YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.19

Category 5 Hurricane Maria hit Dominica with “widespread devastation,” according to the prime minister of the Caribbean island nation. Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands are next in its path.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп told aides, “We already did a Category 5 Hurricane. We’ve done hurricanes, I got to hand people groceries. It was fun! There’s better way to get ratings than repeating yourself.”

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On Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, a fan asked Martha Stewart if pumpkin spice was “delicious or for basic bitches only?”

Without hesitation, Stewart said, “The latter.”

According to the White House, First Lady Melania Трамп reportedly loves pumpkin spice lattes, so …

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USA Today reported that Donald Трамп Jr. is giving up his Secret Service protection. The person, speaking under condition of anonymity, was not authorized to comment publicly. Трамп Jr. is declining the protection so he can have more “privacy.”

Трамп Jr. spoke to reporters and said, “They’re always following me. They keep watching what I do. I try to have those phone calls with the Russians, and they, like, watch. It’s creepy. I mean, if I want to sell information to other governments, I should–,” before being whisked out of the room by Jared “The Kush” Kushner.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Hurricane Maria back at Category 5 as it barrels toward Puerto Rico
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/19/americas/hurricane-maria-caribbean-islands/index.html

Martha Stewart revealed her true feelings about pumpkin spice
https://www.today.com/food/martha-stewart-pumpkin-spice-basic-bitches-only-t116426

Donald Trump Jr. gives up Secret Service protection
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/18/donald-trump-jr-gives-up-secret-service-protection/679657001/

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