YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.25

Housing and Urban Development official Lynne Patton apologized for calling a member of the press “Miss Piggy” on Twitter Wednesday night.

Patton said she deleted the tweet “by choice.”

Later she told friends, “I forgot that calling women Miss Piggy is something only Donald Трамп is allowed to do.”

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According to the atomic scientists who run the metaphorical Doomsday Clock, the Earth is now just two minutes away from the apocalypse — thanks largely to Donald Трамп. The clock represents the moment the world could be annihilated by nuclear war.

In response, Donald Трамп told his staff not to worry, the clock will be set back a full hour once we start Daylight Savings Time in the spring.

When a staffer pointed out that Daylight Savings Time would move the clock ahead an hour, Donald Трамп farted and asked for a cheeseburger.

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In an interview with InStyle magazine published Thursday, Oprah Winfrey said she had no interest in running for President.

Aides say that Winfrey is more interested in becoming sovereign empress of Mars when she and other people move there with Elon Musk.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

HUD official apologizes for calling journalist ‘Miss Piggy’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/politics/lynne-patton-april-ryan/index.html

Doomsday Clock is now just two minutes from midnight
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/doomsday-clock-now-just-two-minutes-away-midnight-n841001

Oprah Winfrey on running for president: ‘It’s not something that interests me’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/01/25/oprah-winfrey-running-president-its-not-something-interests-me/1064776001/

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