Yesterday, at 1:14pm ET Donald Трамп announced on Twitter that he was disbanding “the Manufacturing Council & Strategy & Policy Forum,” after a wave of CEOs quit both councils over Трамп’s remarks in support of white nationalists over the past few days.

But it turned out that the CEOs themselves had already decided to end the two councils, and had told the White House about their decision minutes before Трамп tweeted.

In related news, White House aides say Трамп is planning to announce that he’s, “Blotting out the sun on August 21st to show you who’s really in charge!” The White House says Трамп will make the sun appear as a black dot in the sky with a glowing ring around it. “If he’s pleased with the people, Трамп promises to bring the sun back,” an aide said.


South Korean President Moon Jae-in gave a televised news conference last Thursday and said there would be no war with North Korea.

After being informed of the news, popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп screamed to his aides, “That Moon guy doesn’t decide if there’s a war, I decide if there’s a war! I’m the sun, and I’m way better than the Moon! I’m the sun! I’m the sun!”

Reports say that Трамп continued screaming “I’m the sun!” from his bathroom until someone brought him two scoops of ice-cream.


A new study finds that children spanked when they were as young as 15 months old displayed negative temperament and were less likely to show positive behaviors in the fifth grade and even into their teenage years. Apparently, hitting people as they’re forming their personalities can scar them even a decade or more later.

In related news, studies say that AFTER someone has formed their personality, hitting them might be okay under certain circumstances. Like, say, if they’re a literal Nazi attacking with you in sticks in Charlottesville. As one scientist put it, “Yeah, it’s okay to punch Nazis when they’re hitting you, why are you asking me that? That’s kind of a dumb question.”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

What happened behind the scenes as Trump’s business councils fell apart

South Korea’s Moon Confident There’ll Be No War With North

Harmful effects of spanking a toddler can trigger bad behavior — even 10 years later


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