YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.31

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is in hot water, because it turns out that a thousand Russian agents were hired to target three key states with pro-Трамп propaganda, to help swing the election to Трамп.

Senate Intelligence Committee member Angus King, an Independent Senator who left the Democratic Party in 1993, said Friday there was “no doubt whatsoever that the Russians were behind the effort to interfere with our election.”

In response to his statement, Трамп was alleged to have ordered his staff to fan out all over Washington, D.C. and scratch out the ‘G’ in the Senator’s first name everywhere it was found.

“See! Do you SEE IT? It says Anus King now! ANUS KING!” Трамп screamed from the Oval Office.

No word yet on whether Трамп will also tweet ANUS KING at some point.

———

Speaking of anuses, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s former National Security Advisor, General Michael Flynn, has requested immunity in exchange for testimony about connections between the Трамп regime and Russia. In a letter from his attorney, Flynn requested immunity due to a hostile ‘witch hunt’ environment yesterday.

In a stunning rebuke, a time-travelling General Michael Flynn from September 25, 2016 appeared and reminded General Michael Flynn from March 30, 2017 that, “When you are given immunity, that means you have probably committed a crime.” At which point, General Michael Flynn reminded his time-travelling past-self, “No Duh!” before his past self-vanished in a poof of irony.

No word yet on whether Трамп knows what “irony” means or if his supporters shouting, “Lock Her Up!” a few weeks ago do, either.

———

USA Today, a hard-hitting practically socialist newspaper that you typically get at motels for free in the morning along with muffins, wrote a story about the latest tweet from popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп.

In his tweet, Трамп said General Michael “Mikhail”, “… should ask for immunity in that this is a witch hunt (excuse for big election loss), by media & Dems, of historic proportion!”

Most pundits agree with Трамп that yes, indeed, it is quite historic for a candidate and President to willingly work for a foreign power to get elected. First openly treasonous President ever! Way to go Трамп!

———

Seriously, it’s day 70 of the Трамп regime. It feels like longer, doesn’t it? I mean, that news about HYDRA agent Seb Gorka, the guy who’s in a Hungarian Nazi party, things are so crazy, that headline has fallen to near the bottom of the slush pile.

It’s basically … there’s a chance that Трамп might resign or just get ejected a lot sooner than people realize. But, if you’re a student of pop culture, you know that it means the true villain has yet to appear. Seriously, Mike Pence is not much better than Трамп. It’s kind of like, if this Sunnydale, and we were living through Buffy, it would turn out that Трамп is like some really flashy vampire, and then Mike Pence is the real head vampire.

THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION! Has anyone seen Mike Pence’s reflection in a mirror? And, okay, if we have, WHAT IF that idea that Vampire’s don’t show up in mirrors is a fiction? How would we know whether Pence is a vampire or not?

I think one way to know would be whether he feels like he could be alone with women. Like, Dracula, that guy, every time he was alone with women, bite ‘em in the neck, drain their blood, turn them into vampires.

If you want a sign that Pence is a vampire, look for any stories about him being afraid to be alone with women! And also if he hates garlic bread.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Senator: ‘No doubt whatsoever’ Russia interfered
http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2017/03/31/exp-senator-no-doubt-whatsoever-russia-interfered-cnntv.cnn

Russia hired 1,000 people to create anti-Clinton ‘fake news’ in key US states during election, Trump-Russia hearings leader reveals
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/russian-trolls-hilary-clinton-fake-news-election-democrat-mark-warner-intelligence-committee-a7657641.html

Flynn offers to cooperate with congressional probe in exchange for immunity
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/flynn-offers-to-cooperate-with-congressional-probe-in-exchange-for-immunity/2017/03/30/bfd48584-159f-11e7-ada0-1489b735b3a3_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-main_flynn830p%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.b3468dce31df

Michael Flynn Full Interview: Trump is Opening ‘Huge’ Lead
http://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/video/michael-flynn-full-interview-trump-is-opening-huge-lead-772781123974

Trump: Flynn should get immunity from possible prosecution if he talks
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/31/trump-flynn-should-get-immunity-possible-prosecution-if-he-talks/99860564/

Mike Flynn should ask for immunity in that this is a witch hunt (excuse for big election loss), by media & Dems, of historic proportion!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/847766558520856578

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.30

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп vowed to fight against Democrats and Republicans in next year’s elections in a new Tweet this morning.

