YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.05.20

Jared “The Kush” Kushner, son-in-law of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, shocked a high-level Saudi delegation earlier this month when he personally called Lockheed Martin CEO Marillyn Hewson and asked if she would cut the price of a sophisticated missile detection system. Kushner called Lockheed Martin to push a discount on a $100 billion arms deal.

After the call, reports say Kushner put on a pair of sunglasses, then blasted an airhorn and said, “Deal wit’ it son!”

The deal was ultimately for $110 billion dollars, at least $10 billion more than the initial scope.

No one is quite sure what Kushner’s actual job is at the White House.

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The activities of an unnamed current White House official are now under investigation in the FBI’s probe of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп’s ties to Russia, two U.S. officials confirmed to NBC News. The development was first reported by the Washington Post.

The story was then later picked up by a variety of Right Wing blogs and websites. On those websites, the headline reads, “Did Hillary Clinton email directions to Pizza Parlor to pedophiles? Probe uncovers details!”

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Former FBI Director and actual giant James Comey (He’s 6’8”!) has agreed to testify in open session before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, following revelations Friday that popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп told Russian leaders that Comey is a “nut job” who was adding pressure to the high-stakes investigation of possible interference in the 2016 election.

Reports say that Трамп at 6’2” is mostly upset at Comey for being taller than he is. Aides have been measuring hand sizes between Comey and Трамп for days, to help reassure Трамп that his hands are bigger.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Kushner called Lockheed CEO about $100B Saudi arms deal
http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/19/politics/jared-kushner-saudi-arms-deal-lockheed-martin/index.html

Russia Probe Looking at Official in Trump White House
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/report-russia-probe-looking-official-trump-white-house-n762331

Comey, called ‘nut job’ by Trump, to testify in open session before Senate
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/05/19/donald-trump-james-comey/101886486/

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