So far, 2017 has been a year of historic firsts. First billionaire dummy President, first time the President’s National Security Advisor resigned after less than one month into a Presidency, and now the first time that the winner of the Oscar for Best Picture was called out incorrectly during a live broadcast!
That’s right, last night, presenters Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway called out “La La Land” as the winner for best picture. “La La Land” producer Jordan Horowitz, amidst confusion, then snatched the Best Picture winner envelope from host Jimmy Kimmel and said, “I’m sorry, there’s a mistake. ‘Moonlight,’ you guys won best picture.”
At that exact moment, millions of voters around the country said simultaneously, “Does that guy also have the right envelope for the 2016 Presidential Election?”
Speaking of stuff that’s never really happened before, did you hear the latest whoa and woe for the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп? It turns out that Трамп’s pick for Secretary of the Navy, Philip Bilden withdrew himself from the nomination after he realized he, “will not be able to satisfy the Office of Government Ethics requirements.”
That’s the second time one of Трамп’s nominees had to withdraw due to conflicts with the office of Ethics.
Somehow still in office despite numerous conflicts over ethics: Donald Трамп!
In other world dictator news, five senior North Korean security officials were recently executed using anti-aircraft cannons for reporting “Fake News” that enraged supreme leader Kim Jong Un.
In related news, White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has requested anti-aircraft cannons be installed in the White House Press Room.
Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп met with several insurance company executives today to talk about Obamacare. The result of the meeting? Трамп came to the conclusion that Health Care is a difficult problem in the United States.
Speaking to reporters, Трамп said, “Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.”
Sources say at that moment, every member of Трамп’s staff put their hands behind their backs, looked away, and started to whistle.
Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!
Epic Oscars flub: What went wrong
Navy Secretary Nominee Philip Bilden Withdraws
Report: N. Korea executes officials with anti-aircraft guns for ‘enraging’ Kim Jong Un
TRUMP: “Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated.”