YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.04.07

An illegal strike against the despotic regime of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad was launched by popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп last night. A total of 59 Tomahawk missiles were launched, although conflicting reports say at least half were shot down by Russian anti-missile ordinance. The situation on the ground is confusing.

In response to the confusion, several pundits from MSNBC, CNN and others praised Leader Трамп for his march to war. CNN host Fareed Zakaria said,  “I think Donald Trump became president of the United States last night.”

No word yet on whether Zakaria was speaking ironically, to point out how many past Presidents of the 20th century have stumbled into war via ‘strategic’ strikes, or if he meant it in the kind of way that may mean he could get an interview with Leader Трамп in the future.

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NASA’s Operation IceBridge research aircraft have taken pictures showing dramatic loss of ice in Greenland. Arctic Ice is in retreat due to the effects of global warming.

A White House spokesman said in response to the news, “See, Трамп said he’d get ISIS on the run, and look, ISIS is running away in Greenland!”

When a reporter pointed out that it was ICE, not ISIS, that was retreating, the spokesman dropped a smoke bomb then fell out of a window while trying to escape.

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Facing the first major foreign policy test of his presidency, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп told reporters gathered at his private resort Mar-A-Lago that he ordered the missile strikes on Syria because previous attempts to change the behavior of Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad “have all failed and failed very dramatically.”

While several pundits, media figures, and even critics of the aspiring dictator have been quick to heap praise on the illegal strike, several of their past-selves from 2013 are furious with U.S. participation in the Syrian civil war. Sean Hannity 2013 said, “Glad our arrogant Pres. is enjoying his taxpayer funded golf outing after announcing the US should take military action against Syria.”

And meanwhile, Donald Трамп 2013 blasted Donald Трамп 2017 and said, “Don’t attack Syria – an attack that will bring nothing but trouble for the U.S. Focus on making our country strong and great again!”

A furious Donald Трамп 2013 also said to Donald Трамп 2017 that, “We should stop talking, stay out of Syria and other countries that hate us, rebuild our own country and make it strong and great again-USA!”

A White House spokesman said that a summit is being planned between Donald Трамп 2013 and Donald Трамп 2017 in order to smooth over their differences.

No word yet on when Donald Трамп 2017 will blame former President Obama for what Donald Трамп 2013 said.

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Well. Great.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Russia condemns Syria missile strike ordered by Trump
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/07/world/syria-military-strikes-donald-trump-russia/index.html

CNN host: ‘Donald Trump became president’ last night
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/327779-cnn-host-donald-trump-became-president-last-night

NASA Flyover Reveals Arctic Ice in Retreat
http://www.nbcnews.com/slideshow/nasa-flyover-reveals-arctic-ice-retreat-n742596

How Trump came to make snap decision to strike Syria
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/04/07/how-trump-made-the-decision-to-bomb-syria-tick-tock/100149920/

Glad our arrogant Pres. is enjoying his taxpayer funded golf outing after announcing the US should take military action against Syria
https://twitter.com/seanhannity/status/375071259643879425

Don’t attack Syria – an attack that will bring nothing but trouble for the U.S. Focus on making our country strong and great again!
https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/377038618407493632

We should stop talking, stay out of Syria and other countries that hate us, rebuild our own country and make it strong and great again-USA!
https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/378389940671107072

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