Man, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп just surrounds himself with the worst people. Oh, look, there’s White Nationalist Steve Bannon! Hey, over there, Steven Miller, another white nationalist. Mike Pence may or may not be a Vampire, hard to say, but he just surrounds himself with the worst people.
Like, Sebastian Gorka, the top counter-terrorism adviser of the Трамп regime. It turns out Gorka, who both has the name and goatee of a 1970s era James Bond villain, is a formal member of Vitézi Rend, a Hungarian far-right group that is listed by the U.S. State Department as having been “under the direction of the Nazi Government of Germany” during World War II. The group was founded by self-professed anti-Semite Admiral Miklos Horthy, who helped deport thousands of Jewish people to Nazi Germany.
When a reporter asked Gorka if he’ll be expected to resign based on this latest revelation, Gorka replied, “No Mr. Reporter, I expect you to die, AHAHAHAHA!” just moments before he activated a death laser that the reporter had no chance to escape from.
Speaking of HYDRA agents, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп recently appeared with Tucker Carlson to answer questions. He naturally spent most of the time babbling incoherently.
Carlson, a man with a squished babyface who probably smells like feet, asked Трамп about his claims that President Obama had wire-tapped him. Echoing statements of Sean “Sphincter” Spicer, Трамп said, “Wiretap covers a lot of different things. I think you’re going to find some very interesting items coming to the forefront over the next two weeks.”
So, wire tapping doesn’t mean wire tapping, I guess.
No word yet on whether any microwave ovens at Fox News spied on Tucker Carlson while he made a pre-interview hot pocket.
While on the campaign trail in September, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп said on day 1 of his regime he would instruct his generals (whoever they are) to create a 30 day plan to Destroy ISIS. His regime started on January 20, 2017, and the first order to have a plan put together came on January 27, 2017, seven days later. So, not day one, but, hey, he was busy putting together the first Muslim Ban!
So, 30 days after January 27, 2017 is February 26, 2017. Also, still, no ISIS Plan. It’s now day 55 of the Трамп Regime. It’s been 48 days since he asked for his 30 day plan to Destroy ISIS.
When asked about the delay in this plan, a White House spokesperson said, “The plan to Destroy ISIS is on hold while we work on the plan to Destroy Healthcare.”
The spokesperson helpfully added, “We think we can tweak the plan to kill more old people and children if we put another week into it.”
HYDRA Agent Sebastian Gorka then tried to incinerate all of the reporters for daring to ask questions, but his laser death rays lost power.
No word yet on how long repairs to the newly installed laser death rays in the White House briefing room will take to be completed.
Seriously, if this was a Captain America movie? And you saw a guy named, ‘Sebastian Gorka,’ standing next to the President in the first five minutes? Everyone in the theater would point and go, “That guy works for HYDRA! He’s one of the bad guys!” His name, being an active open member of a Nazi organization … you would get script notes if you wrote that. The whole Трамп regime are script notes.
“Yeah, it just seems over the top, you have the President being a racist, you’ve got this Steve Bannon character pulling the strings like the Red Skull, you’ve got … seriously dude, you have a guy named Sebastian Gorka here, like, you need to tone it down. If you wrote in that he’s got a like a goatee, has a hair trigger, was part of a Nazi group … it’s too over the top for a Captain America movie. No one’s going to believe it.”
Maybe that’s what’s going on. Like, we’re just a movie in the Marvel dimension? Yeah, like, in our dimension, we watch superhero movies, and in the Marvel dimension, they watch movies where there are no superheroes. I guess that leaves it up to us.
There’s a literal Hungarian Nazi named ‘Sebastian Gorka!’ working in the White House. If he starts stroking a cat on camera, build a bunker.
Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!
EXCLUSIVE: Nazi-Allied Group Claims Top Trump Aide Sebastian Gorka As Sworn Member
Full Event: Donald Trump Rally in Greenville, North Carolina (September 6, 2016) Trump Live Speech
Actually, Mr. President, wiretapping doesn’t cover a lot of things
Trump orders Pentagon to draft ISIS strategy, restructuring of security council