YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.04.09

Here’s a joke! Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

A family goes to see a talent agent, let’s call them Donald, Melania, Donald Jr., Eric, Ivanka, and Jared.

The agent asks what they do. Donald stands up, farts, then gives a speech.

“It was a more innocent time, March of 2017. Saturday Night Live’s ratings were hitting a high-point, thanks to that loser Alec Baldwin doing the worse, THE WORST impression of a President, ever. Loser liberals were making jokes about Microwave Ovens spying on innocent people, which may happen, do we know? Do we really know? And the whole media was focused on fake news about Russia interfering with our elections, when we really know it was illegal immigrants who did that, which is why the smart thing to do was to keep Syrian children out of the country, which is what you do when you have brains.

And that’s why, by the way let me say this, that’s why Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said that we had no intention of changing the regime in Syria. How did he say … Donald Jr., hand me … the paper, NOT THAT ONE, the OTHER ONE, Ivanka, Ivanka, can you … okay, great, yes, let me read this, as Tillerson said,  “(the) longer-term status of President Assad will be decided by the Syrian people.” And then Nikki Haley, she’s great by the way, she got rid of those Confederate Flags in her state that she used to like, but really, what was the big deal about those? I don’t know. But she said, it’s on the same paper here, “Are we going to sit there and focus on getting him out? No.” Because it was smart.

But then, Ivanka saw those pictures of Syrian kids killed in that poison gas attack, that kills children in a city in Syria. And this is different than the kids killed during the President’s raids in Yemen, or those other pictures of dead refugee kids washed up on beaches. Do you know why? It made Ivanka cry, folks, this one made Ivanka cry. So, hey, don’t do that, folks.

So, the President goes to Mar-A-Lago, because they have THE BEST meatloaf, folks, the best, AND THE BEST GOLF COURSES, and, you know, he does the right thing. The President tells Vladimir Putin about the attack he wants to launch, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIENDS, no, not that, but because, THAT’S WHAT YOU DO. And then, maybe, Putin tells Syria, and maybe the base was evacuated, and maybe most of the missiles didn’t hit, and maybe that was like $60 million spent to launch them, and maybe the same city hit with the chemical weapons attack was hit again, and maybe the airbase is literally back in operation a day later.

But you know what? Suddenly, the fake news stops being so mean to the President, and they call him Presidential, AND HE’S BEEN PRESIDENT THIS WHOLE TIME FOLKS, and hey, the President has been killing in foreign countries for months now, since he took over from the previous failure, but then it took big missiles in the middle of the night to FINALLY GET SOME CREDIT. Ugh. It’s all fake news.

And that’s why our Secretary of State just, said what we were always saying even if it was different just a week ago, that we do now want regime change in Syria, at least until the poll numbers come in.

And meanwhile, does the President get credit for … what’s the word Jared … not that word … escaltor. Escargot? That’s French. No, escalation, thank you, that’s the word, and meanwhile does the President get credit for an escalating ground war in Yemen? Does he get credit for increased US troops activity there, or for the 20 airstrikes in Yemen the last month? No. And the President isn’t sure if he’s going to get credit for launching a war against North Korea, either, we’ve got US Navy ships headed to the Korean Peninsula, maybe to start a war there, too, we’ll have to see what the poll numbers look like.”

Donald then sits down on the couch, then Jared clears his throat and says, “And that’s our act.”

The agent, shocked and confused, stutters and says, “What’s your act called?”

And with pride, Donald Jr. jumps to his feet and says, “The Aristocrats!”

Then the Agent says, “Is it … some kind of free association magic show?”

And then Melania says, “No, our act is more of a puppet show, when you get down to it.”

———-

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US signals openness to Assad staying put
http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/30/politics/tillerson-haley-syria-assad-turkey/index.html

Ivanka may have convinced her dad to bomb Syria
http://nypost.com/2017/04/08/ivanka-may-have-convinced-her-dad-to-bomb-syria/

The US warned the Russians ahead of Syria missile strikes
http://www.cnbc.com/2017/04/06/the-us-warned-the-russians-ahead-of-syria-missile-strikes-official.html

Eyewitness says Syrian military anticipated U.S. raid
http://abcnews.go.com/International/eyewitness-syrian-military-anticipated-us-raid/story?id=46641107

Here’s how much it costs to replace the 59 Tomahawk missiles Trump fired on Syria
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/this-is-how-much-it-will-cost-to-replace-the-tomahawks-used-in-syria-2017-04-07

Trump to Congress: Syria strike was in ‘vital national security interest’ of US
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/327962-trump-sends-congress-letter-explaining-syria-strike

Syrian Air Base Hit by US Missiles ‘Operational Again’
https://www.voanews.com/a/bombed-syrian-airbase-again-operational-governor-says/3802331.html

Former Bush Aide Chides Media Praise For Trump’s Syrian Airstrike
https://mediamatters.org/video/2017/04/09/former-bush-aide-chides-media-praise-trumps-syrian-airstrike/215962

US envoy Nikki Haley says Syria regime change is ‘inevitable’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/09/middleeast/syria-missile-strike-chemical-attack-aftermath/index.html

Top Republicans who opposed Syria attack under Obama are now praising Trump’s strike
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/07/politics/kfile-top-republicans-syria-trump/index.html

Syria strikes: Site of chemical attack hit again
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/08/middleeast/syria-strikes-russia-donald-trump/index.html

Tillerson just said no evidence.
https://twitter.com/joshrogin/status/851072170054832128

US to accuse Russia of complicity in Syrian chemical attack: report
http://nypost.com/2017/04/09/us-to-accuse-russia-of-complicity-in-syrian-chemical-attack-report/

US ground operations stepped up inside Yemen
http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/04/politics/yemen-us-military-operations/

U.S. Deploys Navy Strike Group To Korean Peninsula As Missile Concerns Mount
https://twitter.com/NPR/status/851098665863139329

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