Трамп tweeted, “The Freedom Caucus will hurt the entire Republican agenda if they don’t get on the team, & fast. We must fight them, & Dems, in 2018!”

An anonymous White House staffer said that Трамп plans on getting along with Republicans for the remainder of 2017 on issues they agree on, like, golfing is work, brown people are scary and “The KKK is A-Okay!”

———

Speaking of awful decisions, did you hear the latest thing popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп signed? Yeah, he’s lifted Obama-era rules about offensive airstrikes in Somalia. Basically, the risk that U.S. combat troops will kill civilians in Somalia during efforts to kill terrorists goes up astronomically, now.  

Трамп signed a directive Wednesday declaring Somalia an “area of active hostilities,” where war-zone targeting rules will apply for at least 180 days, the officials said.

An anonymous source said that Трамп lifted the rules because he saw an opportunity to kill more civilians than the Obama administration did, and do it in record time!

No word yet on whether Трамп actually read the document he signed, or on whether Трамп can read.

———

Speaking of horrible things done in our name, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s ICE agents have been quietly rounding up immigrants and jailing them, but are also loudly losing court cases related to immigrant detentions whenever those cases get wide attention. Case in point, Daniel Ramirez Medina, a young father who was one of President Obama’s DREAMers.

The Трамп alleged that Ramirez told ICE agents that he’s a gang member, an affiliation that generally disqualifies undocumented immigrants from gaining DACA protection. Luckily, Ramirez has good lawyers, who explained he is not a gang member, never said he was, and that ICE never had any legal cause to take him to a holding facility where he allegedly made the confession in the first place.

Thank goodness we have ICE out there, arresting law-abiding parents, getting false confessions out of them, continuing the Трамп regime pattern of lying about stuff, then going to court and losing cases because of those lies. I know it makes me feel less stressed every day!

That is sarcasm, by the way. I hate sarcasm, but that was sarcasm. Inside, I’m basically just doing a primal scream from 5.30am – 12.00am. Sometimes later.

Anyway, ICE is an unrestrained military force that’s secretly putting people into prisons and Трамп’s regime thinks that Microwave Ovens are eavesdropping on them. What a 2017!

———

If Трамп and his cronies were a 1980s cartoon, they’d be COBRA. Except, COBRA would be the stars of the show. Kellyanne Conway, CODENAME: LIE MACHINE! Sean Spicer, CODENAME: CAPTAIN MALARKEY! Mike Pence, CODENAME: MAMA’S BOY. Get the whole collection! Fill out your troops with special ICE AGENTS, now with illegal power to imprison! And make sure you get Трамп, CODENAME: DIAPER BOTTOM, with special removable hair and golf club set! Freedom of Assembly no longer required, assault and battery included!

Something like that. Who would he fight? What’s the COBRA in a world where Трамп is G.I. Joe?

