YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.01.10

CNN, always one to milk a political story for ratings, is still plastering their homepage with stories about Trump-whisperer Kellyanne Conway complaining about a speech Meryl Streep gave at the Golden Globes. In the speech, Ms. Streep denounced bullying and asked people to protect the press. She also wanted the press to do a better job.

In yet another TV appearance and response to talk about Ms. Streep’s speech, Conway, the final of three campaign managers for popular-vote loser and soon to be President Donald J Trump, said “Look, that is a very myopic place — that place, this network, frankly, all wanted the election to turn out a different way.”

When asked what she meant by everyone wanting things to turn out a different way, Conway replied, “Duh, you guys all want to avoid the end of the world apocalyptic doomsday scenario that’s fast approaching A DOY DOY DOY!”

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Reporter John Avlon recently opined about a warning former President and current dead person George Washington gave during his farewell address at the end of his second term in 1796. Washington issued a “warning from a parting friend” and laid out the three elements he feared could destroy America: hyperpartisanship, excessive debt and foreign wars. Avlon fears that in the 21st century, our nation is failing to heed Washington’s warning.

In a related story, scientists recently discovered a post-script written on the BACK of the document Washington wrote. The post-script reads, “Also, never elect anyone for President who has a comb-over.”

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Popular vote loser and frequent comb-over user President-elect Donald Trump has asked vaccine denier Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to chair a presidential commission on vaccine safety, Kennedy said Tuesday. The two have questioned whether vaccines cause autism, a claim consistently debunked by medical professionals across the board.

Also announced are Trump’s plans to name David Duke head of a special commission to investigate racism in the KKK, to ask Vladimir Putin to look into Russian hacking, and to request Emperor Sheev Palpatine investigate whether the darkside of the Force is more powerful.

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I looked it up, the first name of the Emperor from Star Wars is really named Sheev!

Boy, at this rate, basically, if you want to know who Trump plans to hire to do a job, just look for someone who is completely the opposite of the person you want to do it. At this rate, he’s going to hire Jenny McCarthy to be Surgeon General. Happy Tuesday!

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