Yesterday, newly installed Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III warned Americans that, unless something is done quickly, we’ll be living in an America with, “marijuana sold at every corner grocery store”
Every stoner in America responded with, “Right on!” Reportedly, a few wondered if Taco Trucks would also soon be available on every corner.
Van Jones, noted CNN gadfly and pundit, said that popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, “became President of the United States in that moment, period,” when Трамп honored a widowed NAVY Seal whose husband died in a botched raid in Yemen ordered by Трамп.
At that same moment, several people around the country said, “That was the moment Van Jones started his nervous breakdown.” A few moments later, Jones (and this is not a joke) gave Jeffrey Lord a kiss on the cheek. As a reminder, Jeffrey Lord has regularly espoused White Nationalist rhetoric on CNN, albeit with a friendly face and ‘toned down’ speech.
Here’s wishing for a speedy recovery for Van Jones.
White House Bureau Chief at The Washington Post and probable mayonnaise lover Philip Rucker took to Twitter to, like many of his white dude brethren, heap praise on popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s speech to Congress yesterday.
Rucker tweeted, “This is the best morning of Donald Trump’s presidency. He is basking in positive pundit reviews. All that tumult feels like yesteryear.”
Why, it does feel like yesterday, that Трамп was saying Jews might be responsible for calling in phony bomb threats against synagogues, destroying their cemeteries, and that Трамп was calling the media the Enemy of the American people, because all of that literally happened yesterday, before the speech.
In a sick way, Трамп did become Presidential last night, if you regress back far enough with our presidents. Think Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson. He’s right in line with that guy so far, except it’s the 21st century.
Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!
Jeff Sessions Warns Of An America With ‘Marijuana Sold At Every Corner Grocery Store’
Van Jones on Trump: ‘He became President of the United States in that moment, period’
This is the best morning of Donald Trump’s presidency. He is basking in positive pundit reviews. All that tumult feels like yesteryear.