YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.01.02

Popular vote loser and current president-elect Donald Trump vows that he’s bringing a Brand New Washington to Washington D.C. At least, that’s what Sean Spicer, Trump’s incoming White House press secretary, said on ABC’s “This Week.”

Spicer also said Trump will begin reforms intended to “bring a new brand to Washington” with a restriction on members of his administration becoming lobbyists for a period of five years after they leave Trump’s government.

Spicer noted that it’s totes okay to hire CURRENTLY WORKING lobbyists in the Trump administration, though, so it’s cool guys, it’s really cool.

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At the same press conference, Spicer noted to ABC that, “If you want to serve in a Trump administration, you’re going to serve this country, not yourself.”

No word yet on when Spicer will break the news to President-elect Trump.

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In other good news, fascist writer and proud white nationalist Milo Yiannopoulos is publishing a new book through Simon & Schuster.

Sources say that the book will come with a free two-for-one coupon for a copy of Mein Kampf and donations to the Daily Stormer! More great news for that special swastika lover in your life.

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Seriously, I spent an hour looking for news about cats.

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