YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.02.15

Today, Buzzfeed reported that a Russian Diplomat, Sergei Krivov, died under mysterious circumstances in New York City on Election day in 2016, and the NYPD has apparently closed the case.

When asked for a comment, Трамп spokeswoman Kellyanne Conway burst into flames then cackled.

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Wow, things are going crazy! Did you hear the Breaking news from the Associated Press? Today, the Senate voted to block an Obama-era rule that prevents mentally impaired Social Security recipients from buying guns.

In response, White House Press Secretary said, “Thank you to the Senate for allowing gun purchases again for Donald Trump. He’s truly grateful.”

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Speaking of gratitude, Iowa Representative Steve King said today that General Michael Flynn has been subject to “political assassination.” Flynn recently resigned over a growing scandal involving Russian interference in the 2016 U.S. Presidential election.

When asked for a comment on Representative King’s comments, General Flynn said, “Da, comrade, is true. Is political assassination comrade, da.”

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SPECIAL EXTRA DUMB FOURTH ITEM!

Man, Russia Russia Russia, everywhere in the news as the world grows tense. Four Russian aircraft flew in an “unsafe and unprofessional” manner near a U.S. Navy destroyer in the Black Sea, according to the Pentagon. A Russian spy ship was spotted “loitering” 30 miles south of Connecticut on Wednesday morning, according to Fox News.

When asked for comment on all of this, Russian President Vladimir Putin said, “We are amassing forces to help our comrade Donald Трамп with his war on Nordstroms.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!