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump Spurns Bipartisanship, Vows to ‘Fight’ Fellow Republicans in 2018
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-spurns-bipartisanship-vows-fight-fellow-republicans-2018-n740496

The Freedom Caucus will hurt the entire Republican agenda if they don’t get on the team, & fast. We must fight them, & Dems, in 2018!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/847435163143454723?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nbcnews.com%2Fpolitics%2Fwhite-house%2Ftrump-spurns-bipartisanship-vows-fight-fellow-republicans-2018-n740496

Trump Said to Ease Combat Rules in Somalia Intended to Protect Civilians
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/30/world/africa/trump-is-said-to-ease-combat-rules-in-somalia-designed-to-protect-civilians.html?_r=0

DREAMer to be released after 6 weeks in ICE custody
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/29/us/daniel-ramirez-medina-daca-release-ice/

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.29

It’s tough being a propagandist for an unpopular regime. Just look at Sean “Sphincter” Spicer who has to keep denying obvious connections between Vladimir Putin’s regime and the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп. Feeling exacerbated, Spicer spent time chastising journalists again then said,  “If the President puts Russian salad dressing on his salad tonight, somehow that’s a Russia connection.”

Y’know, looking at Трамп, there’s no way I believe he eats salads at dinner.

———

Speaking of insane sycophants, Rudy “America’s Sell-Out” Giuliani is back in the news, this time for joining the defense team of gold trader Reza Zarrab, who’s under federal indictment for fraud, money laundering and evading sanctions on Iran, and who has ties to Turkish President Recep Erdogan.

Zarrab, a 33-year-old dual Turkish-Iranian citizen, was arrested March 19 in Florida. He’s accused of ducking sanctions by moving hundreds of millions of dollars for the Iranian government and Iranian firms via offshore entities and bank accounts.

When asked why he would get involved with someone accused of money laundering on behalf of a state sponsor of terrorism, Giuliani responded by holding a press conference, and repeating 9/11 as many times as possible.

———

USA Today posted a story to the front page of their website blasting popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп for his multiple lies about connections to wealthy Russians and oligarchs from former Soviet republics, including Russian mafia figures. The paper, known mostly as light reading you find at the door of your hotel room if you’re stuck in Santa Fe, New Mexico or other places on a layover, noted links to at least 10 wealthy former Soviet businessmen with alleged ties to criminal organizations or money laundering.

USA Today reporting this is the equivalent of Dora the Explorer suddenly screaming, “THE END TIMES ARE HERE! MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR GODS AND FAMILIES!”

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Exasperated Spicer tosses out salad dressing analogy to defend WH
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/28/politics/sean-spicer-russian-dressing/index.html

Judge: Why Is Giuliani Defending Alleged Iranian Money Launderer
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/judge-why-giuliani-defending-alleged-iranian-money-launderer-n739811

Trump’s business network reached alleged Russian mobsters
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/03/28/trump-business-past-ties-russian-mobsters-organized-crime/98321252/

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.28

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s regime is trying to block former acting attorney general Sally Yates from testifying to Congress in the House investigation of links between Russian officials and Трамп’s 2016 presidential campaign.

According to letters received by The Washington Post, the Justice Department notified Yates earlier this month that the regime considers a great deal of her possible testimony to be barred from discussion in a congressional hearing because the topics are covered by the presidential communication privilege.

Sources say House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes has decided to cancel meeting with people like Sally Yates because they’ll just help create too much clarity out of the confusion he’s trying to build right now.

———

Speaking of obstruction of justice, the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is refusing to provide details Tuesday to who signed House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes into offices on White House grounds, as the House investigation into Russia’s interference in the US elections is stalled, the victim of a partisan showdown.

Nunes apparently went to the White House, got information from someone there that indicated President Barack Obama had wiretapped Donald Трамп, then presented that same information back to the White House the next day AFTER providing it to reporters, thus creating the illusion that the White House had JUST HEARD about the information it apparently gave to Nunes.

Furious Democrats are demanding that Nunes step down from his job, but, like, why would he do that? Nunes is doing a great job.

That great job being, of course, helping keep the Трамп regime from being investigated.

———

Former Vice President Dick Cheney, who once shot a man in the face with a shotgun, says Russia’s interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential election could be interpreted by some as an “act of war.”

“There was a very serious effort made by Mr. Putin and his government, his organization, to interfere in major ways with our basic, fundamental democratic processes,” Cheney said, referring to Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin. “In some quarters that would be considered an act of war.”

