Senate Republicans unveiled a revised version of their health care bill Thursday that cuts Medicaid funding and, thanks to an amendment from Senator and Grandpa Munster impersonator Ted Cruz, would also destroy the individual health market.

The bill has lost support from two Republican Senators, and if a third fails to support it the bill will not pass.

In an effort to shore up support for the bill, Senate Majority Leader and Human Turtle Mitch McConnell is planning to add a provision requiring that anyone 25 years or older who’s below the median income in the United States fight to the death in a televised Thunderdome Match. According to McConnell, “Thunderdome is revenue neutral, because the advertising from watching sick people kill each other live on television will offset the cost of their medical bills.”


Marathon Enterprises Inc. is recalling more than 7 million pounds of Sabrett hot dogs because they may be contaminated with bone fragments, the U.S. Department of Agriculture said Saturday.

It’s unclear at this time if the bone fragments belong to anyone with knowledge of cooperation between the regime of Donald Трамп and Russian agents.


The next model of iPhone is expected to be massively re-designed and could sell for as much as $1,200 to $1,400, according to some estimates. Will people pay that kind of money for an iPhone?

Accordingly to Tim Bajarin, an Apple analyst and president of Creative Strategies, the new iPhones will, “fly off the shelves.”

When asked, “Who could possibly afford a phone this expensive?” a Bajarin said, “Attorneys who work for the Трампs. Those guys are billing so many hours.”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Crucial week for Republicans’ plan for health care: What you need to know

More Than 7 Million Pounds of Sabrett Hot Dogs Recalled

Get prepared for a $1,400 iPhone


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