YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.03.31

Popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is in hot water, because it turns out that a thousand Russian agents were hired to target three key states with pro-Трамп propaganda, to help swing the election to Трамп.

Senate Intelligence Committee member Angus King, an Independent Senator who left the Democratic Party in 1993, said Friday there was “no doubt whatsoever that the Russians were behind the effort to interfere with our election.”

In response to his statement, Трамп was alleged to have ordered his staff to fan out all over Washington, D.C. and scratch out the ‘G’ in the Senator’s first name everywhere it was found.

“See! Do you SEE IT? It says Anus King now! ANUS KING!” Трамп screamed from the Oval Office.

No word yet on whether Трамп will also tweet ANUS KING at some point.

———

Speaking of anuses, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s former National Security Advisor, General Michael Flynn, has requested immunity in exchange for testimony about connections between the Трамп regime and Russia. In a letter from his attorney, Flynn requested immunity due to a hostile ‘witch hunt’ environment yesterday.

In a stunning rebuke, a time-travelling General Michael Flynn from September 25, 2016 appeared and reminded General Michael Flynn from March 30, 2017 that, “When you are given immunity, that means you have probably committed a crime.” At which point, General Michael Flynn reminded his time-travelling past-self, “No Duh!” before his past self-vanished in a poof of irony.

No word yet on whether Трамп knows what “irony” means or if his supporters shouting, “Lock Her Up!” a few weeks ago do, either.

———

USA Today, a hard-hitting practically socialist newspaper that you typically get at motels for free in the morning along with muffins, wrote a story about the latest tweet from popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп.

In his tweet, Трамп said General Michael “Mikhail”, “… should ask for immunity in that this is a witch hunt (excuse for big election loss), by media & Dems, of historic proportion!”

Most pundits agree with Трамп that yes, indeed, it is quite historic for a candidate and President to willingly work for a foreign power to get elected. First openly treasonous President ever! Way to go Трамп!

———

Seriously, it’s day 70 of the Трамп regime. It feels like longer, doesn’t it? I mean, that news about HYDRA agent Seb Gorka, the guy who’s in a Hungarian Nazi party, things are so crazy, that headline has fallen to near the bottom of the slush pile.

It’s basically … there’s a chance that Трамп might resign or just get ejected a lot sooner than people realize. But, if you’re a student of pop culture, you know that it means the true villain has yet to appear. Seriously, Mike Pence is not much better than Трамп. It’s kind of like, if this Sunnydale, and we were living through Buffy, it would turn out that Трамп is like some really flashy vampire, and then Mike Pence is the real head vampire.

THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION! Has anyone seen Mike Pence’s reflection in a mirror? And, okay, if we have, WHAT IF that idea that Vampire’s don’t show up in mirrors is a fiction? How would we know whether Pence is a vampire or not?

I think one way to know would be whether he feels like he could be alone with women. Like, Dracula, that guy, every time he was alone with women, bite ‘em in the neck, drain their blood, turn them into vampires.

If you want a sign that Pence is a vampire, look for any stories about him being afraid to be alone with women! And also if he hates garlic bread.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Senator: ‘No doubt whatsoever’ Russia interfered
http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2017/03/31/exp-senator-no-doubt-whatsoever-russia-interfered-cnntv.cnn

Russia hired 1,000 people to create anti-Clinton ‘fake news’ in key US states during election, Trump-Russia hearings leader reveals
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/russian-trolls-hilary-clinton-fake-news-election-democrat-mark-warner-intelligence-committee-a7657641.html

Flynn offers to cooperate with congressional probe in exchange for immunity
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/flynn-offers-to-cooperate-with-congressional-probe-in-exchange-for-immunity/2017/03/30/bfd48584-159f-11e7-ada0-1489b735b3a3_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-top-table-main_flynn830p%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.b3468dce31df

Michael Flynn Full Interview: Trump is Opening ‘Huge’ Lead
http://www.nbcnews.com/meet-the-press/video/michael-flynn-full-interview-trump-is-opening-huge-lead-772781123974

Trump: Flynn should get immunity from possible prosecution if he talks
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/03/31/trump-flynn-should-get-immunity-possible-prosecution-if-he-talks/99860564/

Mike Flynn should ask for immunity in that this is a witch hunt (excuse for big election loss), by media & Dems, of historic proportion!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/847766558520856578

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