This is basically like The Emperor from Star Wars pointing at Hannibal Lecter and saying, “That guy is MESSED UP. I mean, he EATS PEOPLE. I may electrocute people with lightning from my fingertips, but, even I have limits.”

———

An important footnote, former Vice-President Cheney has not shot anyone else in the face with a shotgun since 2006, so, congratulations on going 11 years without shooting anyone in the face VP Cheney!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump administration sought to block Sally Yates from testifying to Congress on Russia
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/trump-administration-sought-to-block-sally-yates-from-testifying-to-congress-on-russia/2017/03/28/82b73e18-13b4-11e7-9e4f-09aa75d3ec57_story.html?utm_term=.58e8e13294d5

Former acting AG Yates warned not to testify
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/28/former-acting-ag-yates-warned-not-testify/99727008/

White House evasive as House Intelligence Committee grinds to a halt
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/28/politics/house-intelligence-committee-devin-nunes/index.html

Dick Cheney: Russian Election Interference Possibly ‘Act of War’
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/dick-cheney-russian-election-interference-could-be-seen-act-war-n739391

The Dick Cheney Style Guide
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/06/19/1308133/-The-Dick-Cheney-Style-Guide

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.27

The fate of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s presidency may hinge on what he does next after the massive failure to convert the core campaign promise of repealing and replacing Obamacare. With solid a solid monopoloy on power, somehow, the GOP is unable to govern and the White House is reeling from the ‘unexpected’ loss.

Who would have thought that a group of Congress people who worked six years to repeal Obamacare and worked with various Governors to undermine it while simultaneously never developing an alternate plan would be unable to work with a serial liar who went bankrupt three times and blames everyone but himself for the loss and quickly come together on something as complicated as American health care?

———

Fresh from his recent ski vacation, Jared “Uday” Kushner, son-in-law of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, has promised to testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee. The Senate Intelligence Committee will be interviewed about ties between the Трамп 2016 Presidential Campaign and Russian operatives.

Трамп regime spokeswoman Hope Hicks told NBC that Kushner volunteered to talk to the Senate committee. “He doesn’t have anything to hide,” she said.

No word yet on whether what Hicks said is true or is “true” because who knows with the folks running that hootenany!

———

Journalist Ted Koppel told Fox News entertainment celebrity Sean Hannity that he is “bad for America” in an interview that aired on CBS’ Sunday Morning.

Hannity, following in the footsteps of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, took to Twitter to call the interview ‘Fake News.’ Hannity said, “Fake “edited” news. I did about a 45 minute interview with CBS. They ran less than 2. Why did Ted cut out my many examples of media bias?.”

Sources say the primary reason the segments were cut was so people could see Ted Koppel calmly telling Hannity that his style of infotainment and deception is bad for America, which is sort of obvious.

No word yet on whether other Трамп sycophants will be appearing before Koppel to be politely told off.

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

How Trump’s health care loss will shape his presidency
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/27/politics/donald-trump-presidency-future/index.html

Trump Upset Jared Kushner Took Aspen Ski Vacation as Health Care Bill Faltered
http://ktla.com/2017/03/24/trump-upset-jared-kushner-took-aspen-ski-vacation-as-health-care-bill-faltered/

Kushner to Appear Before Senate Intel Committee on Russia
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/kushner-testify-russia-senate-intel-committee-n738876

Ted Koppel calmly tells Sean Hannity he’s ‘bad for America’
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/27/ted-koppel-calmly-explains-sean-hannity-why-hes-bad-america/99680636/

Fake “edited” news. I did about a 45 minute interview with CBS. They ran less than 2. Why did Ted cut out my many examples of media bias?https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/846065227049390081

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.26

Republican sources close to the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, aides of the Трамп regime, and GOP congressional staff involved in health care all agree on one thing: aspiring dictator Donald Трамп doesn’t know a thing about health care.

