Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп will address the nation at 9 p.m. ET to unveil his plan to escalate the ongoing war in Afghanistan.

White House aides say that escalating the Afghanistan war may be their best shot at pulling Трамп out of historically low disapproval ratings. “We thought going after North Korea would do it, but it had the opposite effect,” one Aide said from behind a bathroom stall near the White House gift shop.


10 US Navy sailors from the USS John S. McCain are missing after their guided-missile destroyer collided with a larger oil tanker off Singapore.

Donald Трамп has asked the media to bother John McCain about this incident. “It’s his ship, has his name on it, he broke it, he bought it, bother him, it’s him fault. IT AM HIM FAULT,” Трамп was heard to say as he wandered aimlessly down a White House corridor away from reporters.


Secret Service Director Randolph “Tex” Alles, in an interview with USA TODAY, said the Secret Service can no longer pay more than 1,000 agents because they’ve run out of funding for the year due to the size of Donald Трамп’s family, the number of properties they own, and the sheer number of trips everyone has taken. Secret Service funding was intended to last through the year.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп asked an aide, “Is that guy’s name really Tex? Do you think Tex likes TexMex? Let’s have him over for a taco bowl the next time there’s a Mexican holiday like that Cinco de Mayonaise or whatever it is.”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump to ask Americans to trust him on Afghanistan

U.S. Destroyer Collides With Tanker Off Singapore; 10 Missing

Exclusive: Secret Service depletes funds to pay agents because of Trump’s frequent travel, large family


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