YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.30

The Трамп regime has named Don Wright to acting head of the Department of Health and Human Services following Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price’s resignation Friday afternoon.

Don Wright is expected to resign as Health and Human Services Secretary by April.

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Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said Saturday that he was “probing” for potential dialogue with Pyongyang. Tillerson told reporters that, “We have lines of communications to Pyongyang.”

Meanwhile, it’s clear that Donald Трамп has lines of something whenever he goes into the bathroom. Man, that guy sniffs a lot during speeches, y’know?

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Donald Трамп complained about the leadership abilities of Carmen Yulin Cruz, the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, because she’s not being nice to him. Трамп is upset that Cruz has complained about the slow response of the Federal Government to the crisis in Puerto Rico and is unhappy that she, “must be nasty to Trump.”

In related news, Donald Трамп is expected to sweep the 2017, “Jerkoff the Year Awards.” He’s been nominated in all 73 categories!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Who is Don Wright?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/29/politics/hhs-don-wright/index.html

U.S. Has ‘Lines of Communication’ with North Korea, Tillerson Says
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/u-s-has-lines-communication-north-korea-tillerson-says-n806186

Trump blasts Puerto Rican mayor for ‘poor leadership’ in hurricane relief crisis
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/30/trump-blasts-puerto-rican-mayor-poor-leadership-hurricane-relief-crisis/719429001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.29

Officials of the Трамп Regime are demanding the private account information of potentially thousands of Facebook users in three separate search warrants served on the social media giant, according to court documents obtained by CNN. The warrants specifically target users who are described by their attorneys as “anti-administration activists who have spoken out at organized events, and who are generally very critical of this administration’s policies.”

One of those users, Emmelia Talarico, operated the disruptj20 page where Inauguration Day protests were organized and discussed.

When confronted with the fact that the Трамп Regime is specifically targetting the free speech rights of American citizens to quell dissent, White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Yes, that is correct, that is exactly what we’re doing, uh no doy. NO DOY PEOPLE!” then walked off the stage.

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Donald Трамп complained again recently about a Watergate-era reform law that prohibits American companies from bribing foreign government officials. The law in question is one that could ensare Paul Manafort.

Officials of the Трамп Regime are planning to request Congress introduce legislation that would exempt the Трамп brand from the law.

Huh. That last one doesn’t look like a punchline.

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The Senate Intelligence Committee said President Trump’s adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner failed to disclose that he had used a private email address to conduct official White House business.

When asked why he didn’t disclose the private email, Kushner said, “Well, like, in some of those I was, like, talking about that pee tape thing with my wife, and like, I didn’t want anyone to know that I knew about–” before being whisked out of the room by the Secret Service.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DOJ demands Facebook information from ‘anti-administration activists’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/28/politics/facebook-anti-administration-activists/index.html

Law Trump Hated Could Ensnare Manafort
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/law-trump-hated-could-ensnare-manafort-n805726

Jared Kushner didn’t disclose personal email account to Senate Intel committee: report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/09/28/jared-kushner-failed-disclose-personal-email-account-senate-intel-committee/714157001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.28

Republican Representative Steve Scalise, who was shot in June at a congressional baseball team practice, returned to Capitol Hill Thursday for the first time. He received a standing ovation and an extended session of applause from members of Congress.

Political observers fully expect him to stay on course to support legislation that will continue to allow other people to be shot. “Why should I be the only one to get thunderous applause after surviving a shooting? Gun control means no applause if you live,” Scaliest told reporters.

In related news, a teenager near my neighborhood was shot in the ankle a few days ago. It’s unclear at this time if Congress plans to applaud the teen’s eventual return to school.

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The Трамп Regime announced Thursday that it had waived the Jones Act, a nearly century-old shipping law that doubles the cost of shipping hurricane relief supplies to Puerto Rico.

“At @ricardorossello request, @POTUS has authorized the Jones Act be waived for Puerto Rico. It will go into effect immediately,” White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted this morning.

Still on the books – deporting children! No sign Трамп is going to budge on that one.

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A “fatberg” made up of grease, fat, wet wipes and other garbage that slowly grew in a Baltimore sewer main is the culprit of the release of more than 1 million gallons of sewage into a Maryland stream last week.