“He didn’t care or particularly know about health care,” a key GOP congressional aide said about Трамп following the stunning defeat of the Republican health care plan Friday.

“If you are going to be a great negotiator, you have to know about the subject matter,” the aide said, adding that overhauling health care is far different from building a golf course.

No word yet on whether these folks paid attention to the last 40 years of Трамп’s dealmaking, which mostly amounted to him promising to pay one thing, not paying for it, then patting himself on the back for being a business genius up until the point that he lost $1 Billion and stiffed his creditors and U.S. tax payers for the bill.

———

Speaking of passing the buck over the failure of Trumpcare, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп went on Twitter and made a statement, because we do this. Every day, we do this. The President of the United States goes on Twitter, all the time, every day, and says crazy things. And the crazy thing he said today was that the Freedom Caucus helped Democrats by failing to pass Trumpcare, a plan filled with details that Трамп himself doesn’t understand.

“Democrats are smiling in D.C. that the Freedom Caucus, with the help of Club For Growth and Heritage, have saved Planned Parenthood & Ocare!” Трамп tweeted from Mar-A-Lago while on his 8th weekend vacation.

Y’know, with that one, he does have a point. Although, yesterday, he was blaming Democrats for not helping pass the bill. So, yesterday it’s Democrats fault, then it’s Paul Ryan, then it’s back to the Republicans … President Harry Truman was famous for having a placard on his desk that said, “The Buck Stops Here.” I guess with Трамп, the buck stops there, or there, or with that guy, or maybe with that guy, or, wait, maybe with that guy over there.

Or, as Трамп himself said in 2013, “Just shows that you can have all the cards and lose if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

———

Speaking of astonishing, breathless turn-abouts, it looks like the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп has turned on their former National Security Advisor, Michael Flynn. In February, Трамп accepted the resignation of General Flynn after it was revealed he had lied to Vice-President and probable head vampire Michael Pence that he had lied about contacts with the Russian ambassador. It wasn’t the illegal meetings with the Russian ambassador that Трамп had a problem with, it was the lying about it to VP Pence.

A story in the National Enquirer, because remember these guys are friends of Трамп and this is the world we live in now, recently pegged General Flynn as a ‘Russian Spy.’ What could have changed in a month? Insiders in Washington D.C. believe that Flynn may be talking to the FBI about his connections to the Russians, but more importantly, to connections between the Трамп regime and Vladimir Putin.

When asked if there were any connections between the Трамп regime and the regime of Russian Whatever Title He Has Given Himself In Year 17 of his Rule Vladimir Putin, a White House spokesman said, “Нет

Sources say we can expect a press conference any moment where Sean “Sphincter” Spicer claims that Трамп was always against that no good, dastardly Flynn even though he hired him to work in his White House.

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Sources: Trump learned a lesson on dealmaking
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/25/politics/donald-trump-lesson-deal-making-health-care/index.html

Just shows that you can have all the cards and lose if you don’t know what you’re doing.
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/286952264122396672

Democrats are smiling in D.C. that the Freedom Caucus, with the help of Club For Growth and Heritage, have saved Planned Parenthood & Ocare!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/845974102619906048

CNN analyst: Sources say Mike Flynn may have turned on Trump and become a witness for the FBI
https://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/cnn-analyst-sources-say-mike-flynn-has-turned-on-trump-and-become-witness-for-the-fbi/

Hey, Why Is The National Enquirer Saying That Michael Flynn Is A Russian Spy
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/national-enquirer-michael-flynn_us_58d562dae4b03692bea5958b

National Enquirer brands Flynn a “Russian spy” — Trump just threw Flynn under the bus. Why?
http://americablog.com/2017/03/national-enquirer-brands-flynn-russian-spy-trump-just-threw-flynn-bus.html

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.25

Minutes after House Republicans shelved their bill that was supposed to save the nation’s health care, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп repeated that Obamacare was on the verge of collapse.

