YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.31

The Arkema peroxide plant in Texas exploded at approximately 2.00am this morning in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. Plant officials said they the flooding to cause a chemical explosion that will “resemble a large gasoline fire.”

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп issued a statement and said, “Who knew that such an explosion would occur? We’re dealing with it as it comes, folks, we’re dealing with it as it comes.” When a reporter tried to point out that the people who run the plant literally warned people about the possibility of an explosion, Трамп wandered off to buy ice-cream.

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Damage from Hurricane Harvey released 2 million pounds of potentially hazardous airborne pollutants from oil refineries and other facilities in the Houston area, according to regulatory filings submitted to the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality.

Трамп regime appointee Scott Pruitt, current head of the EPA said during a press conference that, “it’s probably not that big of a deal. I mean, you’d have to be like a scientific-type guy to even, like, understand it and even then it’s like, what’s the big deal? Y’know? You have to focus on the bright things in life otherwise you’re just, Y’know?”

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As Americans pray for and donate to flooded residents in Houston, people in India, Bangladesh and Nepal continue to deal with the worst monsoon in years. The rains so far have caused more 1,000 deaths. In the western India city of Mumbai, many of its 20 million residents waded through waist-high water trying to get home from work after being stuck there overnight.

After learning about the news, many Americans asked with heavy hearts, “Are India, Bangladesh and Nepal three separate countries? I swear I thought they were the same country, are you sure about that?”

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Here are three organizations on the ground in Bangladesh, India, Nepal and Texas.

If you know of other organizations offering to help, donate what you can, and share with your friends and family!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Harvey aftermath: Explosions reported at flooded chemical plant
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/31/us/harvey-houston-texas-flood/index.html

Harvey Releases 2 Million Pounds of Pollutants From Refineries, Plants
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/hurricane-harvey/harvey-releases-2-million-pounds-pollutants-refineries-plants-n797586

As Houston copes with catastrophic flooding, more than 1,000 die in India monsoon
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/08/30/houston-copes-flood-1-000-die-india-monsoon/617173001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.30

Tropical Storm Harvey made a second landfall Wednesday near the Louisiana-Texas border, bringing winds of 30 to 40 mph and a 2-to4-foot storm surge.

In response, Donald Трамп is also expected to make a second landfall afterwards, bringing hats with price-tags of $30 to $40, and sales for anyone that buys 2-to-4 hats at once.

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Many of the people housed temporarily in the George R. Brown Convention Center in downtown Houston are tired, stressed, have lost their possessions, and don’t know where they’ll go next. At the center, though, they’ve found a temporary escape from the horrors that Harvey brought, thanks to a well-organized, friendly, focused staff of volunteers who are doing their best to help.

The horror is expected to return to Harvey refugees later this week after a visit from Donald Трамп.

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Meanwhile, the U.S. Missile Defense Agency (MDA) said the USS John Paul Jones detected and tracked a missile launched from the Pacific Missile Range Facility on Kauai with its onboard radar, before intercepting it with SM-6 missiles. This is in response to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s vow to conduct more missile tests in the Pacific.

When asked for a comment about the successful test, the White House was unable to provide a quote because no one’s really quite sure who works there anymore.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Harvey makes second landfall along Louisiana-Texas border
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/30/us/harvey-texas-louisiana/index.html

At Convention Center, Houston Survivors Ponder Life After Storm
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/hurricane-harvey/convention-center-houston-survivors-ponder-life-after-storm-n797311

Missile Defense Agency: U.S. warship successfully shoots down missile in test off Hawaii
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/08/30/north-korea-missile-japan/615401001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.29

South Korea’s air force has staged a live-fire drill simulating the destruction of North Korea’s leadership, hours after Pyongyang launched a ballistic missile over Japan.

Donald Трамп was very excited by the news, and said he was hopeful that a war with North Korea would generate bigger TV ratings than the devastation from Hurricane Harvey.

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According to NBC News, special counsel Robert Mueller’s team is focused on Donald Трамп’s role in writing a response to a published article about a meeting between a Russian spy and his son Donald Jr.. Prosecutors want to know what Трамп knew about the meeting and whether he sought to conceal its purpose.

Kellyanne Conway dismissed the news, saying, “Everybody knows Donald Трамп can’t write.”

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Houstonians received a sliver of good news Tuesday as Tropical Storm Harvey continued its easterly trudge toward Louisiana, easing the pounding rains that have swallowed the city.

Donald Трамп said he was happy about the new direction for the storm. He told reporters, “Y’know, Louisana, that was purchased from someone by a President. Did you know that? Fascinating. They have New Orleans, they have food with shrimp, it’s a great city. Football. Great city, great city folks. And now they’ll get some of the pounding Houston got. Let ‘em get pounded. Not that kind of pounded, folks, not that kind of pounded. Great city. We serve shrimp at Mar-A-Lago, too.”