Most local residents were frightened by the “fatberg” although a few weren’t and assumed that it was just Steve Bannon dropping by for a visit.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Steve Scalise returns to Congress, says he is ‘a living example that miracles really do happen’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/28/us/vieques-cut-off-after-hurricane-maria/index.html

Save Our Streets Brooklyn
https://www.facebook.com/sosbrooklyn/photos/a.1531457463756948.1073741833.1522581517977876/1984464398456250/?type=3&theater

White House Waives Jones Act to Help Storm-Ravaged Puerto Rico
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/white-house-waives-jones-act-help-storm-ravaged-puerto-rico-n805436

‘Fatberg’ of grease, wipes blamed in Baltimore sewer overflow
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/09/28/fatberg-grease-wipes-blamed-baltimore-sewer-overflow/711574001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.27

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп threatened war with North Korea this morning, threatening to use “devastating” military action over the movement of a small number of North Korean fighter jets, external fuel tanks and air-to-air missiles to a base on the hermit kingdom’s eastern coast.

CNN described the warning as “familiar” this morning, treating the news as casual and ordinary.

CNN is later planning to publish a story today, “Is the News Media normalizing Donald Трамп’s behavior? We don’t think so, but what do you think? Click here to subscribe.”

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Carmen Yulin Cruz, mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital city San Juan, asked for urgent help as she expressed frustration with the speed at which rescuers were being set to work on the hurricane-ravaged U.S. territory.

“This is a big S.O.S for anybody out there,” Carmen Yulin Cruz told MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow on Tuesday night, “a plea for this help, which is right here, to get moving.”

Aides to the Трамп regime said that Donald Трамп reportedly has, “help Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands,” on his to-do list, but has a few more pressing concerns to deal with, first.

Among these ahead of helping victims in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are …

 

  • Complain about the NFL
  • Delete Tweets that make him look stupid
  • Threaten North Korea
  • New Strategy to Take Away Health Care from Poor People
  • Dump Ivanka and Jared from Will
  • Ask Donald Трамп Jr. how his meeting with Russian buddies went while Secret Service protection was turned off
  • Get Ice Cream
  • Anonymously Send Steve Bannon can of moldy spam with note that says, “You!”
  • Ask Jeff Sessions about ‘what’s going on with you and the blacks?’
  • Ask Ben Carson about Football.
  • Get Barron a haircut, use cuttings to weave into my own hair
  • Get Facial?
  • Get “Other kind of” Facial?
  • Golfing!
  • Eat meatloaf.
  • Get Ice cream again.

 

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The Трамп regime denied a request Tuesday to suspend shipping restrictions that would allow more fuel and emergency supplies to reach Puerto Rico.

When asked why they’re doing that, a White House spokesperson said, “Because we’re jerks. I mean, why are you guys asking this kind of thing, now? It’s always the same answer. We’re jerks.”

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PBS has a good article about relief you can get to Puerto Rico, please read it, and find an organization you can help!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump warns of ‘devastating’ military option as North Korea moves jets
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/politics/trump-north-korea-moves-fighters-missiles-fuel-tanks/index.html

Mayor Issues ‘S.O.S.’ as Puerto Ricans Scramble to Help Most Vulnerable
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/puerto-ricans-scramble-help-most-vulnerable-residents-supplies-dwindle-n805006

Why Puerto Rico is being denied shipping deliveries of fuel
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/27/trump-administration-denies-request-ease-shipping-fuel-deliveries-puerto-rico/707448001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.26

Donald Трамп told people during a dinner with conservative group leaders at the White House Monday that he was really pleased with how people are reacting to his statements on the NFL.

“It’s really caught on. It’s really caught on,” Trump said of his NFL comments.

White House spokesperson and possible Steve Bannon Horcrux Kellyanne Conway said in a statement that, “Every President since Lincoln has worked really hard to generate Television ratings, and Трамп is just following in a grand tradition.”

Conway later told reporters that Трамп is planning a secret White House wedding to boost ratings during sweeps.

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Speaking of terrible people, Alabama’s Senate race for the Republican primary had front-runner Roy Moore brandishing a revolver on stage during a campaign event. Moore is supported by Steve Bannon, a human being made out of moldy spam who worked in the White House for a few months.

Donald Трамп himself has supported Luther Strange, the GOP incumbent.

A political observer on the scene described the situation as, “just everyone is awful. There’s no good guys, here. Imagine watching, like, Star Wars. But there’s no Han, no Obi-Wan, no Leia, no Luke, no Chewbacca … it’s just Jabba the Hutt fighting Greedo, while Emperor Palpatine plots against them both.”

