YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.03

Last night, North Korea’s own version of Donald Трамп, President Kim Jong-Un, presided over the test of a massive underground nuclear weapon test. The test created a 6.3 magnitude earthquake.

Spokespeople for the White House say that they’re hopeful that the test will give Donald Трамп plenty of new slogans for the hats he sells. “If we get one hat into the webstore in time that says ‘Kim Jong-Unfit #MAGA’, that’s an early Christmas!” said human skeleton Kellyanne Conaway.

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China strongly condemned North Korea after the rogue nation tested a hydrogen bomb in an underground nuclear test. Russian President and Трамп supporter Vladimir Putin is meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping to discuss the situation.

Donald Трамп is expected to stay at home and watch events unfold on Fox News, since his boss is already on the scene.

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In an attempt to stay calm, some Americans are trying to breathe normally and ask questions like, “What’s the difference between a Hydrogen bomb and a regular atomic bomb?”

To learn the answer that question, first, get a paper bag handy.

An atomic bomb, like the ones the United States dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, each had a destructive power of 5 and 20 kilotons of TNT, respectively. To put that into context, the Mother Of All Bombs (MOAB) GBU-43, weighing just under 22,000 pounds, had a destructive power of 11 tons, which is 0.22% of the aforementioned 5 kiloton atomic bomb. Somewhere between 129,000 – 226,000 Japanese civilians were killed in those strikes at the end of World War II. The bomb uses nuclear fission to generate its destructive power.

At this point, breathe into the paper bag to prevent hyperventilation, then read on.

A Hydrogen bomb, like the kind just tested in North Korea, uses an atomic bomb as its triggering device. The nuclear fission generates a thermonuclear reaction as part of a two-stage fusion ignition process. In November 1952, the United States tested a Hydrogen bomb that generated 10,000 kilotons of destructive power. This is 500 times more powerful than the 20 Kiloton atomic bomb used during World War II.

If you feel nauseous, take a moment and throw up in the bag. Dispose of the bag, then get a new one. If you don’t feel like throwing up in a bag, go ahead and use a sink, your toilet, or even the floor. Whatever makes you feel comfortable.

It’s hard to estimate the number of people who would be killed in a Hydrogen bomb explosion. But it’s unlikely that any ballistic missile that North Korea produces would hit the United States. The more likely targets are South Korea and Japan, respectively.

So, “What’s the difference between a Hydrogen bomb and a regular atomic bomb?” The simple answer is, “Realistically, not a whole lot, because they’re both weapons that only lunatics would use in the 21st century.”

Happy Labor Day Weekend everybody! Stock up on paper bags!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Nuclear test in North Korea: Live updates
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/03/asia/north-korea-nuclear-test-live-updates/index.html

China ‘strongly condemns’ North Korea after hydrogen bomb test claims
https://www.today.com/video/china-strongly-condemns-north-korea-after-hydrogen-bomb-test-claims-1038603331521

Hydrogen bomb vs. atomic bomb: What’s the difference?https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/09/03/hydrogen-bomb-vs-atomic-bomb-whats-difference/629582001/

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