Twitter? Probably not, because it turns out his campaign has taken away Trump’s tweeting privileges. Yeah, Trump is not allowed to use twitter, out of fear he could say something obnoxious in a tweet.

Taking away his twitter privileges sounds like the kind of thing you do when a 12 year old won’t mow the lawn.

NOTE: Dear America, please remember that you would never give a 12 year old who won’t mow the lawn control over nuclear weapons, because he’d totally nuke all the teachers at his junior high school!

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Cushing, Oklahoma (deep in the heart of Trump territory), recently experienced a 5.0-magnitude earthquake centered near one of the world’s key oil hubs. The earthquake brought down buildings, facades and broke a few windows, and was felt in Iowa, Illinois and Texas. An area scientist noted to a group of reporters that the most likely cause of the Earthquake was due to excessive hydraulic fracking.

As soon as the scientist was finished speaking, God appeared and said, “sorry guys, that was me, I caused the Oklahoma earthquake, because you’re all voting for Trump and that’s messed up.”

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