Трамп eventually wandered away from the press conference and disappeared into a White House bathroom.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

South Korea holds live-fire drills that simulate destroying North Korea’s leadership
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/29/asia/north-korea-south-korea-bombing/index.html

Mueller Team Asking If Trump Tried to Hide Purpose of Trump Tower Meeting
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mueller-team-asking-if-trump-tried-hide-purpose-trump-tower-n796746

Houston gets a sliver of hope as rain moves away — for now
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/08/29/rain-river-thousands-stranded-hurricane-harvey-continues-pummel-houston/611143001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.28

13 million people from Corpus Christi to New Orleans have been affected by “Catastrophic and life-threatening flooding” due to the effects of Hurricane Harvey.

One of the more unusual aspects of the storm was that it intensified as it approached Texas; typically hurricanes decrease in strength as they approach landfall. By the time Harvey landed in Texas, it was a massive Category 4 storm, up from the original measurement of Category 2. 

After being informed of the area affected by Harvey, Donald Трамп asked, “Is Corpus Christi one of Chris Christie’s cousins? Like on old TV shows, when there’d be a cousin from another town, and they were played by one of the actors on the show but the cousin would wear a moustache? Boy, that was some storm, wasn’t it?”

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Confederate monuments are coming down across America in the wake of this month’s violence from white nationalists in Charlottesville, Virginia. Except in Alabama, where a new Confederate monument went up on Sunday. The monument is dedicated to Unknown Alabama Confederate Soldiers.

Another new monument called, “We wear white hoods and robes so no one can tell exactly who’s in the KKK,” is expected to go up on next year.

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More than 30,000 people are going to need shelters as a result of the unrelenting rains and flooding of Tropical Storm Harvey overwhelming Texas, FEMA Administrator Brock Long said Monday.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп said, “That’s HUGE numbers, folks, HUGE. More than Obama. We’re putting more people in shelters than Obama, and that’s an accomplishment that–,” before his microphone was cut-off by Chief of Staff General John Kelly.

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Hey! ABC News has a great round-up of organizations that are helping Hurricane Harvey victims – check-it out and do what you can!
http://abcnews.go.com/US/hurricane-harvey-victims/story?id=49451305

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Houston inundated by water as Harvey pummels Texas
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/28/us/harvey-houston-texas-louisiana/index.html

A New Confederate Monument Goes Up in Alabama
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/new-confederate-monument-goes-alabama-n796531

Harvey will drive 30,000 to shelters, FEMA says
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/08/27/spencer-says-department-has-high-water-vehicles-and-airboats-but-certainly-not-enough-he-says-offici/606113001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.27

Rescue workers in Texas are still searching for residents trapped in their homes by flooding from Tropical Storm Harvey. Thousands have already been rescued, but thousands more are unaccounted for at this time. Two people have been killed by the storm. Officials expect the death toll to rise.

For his first tweet on Sunday morning, Donald Трамп said, “A great book by a great guy, highly recommended!” and linked people to a book for sale by Sheriff David J. Clarke on Amazon.

An hour later, Трамп said, “Great coordination between agencies at all levels of government. Continuing rains and flash floods are being dealt with. Thousands rescued.”

An hour after THAT, Трамп tweeted some messages about Texas, then said, “I will also be going to a wonderful state, Missouri, that I won by a lot in ’16. Dem C.M. is opposed to big tax cuts. Republican will win S!”

White House staffers working for General John Kelly are hopeful that the precision clockwork of Трамп’s really, really stupid tweets will continue. “If he can keep doing the dumb tweets literally at the top of the hour, we can just cut off wi-fi access then and he won’t be able to send them.”

An aide pointed out that Трамп would still have cellphone service even if they turned off the wifi, and was then knocked out by General John Kelly for pointing out the flaw in this plan.

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Retired boxing champion Floyd Mayweather Jr. defeated UFC lightweight champion Conor McGregor in the 10th round by TKO last night. Mayweather’s knockout record is now 50-0.

In related news, Donald Трамп’s record for total number of lies told in one day is also 50-0.

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Human sweat-stain Donald Трамп imposed sanctions on Venezuela to further isolate the regime of Nicolás Maduro.