“Bad things are going to happen to Obamacare,” said Трамп, calling out the large premium increases and insurer defections that plagued the exchanges this year. “There’s not much you can do about it. It’s not sustainable.”

If you want to understand the context of the above sentence, read it again, but do it in the voice of Tony Soprano, Michael Corelone, or basically any generic gangster voice you can think of.

No word yet on whether Трамп watches episodes of the Sopranos before press conferences.

———

While the rest of his senior staff scrambled to squeeze votes for the flailing Трампcare health care vote that promised to strip health insurance from millions of people and increase costs for everyone else, one person remained notably absent for most of the week: Jared Kushner.

Along with this wife, Ivanka Трамп, Kushner was on vacation until Thursday, skiing with family in the posh Colorado town of Aspen. Paparazzi caught Jared and Ivanka taking leisurely strolls, enjoying ice cream cones with their three kids and winding their way down the slopes. And apparently, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп was angry that Kushner was on vacation.

According to CNN, a source close to the aspiring dictator said, “[Трамп] is upset that his son-in-law and senior adviser was not around during this crucial week.”

Sources say Трамп was on the golf course while staying at Mar-A-Lago when he expressed his displeasure.

———

It was nearly a month ago that popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп lied on Twitter and claimed that President Barack Obama had wiretapped Trump tower. And it was just a few days ago that the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Representative Devin Nunes, went to the White House and the Press with information he claimed indicated Трамп’s was true.

It turns out, once again, that this is a lie, Nunes has no information showing that Трамп was wiretapped by U.S. spies, even though he emailed his constituents and asked them for money based on that claim.

Yesterday, Nunes apologized for his claim, saying he doesn’t know whether Трамп or his associates were under surveillance. He isn’t even sure about the source of the information he received; it’s possible that it came from the White House. He also doesn’t have an explaination for why he went to the White House with this information BEFORE presenting it to the House Intelligence Committee, which is conducting an investigation into Трамп’s ties to Russia.

So, to sum up, a guy in charge of a committee investigating Donald Трамп went to Трамп with information that showed Трамп was under surveillance that may have been ‘leaked’ by the regime of Трамп himself, told the press about it before he told the committee he’s in charge of, then had to apologize when he realized he didn’t know what he was talking about.

In response to this, millions of Americans commented, “GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAH!”

When asked if they had faith that Nunes could be expected to do his duty and investigate Трамп thoroughly, those same millions of Americans were split. Half laughed sarcastically and rolled their eyes, while the other half let out a primal scream that’s still going on as of this writing.

No word yet on whether the primal screaming will continue into Monday.

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Because remember, if you were chipping in? You won this week. And if you weren’t? Thank the people who were, because they helped save your health insurance. Who knows, if you got involved, maybe we could do even more.

Saving Obamacare is now up to Trump
http://money.cnn.com/2017/03/24/news/economy/trump-obamacare-collapse/index.html

Trump unhappy Jared Kushner took a powder on the ski slopes as health care bill floundered
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/24/politics/jared-kushner-aspen-ski-trip-obamacare/index.html

Nunes Backs Down From Assertion Trump Was Monitored
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/nunes-backs-down-assertion-trump-was-monitored-n738151

Intelligence Chair Nunes apologizes for disclosing surveillance information to the White House
https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/house-intelligence-chair-nunes-apologizes-for-how-he-handled-revelations-surrounding-trump-and-his-aides/2017/03/23/344b05e2-0fc8-11e7-9d5a-a83e627dc120_story.html?utm_term=.0ecc604ad290

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.24

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is on the verge of his first legislative failure, as it looks like #Trumpcare may not have enough votes to pass. It’s unclear at this time if Трамп has actually read the bill, but he seems intent on passing a plan that will remove health care for millions of Americans, and also raise costs for the millions who’ll still have insurance if this plan passes.

