YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.02

Speaking to students during a national “open lesson” from the city of Yaroslavl, northeast of Moscow, Russian President Vladimir Putin said the country that takes the lead in the sphere of computer-based artificial intelligence (AI) will rule.

“Artificial intelligence is the future not only of Russia but of all of mankind,” said Putin. “Whoever becomes the leader in this sphere will become the ruler of the world.”

A spokesperson for the regime of Donald Трамп agreed with Putin’s assessment. “I mean, look at what all of those Russian bots sending pro-Трамп propaganda to people in the U.S. did in 2016, it’s not like he–” the spokesperson began before being whisked out of the room by agents of HYDRA.

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In New York yesterday, an escaped cow rampaged through the streets of Long Island, darting through trees, trotting across streets and ramming into a police car before it was tranquilized.

One Brooklyn resident commenting on the situation who wished to remain anonymous said, “Tranquilized? That cow’s lucky she’s a cow, if she’d been a black dude … instant hamburger, know what I’m saying?”

Another resident pointed out that had the cow been a white dude, it probably still would’ve been tranquilized to widespread agreements and statements of, “M-hmm.”

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Donald Трамп’s longtime aide and bodyguard Keith Schiller intends to leave the White House at the end of September or beginning of October to pursue a job with a higher salary, CNN and Bloomberg reported Friday.

“Everybody’s grifting on this shift and getting rich but me … you make PEANUTS on a government salary here, PEANUTS. The big money is in, like, that thing the boss is doing where you go on tons of trips and get the Secret Service to rent Трамп hotel rooms at above market rates, then–” Schiller quipped to reporters before General John Kelly knocked him out and dragged him out of the room.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Who Vladimir Putin thinks will rule the world
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/01/world/putin-artificial-intelligence-will-rule-world/index.html

Escaped Cow Rampages Through Long Island Streets, Takes out Police Car
http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Escaped-Cow-Rampages-Long-Island-Takes-out-Police-Car–442512753.html

Reports: Trump aide Keith Schiller plans to leave White House
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/09/01/reports-keith-schiller-trump-aide-to-leave-white-house/627203001/

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