The Donald seems like the kind of guy who pretends he hates the smell of farts, but really, really enjoys it. Especially his own.

Donald Трамп gave some kind of speech last night, but no one in their right mind trusts what he says or gives a crap about it.

If you see a loved-one praising the speech, check for signs that the person is suffering from crack addiction.


A few weeks ago, Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency activated an Emergency Alert that said North Korea had launched a nuclear missile at the island. The FCC just concluded it’s investigation, and discovered that the person who activated the alert …

  • … thought the missile launch was real
  • … was in a room with five other people who all heard an alert saying, “Exercise, Excercise, Exercise,” indicating the alert was a drill
  • … confused drills with real world events at least twice before
  • … got confused when he was presented with the option to choose between “drill” and “emergency” and chose emergency.

Based on his performance, the Трамп regime plans to give this employee the Nuclear Football for safekeeping.


CDC Director Brenda Fitzgerald, in charge of regulating tobacco, bought shares in tobacco companies in August 2017, one month after she started the job in July 2017. She resigned from her job this morning after a report from Politico on her purchases.

Officials for the Трамп regime were disappointed in her resignation, saying it sets the wrong tone for the administration.

A spokesperson for the regime that sounded like Donald Трамп trying to do a fake Irish accent said, “She should have bought more stock, THEN deregulated, THEN sold her shares. THAT’S how you make money around here!”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Here’s what went wrong with the Hawaii false alarm

CDC Director Brenda Fitzgerald quits following report she bought tobacco shares


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