YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2016.11.18

Well, good news everyone! President-elect Donald Trump is back on Twitter, and just this Thursday he let us know we had him to thank for stopping Ford from moving jobs from Kentucky to Mexico!

Trump tweeted, “I worked hard with Bill Ford to keep the Lincoln plant in Kentucky. I owed it to the great State of Kentucky for their confidence in me!.” Media outlets like CNN and others let us know about the great news!

However, when asked for a comment, Ford reiterated that they never made any plans to move the Louisville, Kentucky assembly plant to Mexico.

BREAKING: I just heard that Trump is happy he could give us all the Supermoon earlier this week, too, and that the choco rations are going to be UP just in time for Christmas, so thank you Trump. ALL PRAISE TRUMP!

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In other dystopian news, have you heard about Apple’s hottest new product? It’s a $299 coffee table book that features photos of its past products. “Designed by Apple in California” begins with the 1998 iMac and ends with the 2015 Apple Pencil, a stylus for the iPad Pro.

In related news, Apple has just announced it’s new iCrayon and iColoringBook, which is just, like, one white crayon, one gray crayon, and 100 pages of it’s logo. All yours for only $399, or $599 with wifi.

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At the BBC Future summit in Australia, Veena Sahajwalla, Director of the Centre for Sustainable Materials Research & Technology at the University of New South Wales, believes that a new micro-factory movement, focused on harvesting raw materials from cellphones, is a coming trend in manufacturing. Dubbed the ‘micro-manufacturing’ movement, it promises to let anyone become a raw materials manufacturer.

“If everyone has to do it, we can’t think about large smelters – we need to see this as decentralised and distributed manufacturing, where the resource and inputs are things that we all hold in our hands.”

When asked to break down that sentence into something anyone could understand, Sahajwalla said that means everyone will have a small smelter, hunt for old broken cellphones, melt them down, then sells any precious metals extracted to larger companies. Sort of like something you would see people in the background doing in a movie like, say, The Hunger Games or Children of Men or Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

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Well, I’m a little bummed, but not so bummed that I can’t write some bad jokes to inflict that feeling on everyone else! Be Well My Mashed Potatoes!

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