YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.21

White nationalist Stanley Vernon Majors is set to go on trial Monday on hate crime and first-degree murder charges in the death of Khalid Jabara, 37. Majors walked up to the front steps of the family porch and shot and killed Jabara in August 2016, police said.

Jabara’s family pleaded for help to keep a racist neighbor from killing their son, but their pleas were ignored. Local police said off the record that it would have helped if Majors had been, “like one of those Middle Eastern guys, then we would’ve believed he was dangerous.”

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Probably vampire and current Vice President Mike Pence met with U.S. troops in the Middle East on Sunday, and blamed Democrats for the government shut-down.

When someone at the event pointed out that Republicans control the White House, the House of Representatives and the Senate, Pence screamed, “I AM THE SENATE!” and electrocuted them with Force lightning.

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Amazon opened their new convenience store, Amazon Go, in Seattle. The store has no cashiers, so people who go to the store just browse, grab what they want, and walk out. The ability to do this is enabled by an app and lots of security cameras, wrapped up in technology called Just Walk Out by Amazon.

When asked how many people would be put out of work by stores without cashiers, a representative from Amazon cleared their throat, said, “Would you look at the time?” then decided to Just Walk Out.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Man accused of hate crime, murder goes on trial in neighbor’s killing
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/21/us/hate-next-door-trial-jabara/index.html

Vice President Pence lays blame on Democrats for shutdown during visit with troops
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/vice-president-pence-lays-blame-democrats-shutdown-visit-troops-n839651

Amazon opens its grocery store without a checkout line to the public
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/news/2018/01/21/amazon-set-open-its-grocery-store-without-checkout-line-public/1048492001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.20

Millions of women turned out for the 2nd Women’s March, to galvanize their political power, raise their voices, and fight for a fairer, more equal United States. The women’s march–

BREAKING NEWS: The Federal Government was shut-down on Friday. We’ll get back to the Women’s March after we figure out how to blame the shut-down on Democrats.

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Going back to our previous story, Millions of women turned out for the 2nd Women’s March, to galvanize their political power, raise their voices, and fight for a fairer, more equal United States. The women’s march–

BREAKING NEWS: Teenagers are eating Tide Pods! Yes, Tide Pods, those little packets of laundry soap that look kind of like a gusher. Yes, the teens know that Tide Pods aren’t edible and don’t taste like candy.

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Okay, women’s march … millions of women, 2nd march, political power, more equal yadda yadda … Okay, here we go, The women’s march–

BREAKING NEWS: A man did something! And the something was pull a FIVE FOOT tapeworm from his body! His doctor’s think sushi is to blame.

Anyway, back to The Women’s March. So, the women’s march–oh, sorry. Out of time.

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Pretty much every story I mentioned got more coverage than the women’s march did this morning.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DC Women’s March brings protesters to National Mall
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/20/politics/dc-womens-march/index.html

Yes, People Really Are Eating Tide Pods. No, It’s Not Safe.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/20/us/tide-pod-challenge.html

Man pulls 5-and-a-half foot tapeworm from his body; doctor suggests sushi to blame
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/01/20/man-pulls-5-and-half-foot-tapeworm-his-body-doctor-suggests-sushi-blame/1050899001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.19

Despite having the White House and majorities in the Senate and the House of Representatives, Congressional Republicans have been unable to come up with a funding bill to prevent a shutdown of the Federal Government.

In the face of this, both Republicans and mainstream media sources have worked hard to blame the shutdown on Congressional Democrats. It’s a both sides problem!

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Meanwhile, on Friday Donald Трамп addressed an anti-abortion rally to declare his desire to take away women’s right to choose abortion.

Evangelical Christians applauded the speech, because it let them ignore the fact that Donald Трамп paid porn star Stormy Daniels $130,000 to keep their affair quiet.

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Actor and Producer Michael Douglas has been accused of sexual harassment by writer Susan Braudy.

Upon hearing the news, the White House sent a letter to Michael Douglas demanding he head up their sexual harassment task force.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Government shuts down as lawmakers still searching for a deal
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/19/politics/government-shutdown-trump-congress-latest/index.html

Trump blasts Roe v. Wade in satellite address to anti-abortion rally
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-addresses-anti-abortion-rally-blasts-roe-v-wade-n839131

Michael Douglas accused of sexual harassment by writer Susan Braudy
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/01/19/michael-douglas-accused-sexual-misconduct-writer-susan-braudy-appalled/1047226001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.18

House Republicans are moving toward a vote Thursday to avoid a government shutdown, but it’s unclear if there are enough Republican votes or if Donald Трамп’s tweets could derail their efforts.

So, to recap, the Republican Party has a majority in the House, the Senate and has the White House, but isn’t sure if the Republican Party can get the Republican Party to keep the government open.

Hope that clears things up!

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In Australia, two teenage swimmers were rescued from drowning when a drone came to the rescue and deployed a life raft to save them.

When asked how it felt about the rescue, the drone said, “Phase one complete, humans trust we will save their lives, hahahahahaha,” before flying away.

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Amazon named 20 cities across the United States as finalists in the race to win its second headquarters Thursday. The second headquarters is expected to bring 50,000 jobs and $5 billion in investment.

