YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.01.25

Republican Representative and stock Warner Brothers cartoon character Lamar Smith, current chairman of the House Science, Space and Technology Committee, said Americans should get all of their news directly from Donald Трамп  instead of the news media.

“Better to get your news directly from the President. In fact, it might be the only way to get the unvarnished truth.”

Трамп apparently responded by asking people to watch ABC News later that night on Twitter. He said, “I will be interviewed by @DavidMuir tonight at 10 o’clock on @ABC. Will be my first interview from the White House. Enjoy!”

Reports say that Lamar Smith was found twitching on the floor after reading the Tweet and was heard saying, “We should get our news from the President because the news media lies but the President said we should watch the news because he’s going to be on it but he doesn’t lie because we should get our news from the President …”

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Donald Трамп signed an order aimed at building the Wall along the Mexico border and other vaguely defined actions to hurt immigrants in the name of American safety.

“We hear you, we see you and you will never be ignored again,” Трамп said during a photo opportunity at a Department of Homeland Security event after he signed the orders. “You children will not have lost their lives for no reason.”

Aides say Трамп is planning on releasing a new slogan soon, “Making Sense out of Senseless Acts Through Nonsense Make America Great Again The Movie!”

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Greenpeace protesters hung a “RESIST” banner from a 270-foot crane in downtown Washington, D.C.. The banner is visible from the White House.

Reports say that Трамп squinted to see the banner, and kept asking aides, “What’s this Re: SIST memo everyone is talking about? Is SIST some kind of weapon system? Where’s Mike Flynn? Ask him, he’ll know. Or President Bannon. We have to figure out what this SIST system is all about before the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor again!”

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