Leader Трамп and his staff began blaming the Congress for the failures of the bill, and for failing to pass it, essentially making passage of the bill a loyalty test.

When asked if Трамп would accept responsibility for the bill’s failures, a White House spokesperson rolled their eyes, made a ‘jerk-off’ motion and said, “When Трамп farts, he blames it on the dog … and there’s no dog in the White House.”

———

Speaking of buck passing, it’s been 3 weeks since popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s claim that President Barack Obama had him ‘wire-tapped’ in 2016. In a March 22nd interview with Michael Scherer of Time Magazine, Трамп said “new information” from the House intelligence committee chairman proved his tweets about a “Watergate/Nixon”-style scandal were “right.”

When asked what this new information was, Трамп farted, blamed the fart on the dog, and left the room. At this time, there’s still no dog in the White House.

———

If you haven’t read about Timothy Caughman, he was a victim of a terrorist attack by a white nationalist in New York City a few days ago. He liked to take pictures with celebrities. He was struggling, sometimes borderline homeless, sometimes living in transitional housing. He made money by collecting bottles and cans. He was murdered by a white nationalist who wanted to come to New York and kill a black person, a literal act of terrorism. The murderer chose Timothy Caughman.

The murderer’s name and face will be on some news channels. New York City wants to charge the murderer as a terrorist, recognizing what the President won’t.

I was going to try and joke about this, but, it’s just. Let’s remember Timothy Caughman. Let’s see the people around us. Let’s not lionize or allow a murderer to become lionized and famous. We can remember all kinds of people. Even if the President doesn’t want to know or remember Timothy Caughman, a man who’s from the same city as the President, we can. We can remember the people in London, and condemn an act of terror there, just like we can condemn an act of terror here.

I don’t have a punchline for this one. I don’t want a punchline for this one. If there is a punchline, here? It’s just, please do what you can to pitch in. White Nationalism is taking hold in our country, with far too many people. Please do what you can to fight back against it.

Please remember Timothy Caughman.

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Deal or no deal, Trump ready to cast blame
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/24/politics/donald-trump-health-care-blame/index.html

Fact check: Still no evidence, Mr. President
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/23/fact-check-still-no-evidence-mr-president/99549694/

Timothy Caughman, the Other Terror Victim
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/24/opinion/timothy-caughman-the-other-terror-victim.html

Manhattan DA Asked To Prosecute Fatal Midtown Stabbing As Domestic Terrorism
http://gothamist.com/2017/03/24/rally_against_hate_crimes_tonight_i.php

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.23

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Devin Nunes apologized to committee members after giving classified information to the public and popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп BEFORE presenting it to the Committee.

Nunes promised to provide the same information he’s viewed and given to Трамп to the committee, but did not offer a specific timeline.

When pressed to offer a specific timeline, Nunes said, “When hell freezes over, MWAHAHAHAHAHA! HAIL HYDRA!” before pulling on a HYDRA mask and giving Supreme HYDRA Commander Seb “I Am An Actual Nazi” Gorka a salute.

———

A Denis Voronenkov, a former Russian parliamentarian and long-standing critic of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s government, was killed in Kiev on Thursday, in an apparent assassination that Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko called “state terrorism.”

And yesterday, Nikolai Gorokhov, a lawyer representing the family of murdered Russian whistleblower Sergei Magnitsky was put into intensive care after plunging from his fourth-floor apartment a day before a trial about Russian corruption was set to start. Reports claimed that Gorkhov ‘simply fell out of a window’ while moving a Jacuzzi.

Voronenkov, 45, had just left the Premier Palace hotel when he was shot twice in the head on a sidewalk along a busy street in Ukraine’s capital, according to the Kiev Post.

When asked for a comment on Voronknkov’s death, sources say the Russian Ambassador claimed the murdered dissident, “simply fell on a bullet.”