Y’know, come to think of it, I might watch that movie. I mean, Jabba vs. The Emperor, that sounds great! Haha! Haha. heh. Yeah.

Anyway, the GOP is full of terrible human beings.

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Equifax CEO and Chairman Richard Smith stepped down Tuesday, becoming the latest executive of the credit-reporting giant to step down following a massive cyberbreach that compromised personal information for 143 million U.S. consumers.

Smith will be appointed to the Трамп regime’s National Security Council to lead their investigation into Russian hacking efforts sometime in October.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump at private dinner on NFL feud: ‘It’s really caught on’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/politics/trump-nfl-comments-mccain-sessions-private-dinner/index.html

Dueling Alabama GOP Primary Rallies Pit Trump Supporters Versus Trump-Supported Candidate
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/dueling-alabama-gop-primary-rallies-pit-trump-supporters-versus-trump-n804726

Equifax CEO retiring amid cyberbreach fallout
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/09/26/equifax-ceo-retiring-amid-cyberbreach-fallout/703173001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.25

As the Republican Party’s last-ditch effort to repeal Obamacare hangs by a thread, a revised version of the Graham-Cassidy bill was circulated to Senate Republicans on Sunday with the aim of winning over key votes. One of the key changes was to allow Alaska to keep Obamacare to get Senator Lisa Murkowski to vote for the bill.

Sources say that Senator Lindsay Graham may change the bill to allow every state to keep Obamacare to get votes, while adding a final provision that says, “We rename Obamacare to Трампcare,” to make everyone happy.

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Donald Трамп banned or restricted visas for travel to the United States from Iran, Libya, Somalia, Syria, Yemen, Chad, North Korea and Venezuela on Sunday. His original travel ban expired the same day.

Aides say Трамп is ready to sign a new bill restricting travel for NFL Players, the NBA, Stevie Wonder, any black people, Nancy Pelosi, and others. The list of other people Трамп would like to ban for travel is being kept on a roll of toilet paper in his favorite bathroom.

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Presidential son-in-law and senior adviser Jared Kushner has been using a private email account to conduct White House business, along with several other officials of the Трамп regime. All of them set-up their private accounts after the election.

It’s unclear at this time if US News Media will run stories about this 24/7 for the next 2 years. A spokesperson for USA Today said, “It really depends on whether or not we can work in mentions of Hillary Clinton while we do it.”

In related news, Irony died yesterday in a quiet ceremony in Washington, D.C.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Republican health care bill revised to target key votes
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/24/politics/revised-graham-cassidy-bill/index.html

Trump Restricts Visas From Eight Countries as Travel Order Expires
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/immigration/trump-restricts-visas-eight-countries-travel-order-expires-n804366

Kushner used private email to conduct White House business
http://www.politico.com/story/2017/09/24/jared-kushner-private-email-white-house-243071

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.24

National Treasure and musical icon Stevie Wonder took both knees at a New York music festival in solidarity with NFL players taking a knee instead of standing for the National Anthem.

“Tonight, I’m taking a knee for America; but not just one knee, I’m taking both knees,” Wonder said on stage Saturday before his performance at the Global Citizens Festival.

An exasperated Kellyanne Conway speaking for the White House exclaimed, “Can’t Stevie Wonder see what he’s doing to the country? You’d have to be blind to not see that–” before covering her mouth and running away.
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North Korea said on Saturday that targeting the U.S. mainland with its rockets was inevitable after “Mr. Evil President” Donald Трамп called Pyongyang’s leader “rocket man.”

In response Трамп tweeted late on Saturday night that North Korea may not “be around much longer.”

Aides to Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said that he’s hoping to interceded with a new line of diplomatic rhetoric soon. Tillerson told reporters, “We’re trying to encourage Donald Трамп to, instead of responding in kind to bullying taunts, to just let it go. We’ve been drilling phrases like, ‘sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,’ and, ‘nanny nanny booboob, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.’ They’re short phrases, they’re effective phrases, and they’ll fit into a tweet.”

In related news, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly has reportedly started building a bunker.

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German Chancellor Angela Merkel is expected to cruise to victory Sunday in the country’s election, giving her a record fourth term presiding over a unified Germany.

