YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.05

All of this trouble with Russian spying in the White House is leading several Russian television pundits to cool their public praise of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп.

Russian Communist-Party leader Gennady Zyuganov said, “You can hear in his address, the military budget will be increased by over $50 billion.”

No word yet on why every Russian official making these statements was winking and elbowing their comrades in the ribs every time they made one of these comments.

When asked for a comment, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп allegedly said, “Do you want any shrimp scampi? I don’t eat it, I only want the meatloaf. You have to get the meatloaf.”

———

Another Jewish Cemetery was desecrated this weekend, this time in New York City. The NYPD and a growing hate-crimes task force are investigating the desecration of five tombstones in the historic Washington Cemetery in Brooklyn, NY.

When asked for a comment on this growing wave of anti-semitic violence, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп allegedly said, “Oh, and Obama was CONSTANTLY playing golf. CONSTANTLY. I don’t play as much golf but I’m 85 under par when you compare me to him. I’m a much better golfer. Why? Mar-A-Lago meatloaf.”

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Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is fighting mad about breaking news around Russia and his administration, which is most likely ruining his FOURTH weekend vacation at his compound in Mar-A-Lago. Yesterday he tweeted that he was wire-tapped, and provided no evidence of the claim, unlike the evidence that recent resignee General Michael Flynn lied about his contacts with Russia and recent recuser Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III lied about similar contacts with some of the same people.

Today, the Трамп regime released evidence to back-up his claim, fueling … wait. No. That’s not what happened. Pardon.

Today, the Трамп regime released a statement demanding that Congress investigate Трамп’s claim that he was wire-tapped.

So, did everybody catch that? Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп said Obama tapped his phones, but provided no evidence. And this morning, the Трамп regime requested Congress go get the evidence.

To make an analogy, this is kind of like a burglar saying, “that guy broke into his own house! Look at his surveillance cameras, it’ll prove it!” And then not realizing that the burglar is probably on the surveillance cameras. Like in a sitcom. A bad sitcom from the 80s.

Our President is like a bad sitcom character from the 80s. And it’s not ALF. I wish he was more like ALF. “BREAKING NEWS, Трамп has threatened to eat a cat! Willie is upset!”

Did anyone else ever watch ALF?

Anyway, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is like the least funny episode of ALF. Which is, like, the one where ALF is put into a cage, the government takes him away, and then the show ends.

Huh. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad?

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Russians disheartened by Trump as his love affair with Putin fizzles
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/03/03/russians-disillusioned-president-trump/98693256/

Five tombstones damaged at historic Jewish cemetery in New York
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/05/us/brooklyn-jewish-cemetery-tombstones-overturned/index.html

White House requests Congress investigate whether Obama administration abused power
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/05/politics/white-house-spicer-congress-2016/index.html?adkey=bn

White House calls for investigation into unsubstantiated claims Barack Obama ordered ‘wiretap’ on Donald Trump
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-barack-obama-wiretapping-investigation-white-house-sean-spicer-a7612446.html

Fmr Bush AG: Wiretap would mean “there was some basis to believe somebody in Trump Tower may have been acting as an agent of the Russians.”
https://twitter.com/ThisWeekABC/status/838398335861981184

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