When asked why he imposed sanctions, Трамп said, “We’re saying it’s about human rights, but they have so much oil, folks, so much, and I want–,” before aides to General John Kelly turned on a sound-cannon and pointed it at reporters to drown out the rest of Трамп’s comment.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

‘Catastrophic’ flooding traps Houston residents
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/27/us/harvey-landfall/index.html

A great book by a great guy, highly recommended!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/901772550405070848

Great coordination between agencies at all levels of government. Continuing rains and flash floods are being dealt with. Thousands rescued.
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/901777333513854976

I will also be going to a wonderful state, Missouri, that I won by a lot in ’16. Dem C.M. is opposed to big tax cuts. Republican will win S!
https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/901795255086968833

Floyd Mayweather Dominates Conor McGregor Late to Reach 50-0
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/sports/floyd-mayweather-finishes-conor-mcgregor-10th-n796321

With executive order, Trump imposes new round of Venezuela sanctions
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/08/25/executive-order-trump-imposes-new-round-venezuela-sanctions/601667001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.26

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп banned transgender people from the U.S. armed forces on Friday. He also banned the Department of Defense from providing medical treatment for transgender people serving in the military.

The US government will continue paying for whatever treatments are keeping Трамп’s hair alive.

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Literal Hungarian Nazi Sebastian Gorka, a national security aide to Donald Трамп resigned on Friday according to White House officials.

Gorka is moving on to a new position in HYDRA as their North American Supreme Commander. As he left the White House, Gorka told reporters that, “Keptin America vill RUE ZE DAY he crossed SEB GORKA AND HYDRA!”

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Donald Трамп pardoned former Sheriff Joe Arpaio for his criminal contempt conviction stemming from Arpaio’s illegal racial profiling activities.

“We’re very clearly Making America Great Again for racists,” a White House aide said to reporters before she was yanked out of the room by Walking Dead Zombie Kellyanne Conway.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump signs directive banning transgender military recruits
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/25/politics/trump-transgender-military/index.html

Sebastian Gorka Is Out as Trump Aide
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/sebastian-gorka-out-trump-aide-n796196

President Trump pardons Joe Arpaio
https://www.usatoday.com/videos/news/nation/2017/08/25/president-trump-pardons-joe-arpaio/104963056/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.25

Hurricane Harvey is tracking to hit Texas shortly, and is currently graded as a Category 2 storm.

Reports say that Donald Трамп believes the hurricane is a hoax. “The weathermen, they ALWAYS get it wrong. Always get it wrong. It’s fake news. Let’s see both sides, folks, let’s see both sides. There’s good people on both sides of the hurricane debate, folks.”

Трамп is reportedly planning to meet with hurricane denialist Chester Fleekbottom, who promotes the “Hurricanes are really just special effects put on the Weather Channel” conspiracy.

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The Трамп regime slashed $200 million from the US Teen Pregnancy Prevention Program. The program was started in 2010, and renewed in 2015 for another five years. The budget cut means the program will end in 2018, instead of 2020.

When asked why the budget was cut, actual Nazi and HYDRA agent Seb Gorka said, “We must not cut down on pregnancies from ze master race! WE MUST INCREASE ZE BABIES OF ZE MASTER RACE! HAIL HYDRA!”

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USA Today asked the question today, “Are PopSockets the new fidget spinners?” Which prompts the question, what’s a PopSocket? Well, PopSockets are small decorative discs that stick to the back of a phone and can be pulled out like an accordion.

So, the answer to the question, “Are PopSockets the new fidget spinners?” is NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND CARES USA TODAY!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Hurricane Harvey: Live updates
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/25/us/hurricane-harvey-latest/index.html

Trump Administration Abruptly Cuts Funding to Teen Pregnancy Prevention Programs
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/trump-administration-abruptly-cuts-funding-teen-pregnancy-prevention-programs-n795321

Serena and Gigi have one. Are PopSockets the new fidget spinners?
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/08/25/serena-and-gigi-have-one-popsockets-new-fidget-spinners/598319001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.24

U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer announced last Friday that he was formally starting an investigation into whether China is unfairly getting hold of American technology and intellectual property. Lighthizer’s findings could allow Donald Трамп to impose tariffs on Chinese imports, or punish Beijing in other ways a year from now after the investigation concludes.

Chinese officials said they’ll be surprised if Трамп is President a year from now.

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Two weeks ago, popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп declared the opioid crisis a national emergency and said, “We’re going to spend a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of money on the opioid crisis.”

But so far, Трамп hasn’t formally signed a declaration of emergency and sent it to Congress, which means that he hasn’t actually followed through on spending a lot of time, a lot of effort or a lot of money on the opioid crisis.

When asked why, officials for the White House said that Трамп aides are still trying to sort out how Трамп can make money on the crisis before he signs the papers. “Mr. Трамп is working hard to find a way to brand a lot of opioid treatment centers with his name before he starts directing U.S. funds to treatment.”

