So, did you hear the latest about those secrets Donald Трамп revealed to the Russian government? It turns out it’s all related to a plot, first rumored in March, by ISIS to create laptop bombs to be used on international flights. The Трамп regime’s hamfisted response to this was a selective Muslim ban that prevented people from a few countries from carrying electronic devices. CNN said this morning that they learned about this plot in March, but that Трамп regime officials had advised them not to say anything about details of the threat, for fear of tipping off ISIS.
Donald Трамп then revealed those details to both two Russian officials and Russian media during a photo-op in the White House last week.
When asked about this, a White House spokesperson rolled their eyes and said, “WE TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO SAY ANYTHING, JEEZ, YOU GUYS ARE AS BAD AS THE DONALD!”
Jared “The Kush” Kushner then threw a smoke bomb and pulled the spokesperson out of the room before they could say anything else.
Sean Spicer is reportedly still hiding in the bushes outside the White House reading comic books.
NBC News is reporting that recently ousted FBI Director James Comey wrote an internal memo saying popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп asked him to shut down an investigation into former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn. These types of memos are admissible as evidence in court proceedings, and are considered as credible accounts of conversations in criminal proceedings involving the FBI.
Anonymous sources say that Трамп’s reaction to learning about the Comey memo was to scream at the TV. “Oh YEAH, Comey, OH YEAH? Well I got my own memo right here and it proves you’re a liar!” Трамп then pulled a crumpled page from a yellow legal pad from his pocket. After unfolding it, the yellow page showed a doodle of a stick figure of Hillary Clinton in the noose, a badly drawn rabbit, and several spaceships shooting down octopus aliens.
Aides say Melania Трамп is planning to hang the memo on the refrigerator next to Barron Трамп’s latest report card.
Vladimir Putin, the current Russian President and possible employer of Donald Трамп, said yesterday that his government is willing to provide the U.S. Senate with a transcript of last week’s controversial Oval Office meeting between Трамп and Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov that is at the center of allegations that Trump revealed highly classified information, according to the Russian-owned TASS news agency.
His translated comments read, “If the U.S. administration considers it possible, we are ready to submit a transcript of Lavrov’s talk with Трамп to the U.S. Senate and Congress, if, of course, the U.S. administration would want this.”
When asked if those transcripts would also include what Трамп said to Ambassador Sergey Kislyak, Putin said, “No way, are you crazy? That would be way too embarrassing, and we need to keep Трамп in the White House long enough to help secure that deal with Exxon we really want.” Jared “The Kush” Kushner then suddenly appeared out of nowhere, threw a smoke bomb, then rushed Putin out of room.
Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!
CNN told not to report city Trump revealed
Comey Wrote Memo Saying Trump Urged Him to Drop Flynn Investigation: Sources
Putin: Russia willing to turn over transcript of Trump meeting with Russians