YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.04.10

Tesla has inched ahead of General Motors to become the most valuable car company in America after a rally in the US stock market valued Tesla at $50.84 billion edging past GM (GM) at $50.79 billion. The most valuable car company in the world, Toyota, is worth approximately $160 billion.

In response, the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is considering a new EPA regulation that would require all electric vehicles be powered by coal-fired ovens by 2019. “It’s the only way to save coal jobs,” a White House insider claimed.

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Passengers on a United flight from Chicago to Louisville, Ky., were horrified when a fellow passenger who had previously been sitting quietly was pulled out his seat by 3 Chicago police officers while screaming, had his face bashed on an airline headrest, and then was physically dragged down the aisle while blood pooled in the corner of his mouth. The reason? United Airlines needed to clear a seat for airline staff.

On Twitter, United commented that the flight was “overbooked” and that “one customer refused to leave.”

When asked if the customer was still saying no after being knocked out and dragged out of the plane, United had no comment.

In a related story, United has updated their company slogan from “Fly the Friendly Skies” to “It was a bad call, Ripley. It was a bad call.”

That’s a quote from ‘Aliens’ by the way, the 1986 blockbuster sequel to Alien. Burke is this scuzzy corporate guy played by Paul Reiser, and he’s trying to excuse getting 158 people killed. So, I’m saying United is as bad as that. This is in case any folks that were, like, BORN in 1986 are reading this and haven’t seen Aliens.

Moving on …

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Speaking of United Airlines, NBC News and several other media outlets are reporting that the CEO of United Airlines is apologizing for knocking out a passenger and dragging him off of a plane.

NBC News reported that, “The CEO of United Airlines apologized to customers on Monday following an incident on an overbooked flight where video appeared to show an elderly man being dragged from his seat and through the aisle of a plane.”

And what did United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz actually say? Through a PR agency, Munoz released a statement that read, “This is an upsetting event to all of us here at United. I apologize for having to re-accommodate these customers. Our team is moving with a sense of urgency to work with authorities and conduct our own detailed review of what happened.”

So, it contains the words, “I apologize,” but he’s apparently characterizing having three Chicago Police Officers knock a man out and dragging him off the plane as, “re-accomodation.”

So, an alternate headline for this would read, “Corporation that is paid by United Airlines for advertisements characterizes non-apology as an apology!”

In related news, after hearing about the Chicago incident, the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп has decided to characterize the recent missile strike against Syria as a, “re-accommodation of explosives with the ground.”

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I woke up about 6 hours late today, and was just overwhelmed with news. Like, there’s a lot of awful things unfolding right now. I think it’s important to pay attention to it, but also, to choose what you can change and help with. There’s not necessarily a right answer to that, but, if your answer to that question is, “The only change I can make is by buying coffee with dollar bills,” you gotta, that’s not a good answer. That’s one bad answer to that question. There’s probably more bad answers to that question, but, y’know. Anyway.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Tesla just became the most valuable carmaker in America
http://money.cnn.com/2017/04/10/investing/tesla-gm-market-cap/index.html

Passenger Forcibly Removed From United Flight, Prompting Outcry
http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/04/10/523275494/passenger-forcibly-removed-from-united-flight-prompting-outcry

United Airlines CEO Apologizes After Video Shows Man Dragged Off Flight
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/united-airlines-ceo-apologizes-after-video-shows-man-dragged-flight-n744731

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