———

Speaking of HYDRA, since the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп took office, ICE agents have changed policy in their round-up of undocumented immigrants. The new policy targets anyone and everyone, beyond just people with potential criminal records.

The agency even sent a series of tweets, because that’s what we do now we Tweet this kind of thing, two weeks ago reminding young undocumented immigrants granted deportation protections under Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program that they also could face deportation. Those DACA recipients are mothers, fathers, grandparents and others with no violent crimes in their background, along with their children, the Dreamers.

So, the Dreamers are being deported by ICE agents directed by the HYDRA-like regime. It’s like a bad toy line from the 1980s. The Dreamers sound basically like Care Bears. The Трамп regime is basically Cobra, and ICE is like some elite Cobra unit.

It’s the Care Bears vs. Cobra, except Cobra can actually kill the Care Bears or deport them.

When asked for a comment about this parallel between ICE and 1980s cartoon toy franchises, Sean “Sphincter” Spicer said, “HAIL HYDRA!” then tripped on his shoes and fell face first into a wedding cake, before falling out of a window.

———

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Nunes apologizes to House Intel Committee, member says
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/23/politics/devin-nunes-reaction-house-intelligence-committee-congress/index.html

Former Russian Lawmaker Is Shot To Death Outside Hotel In Kiev
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/03/23/521215078/former-russian-lawmaker-is-shot-to-death-outside-hotel-in-kiev

Lawyer of dead Russian whistleblower injured after fall from window
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-russia-magnitsky-lawyer-idUSKBN16T174

These undocumented immigrants thought they could stay. Trump says deport them.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/03/22/faces-of-deportations-under-president-trump/99455428/

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.22

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп recently obtained security clearance for his daughter, lifestyle Brand Ivanka Трамп. Lifestyle Brand Ivanka Трамп will have no official job at the White House, or job title, but will now have top secret security clearance.

In other news, Irony officially died yesterday. No word yet on whether sarcasm, political satire or earnest clownery will be able to take over Irony’s job of critiquing the Трамп regime.

———

One of the former campaign managers for popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, Paul Manafort, is again in the news after it was recently revealed that he was being paid $10 million dollars per year to work for Oleg Deripaska, a close friend of Vladimir Putin. Manafort didn’t take a salary when he was Трамп’s campaign manager, because he was being paid by a Russian oligarch, and felt no need to share this information with anyone.

Sources say that when Sean “Spincter” Spicer was asked if this means trouble for the Трамп regime, he pointed out of a window and said, “Look! Seb Gorka just landed on the front lawn in a Hellicarrier with a HYDRA symbol on it!” before fleeing the room.

———

In real world horror, a police officer was stabbed by an unknown assailant outside of Parliament in London earlier today. Parts of downtown London are closed to traffic, as people on the ground work to control the chaotic scene.

Reports say that the first Internet comment to say, “I bet this means Libtards want to ban knives in America,” took less than 15 seconds after the first stories of this tragedy were posted, followed close behind by, “false flag sheeple?”

No word yet on who will be the first to comment, “This is why we need a Muslim ban.”

———

There’s so much going on today, if you’re in London and happen to read this dumb thing I write, I hope you’re safe and sound.

And if you’re in the U.S., I hope you have time to call your elected officials and remind them that #TrumpCare is something we don’t need or want now.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Ivanka Trump to get top security clearance and office, WH official says
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/21/politics/ivanka-trump-west-wing/

Ivanka’s West Wing office is Trump’s latest conflict of interest, ethics experts say
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2017/03/21/ivankas-west-wing-office-is-trumps-latest-conflict-interest-ethics-experts-say.html

Paul Manafort’s plan to ‘greatly benefit Putin government’
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/22/paul-manaforts-plan-greatly-benefit-putin-government/99483224/

Trump ex-aide Paul Manafort ‘offered to help Putin’
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-39350007

Police officer ‘stabbed at UK Parliament’
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-39355940