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Congressional Republicans are expressing concerns about Donald Трамп’s mental health to the media. Republican Senator Bob Corker said last week Трамп hasn’t, “been able to demonstrate the stability,” needed for success. James Clapper, questioned Трамп’s “fitness to be in this office.” And Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel has been feuding with Трамп.

When asked if they’ll be drafting articles of Impeachment soon, one Congressional Republican speaking anonymously said, “Not until we get him to sign a tax cut for the wealthy,” then quickly fled the room.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

China accuses Trump of ‘sabotaging’ world trade
http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/24/news/economy/china-us-trump-trade-probe-sabotage/index.html

Trump Calls Opioid Crisis a National Emergency But Still Hasn’t Made It Official
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/americas-heroin-epidemic/trump-calls-opioid-crisis-national-emergency-still-hasn-t-made-n795351

Amid mounting bipartisan concerns, debating Trump’s mental health becomes cottage industry
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/08/23/amid-mounting-concerns-presidents-mental-health-more-complicated-than-citing-narcissism-erraticism/490096001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.23

Donald Трамп gave a campaign speech in Arizona last night and identified himself as the main victim of the furor over the violence in Charlottesville, Virginia. He also seemed to take the side of Neo-Nazis and others in the white nationalist movement who want to keep Confederate symbols flying in the South.

“They’re trying to take away our culture. They’re trying to take away our history,” Трамп told the crowd. He blamed, “weak, weak people” for allowing the removal of statues commemorating the Confederacy.

After the speech Трамп also complained to aides, “It was like I was the one who was hit by a car. It’s worse than being killed by a speeding car. Worse. And it’s all sides. There was probably people on the left running over people with cars. Democrats do that all the time. Someone’s probably going to try and run me over tonight! But do the media cover that? No! WILL SOMEONE GET MY DAMNED ICE CREAM? AND YES I WANT THREE SCOOPS TONIGHT I DID A HELL OF A JOB ON THAT SPEECH!”

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North Korea’s own version of Donald Трамп, dear leader Kim Jong-Un, released new photos through North Korean state media that showed a diagram for a new nuclear missile called “Pukguksong-3,” which appears to be the latest in its Pukguksong, or Polaris, series. The photo was one of several showing new nuclear missile types.

Some Resistance sources in the United States dispute this account, and claim that Donald Трамп is more like America’s version of Kim Jong-Un.

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White nationalist Christopher Cantwell of Keene, New Hampshire turned himself in to authorities for crimes he committed on the campus of the University of Virginia. He was charged with three felonies, including using pepper-spray on people.

Sources say that Donald Трамп may pardon him because, “Hey, who hasn’t wanted to pepper-spray a Democrat?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump on the rampage in Arizona
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/23/politics/donald-trump-phoenix-rally-analysis/index.html

North Korean Pictures Appear to Show Designs for New Missiles
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/north-korean-pictures-appear-show-designs-new-missiles-n795126

White nationalist Christopher Cantwell says he’ll turn himself in
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/08/23/white-nationalist-christopher-cantwell-says-hell-turn-himself/592770001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.22

Yesterday human meatloaf Donald Трамп delivered a primetime speech outlining his Afghanistan strategy. Today, Donald Трамп will hold a campaign-style rally in Phoenix.

And tomorrow, Трамп will probably take another golf vacation

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Donald Трамп announced his vague approach to dealing with the ongoing U.S. war in Afghanistan yesterday at Ft. Myer in Arlington, Virginia. Трамп told the crowd that his, “original instinct was to pull out, and historically I like following my instincts.”

“But just like with Melania, I realized, if I pull out, I might not get what I wanted. Had I done that, had I followed my instincts, I wouldn’t have Barron today. I want to help Afghanistan get pregnant with Freedom, so we’re not pulling out,” Трамп said in an untelevised portion of the speech that he delivered in his new White House bathroom.

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Navy and Marine Corps divers on Tuesday located the remains of some of the 10 sailors missing from the USS John S. McCain following its collision with an oil tanker off the Malaysia coast, the Navy said Tuesday.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп sighed heavily and said, “Look fake news media, the ship’s named John. S. MCCAIN. So go bother McCain about this. It’s his boat. IT’S HIS BOAT! Leave me alone I have important work to do!”

Трамп then drove away on his golf cart, hoping to shave 2 strokes off of the back 9.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump set to hold campaign-style rally in Phoenix
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/22/politics/trump-phoenix-rally/index.html

‘Attack We Will’: Trump Vows Victory in Afghanistan, Stays Silent on Troop Levels
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/military/attack-we-will-trump-vows-victory-afghanistan-stays-silent-troop-n794651

USS John S. McCain: Remains of missing sailors found
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/08/22/uss-john-s-mccain-divers-search/588809001/

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