After being told the news, Donald Трамп allegedly threw a tantrum and said, “Oh yeah, I’ll show her! I’m going to be a four-term President as long as Putin keeps his end of the deal up, lemme get on twitter,” before John Kelly slapped the phone out of his hands and sent him to bed without dinner.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Stevie Wonder takes both knees ‘for America’ after Trump NFL remarks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/24/politics/nfl-stevie-wonder-kneels-trnd/index.html

Korea Says Rockets to U.S.‘Inevitable’ as American Jets Stage Show of Force
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/pentagon-says-u-s-fighter-jets-stage-show-response-north-n804161

German election: Why Americans should care about a Merkel win
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/09/22/german-election-why-americans-should-care-merkel-win/692762001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.23

Donald Трамп said that Arizona Senator John McCain’s choice to oppose the latest GOP effort to repeal Obamacare “honestly terrible” at a rally in Alabama.

Pundits were confused by the statement. One source said, “I mean, Donald Трамп lies all the time, but he said he was honest. But that means he was lying. Which means he was telling the truth…” The pundit continued in this fashion until someone put him to bed.

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Speaking of dumb things Donald Трамп said, his latest complaint as the world teeters on the brink of catastrophic effects from global warming and nuclear war is that protesting NFL players are ruining the game. Трамп believes NFL owners should fire players who kneel during the national anthem.

In related news, most of America and the globe believe that Congress should fire Donald Трамп.

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The Golden State Warriors said they didn’t want to visit Donald Трамп at the White House. In response, Donald Трамп went on Twitter and said, “Going to the White House is considered a great honor for a championship team.Stephen Curry is hesitating,therefore invitation is withdrawn!”

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly reportedly tried to reach Donald Трамп a few hours later, but was unable to reach Трамп. Every time he knocked on the door to the White House bedroom, Kelly reportedly heard muffled crying and Трамп saying, “Go away!” Kelly tried to console the President by saying they’ll be other chances to invite NBA teams to the White House. Donald Трамп reportedly replied, “Jocks are dumb! Who wants them around anyway? I hate them! I hate everybody!”

We’ll keep you updated on this ongoing, breaking story.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump touts ‘Big Luther’s’ loyalty, electability at Alabama rally
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/22/politics/trump-alabama-trip-senate-race/index.html

NFL Anthem Dispute: Trump Says Protesting Players Should Be Fired
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/nfl-anthem-dispute-trump-says-protesting-players-should-be-fired-n804086

Donald Trump rescinds White House invitation to Stephen Curry, Warriors
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nba/2017/09/23/donald-trump-rescinds-white-house-invitation-stephen-curry-warriors/696136001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.22

North Korea’s foreign minister warned Thursday that Pyongyang could test a powerful nuclear weapon over the Pacific Ocean in response to Donald Трамп’s threats of military action.

After being informed of the threat, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly had to hold back Трамп as he reportedly said, “Oh yeah? OH YEAH? WELL I’LL SHOW ‘EM! LET ME PUSH THE BUTTON! LEMME PUSH IT!”

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Over 1,000 volunteers and officials broke into cheers after they pulled a survivor from the rubble of a textile factory more than two days after it was obliterated by Mexico’s recent earthquake.

After hearing the news, a White House spokesperson promised that the Трамп regime would ensure the wall they want to build will prevent, “anything from Mexico, including Earthquakes, from crossing it!”

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Senate Judiciary Chairman and human dumpster fire Senator Chuck Grassley released a letter late Thursday to FBI Director Christopher Wray asking if agents ever warned Donald Трамп about possible attempts by the Russian government to infiltrate his campaign last year.

In the letter, Grassley claimed that in 2008, the FBI warned Senator John McCain’s Presidential campaign about ties his campaign manager had to Russian agents. Senator McCain denied that any such warning ever took place.

 

When asked why Grassley would make up such a fact, White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway said, “Duh, to throw people off the trail of ties between the White House and Russia! A doydoydoydoy.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

North Korea could test hydrogen bomb over Pacific Ocean, says foreign minister
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/21/politics/kim-jong-un-on-trump-comments/index.html?adkey=bn

Mexico Earthquake Survivors Rescued After 2 Days in Rubble
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/frantic-rescues-continue-mexico-quake-deaths-rise-273-n803641

Grassley asks FBI if Trump was warned of Russian efforts to infiltrate his campaign
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/21/senate-judiciary-chairman-asks-fbi-if-trumpever-warned-trump-russian-attempts-infiltrate-his-campaig/691650001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.21

After reading the news today, I had a primal scream, closed my laptop, had another primal scream, then walked to work.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

 

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