YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.01.01

Did you hear what happened in Knott’s Berry Farm? 20 people and a ride operator got stuck 100 feet in the air when the Sky Cabin broke down Friday night. It took seven hours to get them down.

A spokesperson for Knott’s Berry Farm said they were grateful for the publicity, and may plan to strand other riders in the air to help generate attention for the struggling park. Who knew they were still in business?

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Speaking of publicity, here’s the latest about Russian hacking straight from President-elect Donald Trump. He gave assurances to people at his 800-person New Year’s Even bash at Mar-a-Lago that the Russians weren’t involved in any cyber-meddling on Saturday.

Trump also still claims that his hair’s not a comb-over, so …

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Speaking of Russian hacking, the same malware signatures found in the Democratic National Committee and other hacking investigations were found in software on a Burlington Electric Company laptop in Vermont.

No word yet on whether this malware has something to do with Hillary Clinton’s emails.

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These are still dumb! But fun to right. Happy New Year!

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