YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.04.13

CNN political commentator Jeffrey Lord recently said that, “President Donald Трамп is the Martin Luther King of health care.”

No word yet on whether Lord was also implying Donald Трамп would be assassinated.

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An 8-year old Ohio boy with a craving for a McDonald’s cheeseburger took his 4-year-old sister for a ride in his dad’s van, which he learned to drive on by watching YouTube. East Palestine police Officer Jacob Koehler told WJW-TV in Cleveland the father went to bed Sunday and the mother fell asleep on the couch with the kids. Witnesses say the boy appeared to obey traffic laws. The kids were picked up by their parents and no charges were filed.

When asked why they were so lenient on the parents and the children, the officer said, “It was just one of those things, y’know?”

In a related story, an 8 year old African-American young man in Ohio, apparently unfed by his parents, stole his parent’s van and drove it to McDonald’s to get something to eat. The The young 8 year old African-American man apparently kidnapped his sister, after the father allegedly fell asleep, and the mother passed out on the couch. Witnesses say the young 8 year old African-American man appeared to obey traffic laws, but given the drama of the situation, they’re unsure if he fully complied with the law. The kids are currently being held until charges can be filed against the entire family.

When asked if why they were so strict on the parents and children, the officer said, “If you don’t want to serve the time, don’t break the law.”

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Japan’s Prime Minister Shinzo Abe warned Thursday that North Korea might be capable of firing a missile loaded with sarin nerve gas toward Japan.

Abe, who made the statement at a parliamentary panel on national security, said Pyongyang may already be able to shoot missiles with sarin as warheads, the Associated Press reported.

After being briefed on Abe’s comments, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп allegedly rolled his eyes, sighed, and said, “We already bombed the country with the Sarin gas, I was having cake, I was with some Asian guy when I was eating the cake, how do people in charge of country’s forget these kinds of details so fast? It was the best cake, by the way, multiple chocolate layers. Delicious.”

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Usually, I write this first thing in the morning. Later, I do a quick rewrite/view of it to see if anything is too dark or creepy. There’s good dark and creepy, and there’s bad dark and creepy. Anyway, I’m on Jury Duty this morning, so, probably won’t get a chance to do that quick revision! I don’t mind serving Jury Duty, which means I’m either the worst or best sitcom character, ever. Like, if you have a sitcom character who gets Jury Duty, it’s generally the worst thing to ever happen to them, and they work like crazy to get out of it.

Every once in a while you get a reversal of that, where like a haggard sitcom Mom wants to get away from her family, so she happily serves on a jury as a form of relaxation.

I just wonder, does anyone know the ground zero sitcom that first introduced the idea of, “I must get out of Jury Duty!” I’ve been looking for a few years, and I haven’t found it. Anyway.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

CNN panelist: Trump is the MLK of health care
http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/04/13/jeffrey-lord-trump-mlk-healthcare-newday.cnn

Boy, 8, Takes Dad’s Van to McDonald’s After Learning to Drive from YouTube Videos
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/boy-8-takes-dad-s-van-mcdonald-s-after-learning-n745936

Japan’s Abe warns North Korea could fire sarin-loaded missile
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/04/13/japans-abe-warns-north-korea-could-fire-sarin-loaded-missile/100408036/

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