Republican Karen Handel is the newest Congresswoman after winning the Georgia 6th District special election. Handel replaces former Congressman Tom Price, who is currently serving in the regime of popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп. Price won reelection to GA-6 in November 2016 with 201,088 votes, or 61.7% of the total. Handel won the special election with 134,595, or 51.9% of the vote, beating challenger Jon Ossoff by just over 10,000 votes. By some kind of coincidence, Ossoff also got almost the exact same vote total that Rodney Stookberry got in 2016. Handel was the former Secretary of State for Georgia; Ossoff’s prior experience in government was as a legislative aide to Democrat Hank Johnson (GA-6).
Instapundits around the country had hot-takes galore on the outcome! Republicans see this as a victory for Трамп’s policies nationally. Democrats are split on the proper hottake this morning, with some saying it was a near victory, and others saying that Ossoff was too centrist of a candidate.
When asked, “How do you explain that Ossoff got almost the same vote total as Stookberry?” none of the Instanpundits had an answer, because literally no one in media knows what they’re talking about this morning about the Georgia 6th Congressional District Race, other than Karen Handel won.
Senator Kamala Harris released a summer playlist in the style of former President Barrack Obama, just in time to commemorate African-American Music Appreciation Month. Her playlist includes songs from Tupac, Dr. Dre, Al Green, the Jackson 5, and “Check the Rhime” by A Tribe Called Quest.
White House sources say that popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп is considering releasing his own Spotify playlist to represent his current mood over the ongoing Russia investigation. The playlist is just one track on an endless loop, with the sound of a truck scraping along a pavement while Jim Carrey screams.
A NATO F-16 attempted to approach the plane of Russian Defense Minister Sergei Shoigu in the Baltic Sea before being chased off by a Russian Su-27 fighter jet, according Russian media this morning. The Su-27, “displayed its weapons,” to the F-16, which then flew away.
A Pentagon spokesman referred questions on the incident to NATO, which had no immediate comment on the reports.
When briefed on the incident, popular vote loser and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп reportedly said, “Y’know, I don’t get buzzed. I don’t get buzzed. I never drink. I don’t do drugs. Not a one. You know what I get buzzed on? Winning! That’s what I do. Like the way that Charlie Sheen, is it Martin? Martin Sheen? He was on that sitcom. Anyway, I get buzzed, and I’m winning, just like Martin Sheen did on that sitcom where he was President. Also, not a fan of Martin Sheen. Not a fan at all.”
The President then flushed the toilet and stopped talking to the Television as he left the restroom.
Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!
Georgia race: Republicans jittery about health care breathe sigh of relief
Georgia’s 6th Congressional District election, 2016
Georgia’s 6th Congressional District special election, 2017
Sen. Kamala Harris Drops Her Summer Spotify Playlist
Reports: NATO jet buzzes Russian defense minister’s plane
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