Senator Chuck Schumer and Representative Nancy Pelosi say they have agreement from Donald Трамп on a plan to protect hundreds of thousands of young undocumented immigrants, and resolved to iron out a border-security plan “excluding” the US-Mexico border wall. The agreement came during a dinner Wednesday night, which featured Chinese food and chocolate pie for dessert.

Sources say that Трамп didn’t eat any of the chocolate pie, and was seen snickering after the dinner. Anonymous White House sources said that Трамп snuck ExLax into the pie. “Oh, they’ll be more than hungry again in an hour!” Трамп giggled as he went to the bathroom to tweet mindlessly until he fell asleep.


Former Трамп regime spokesman Sean Spicer paid a visit to “Jimmy Kimmel Live” Wednesday night as part of a press tour to rehabilitate his image. Kimmel and Spicer talked about lies from Трамп earlier in the year that his inauguration crowd was the biggest ever, when photographic evidence proved otherwise.

“Why is he so concerned with size?” asked Kimmel. “Have you ever seen the president naked?”

“I have not,” Spicer replied good-naturedly.

Analysts concluded that, based on past statements, that clearly Spicer has seen Трамп naked.


A North Korean state agency said Thursday that Pyongyang should use nuclear weapons to “sink” Japan and turn the United States into “ashes and darkness” as the country stepped up its threatening rhetoric in reaction to new United Nations sanctions over its nuclear program.

When asked why they made the statement, the North Korean state agency said, “We’ve been out of the headlines in the U.S. since the hurricane, and want to make our way back in.”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Schumer, Pelosi, Trump ‘agree’ to fix DACA, disagree on the details

Sean Spicer on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’: I Haven’t Seen Trump Naked

North Korea: Japan ‘no longer needed to exist near us’


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