YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2016.11.16

Well, it’s been over a week since the 2016 election. And while Hillary Clinton has clearly won the popular vote, and there are still ballots left to count in Michigan and a few other states, the President Elect is still, clearly. Donald Trump.

Many voters have been left despondent, but ready to fight back. Recently in Portland, hundreds of anarchists protested the election of Donald Trump and caused $1 million in property damage. A local news source looked into the voting records of the protestors, and it turned out less than 30 of the hundreds involved had actually voted in the previous election.

Asked for comment on this news, Secretary Clinton replied, “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFNCK!”

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Trump’s made a lot of promises, including a big promise to stem the flow of drugs coming into the United States from Mexico. But it turns out, most of the drugs flowing into the country actually come from China! Yes, most of the chemicals used in the production of synthetic heroin, methamphetimine, and more, are imported into China.

When asked how he planned to deal with the flow of these drugs via China, Trump suggested that he would build a wall, a Great Wall if you will, to stem the flow of drugs.

After someone pointed out that China already has a Great Wall, Trump replied, “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFNCK!”

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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who had been leading the Trump transition team with the White House, was recently ousted from his position as head of the transition team in an unceremonious firing the day after Trump was declared winner of the 2016 Presidential election. Rumors are that this firing was encouraged by Trump’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who’s family holds a grudge against Christie over a criminal tax evasion case Christie prosecuted against his father, Charles Kushner.

So, Christie prosecutes a guy for tax evasion, the guy’s son marries Trump’s daughter, Trump runs for President, Christie comes along, Christie ends up in hot water with a potential indictment over the bridgegate scandal, Christie destroys his credibility, and then the first chance team Trump gets, they toss him out, without even a sign that he could get a Presidential pardon in the future.

Asked for comment on this news, Chris Christie replied, “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFNCK!”

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Thanks for reading, be well my mashed potatoes, and as they say in New York a lot these days, “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFNCK!”

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