The chosen city will have the option of free shipping if they wait at least two days for the headquarters to arrive.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Republicans scramble to try to avert government shutdown as deadline nears
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/18/politics/house-votes-government-shutdown/index.html

Lifesaving drone rescues swimmers off Australian coast
https://www.nbcnews.com/video/lifesaver-drone-rescues-swimmers-off-australian-beach-popular-with-surfers-1139608131820?v=b

Amazon names top 20 finalists in second headquarters race
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2018/01/18/amazon-names-top-20-finalists-second-headquarters-race/1040710001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.17

Republican House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy hosted members of the birther movement in his office for a meeting in 2013. The birthers showed him a  video alleging then-President Barack Obama had forged documents related to his citizenship.

McCarthy said he only hosted the meeting because he wanted future generations to know he was an awful, awful person.

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Republican Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona denounced Donald Трамп’s attacks on the media and compared his inflammatory rhetoric to phrases used by Josef Stalin, the Soviet dictator.

With that speech now out of the way, Flake plans to vote with Трамп on whatever bills comes up next.

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Nine of the 12 members of the National Park Service advisory board resigned in protest this week, because Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke hasn’t set up any meetings with the group and has decided not to protect of the nation’s natural treasures.

The other 3 board members are hoping to get in on that sweet, sweet plundering action with Zinke!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy met with birther movement activists in his office in 2013
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/17/politics/kfile-mccarthy-birther-meeting/index.html

Read Senator Jeff Flake’s full speech on Trump’s media attacks
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/read-senator-jeff-flake-s-full-speech-trump-s-media-n838426

9 of 12 National Park Service advisory board members quit in disgust
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/01/17/9-national-park-service-advisory-board-members-quit-disgust/1039551001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.06

VERYSTABLEGENIUS.png
The Donald will later announce his new ‘Very Stable Genius’ clothing and toilet paper line.

 

After the publication of Michael Wolff’s “Fire and Fury,” Donald Трамп responded on Twiter to reports in the book and in the news questioning his mental stability by saying he’s a “very stable genius.”

There’s no punchline, here. That’s. Wow.

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Dr. Mark Griffiths and Dr. Janarthanan Balakrishnan spoke recently to NBC News, and asked, “Can you get addicted to taking selfies?” Citing a report by–

Y’know, seriously. Donald Трамп described himself as a, “Very stable genius.” That’s like, is this in the Bible anywhere? Like, some book about the end of days, “And Lo, the man with fake hair told his followers his genius was stable, and very …” That kind of thing.

Anyway, yeah, NBC News – can you get addicted to taking selfies? Moving on.

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Stuck inside because of the snowstorm? USA Today has got your back, with a list of five movies to binge watch this weekend. Number one of the list is Casino, the Martin Scorsese film about gangsters–

VERY. STABLE. GENIUS. Very Stable Genius. VSG.

Yeah. I’m going back to bed. That seems like the prudent thing for any very stable genius to do right now.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump: I’m a ‘very stable genius’
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/06/politics/donald-trump-white-house-fitness-very-stable-genius/index.html

Can you get addicted to taking selfies?
https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/can-you-get-addicted-taking-selfies-ncna834666

The 5 best gambling and Vegas movies to binge-watch this weekend
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/01/06/5-best-gambling-and-vegas-movies-binge-watch-weekend/969539001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.05

Trump_hair.png
It’s unclear at this time if The Donald’s hair is the source of the bomb-cyclone

The whole Northeast and Midwest of the United States are worried about the bomb cyclone of dangerously frigid temperatures and gusty winds that walloped the region with a major blizzard.

The other bomb cyclone that everyone is worried about: Donald Трамп’s twitter account! We’ll see who he threatens with nuclear war next. At this rate, most likely Colorado!

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Donald Трамп ordered White House Counsel Don McGahn to stop Attorney General Jeff Sessions from recusing himself in the Justice Department’s investigation into potential ties between Russia and the Trump campaign, The New York Times and The Associated Press reported Thursday night. McGahn was unsuccessful.

Y’know, with any other presidency, this would be huge news and a major scandal. It doesn’t qualify as a Donald Трамп scandal, though. To be a Donald Трамп scandal, we’d need McGahn to be riding a donkey naked screaming, “No Excusal for Recusal!” while Donald Трамп live-tweeted the whole thing.

Even then, it’d be 50/50, with a good chance that Paul Ryan saying, “We support the President’s right to live-tweet naked donkey rides.”

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The big news today is a new book about the Трамп regime by Michael Wolff. Donald Трамп claims he never spoke with Wolff during the campaign, a claim that Wolff denies.

“I absolutely spoke to the president, whether he realized it was an interview or not, but it certainly wasn’t off the record,” Wolff told NBC’sToday show Friday.

As a reminder, Трамп also claims his hair is real.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Brutal cold moves in after ‘bomb cyclone’ hammers Northeast
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/05/us/winter-storm-weather/index.html

Trump reported to have ordered lawyer to urge Sessions not to recuse himself
https://www.aol.com/article/news/2018/01/05/trump-reported-to-have-ordered-lawyer-to-urge-sessions-not-to-recuse-himself/23324687/

Michael Wolff, author of White House tell-all book, says he spent 3 hours with Trump on the project
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/01/05/author-white-house-tell-all-book-says-he-spent-3-hours-trump-project/1006641001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.04

TRUMP_CHEESEBURGER.png
No one is ever quite sure what he’s thinking before he tweets, but there are several educated guesses.

Iranian officials accused Donald Трамп of using social media to incite protesters “to change their government,” in a Thursday letter to the United Nations.

In response, Donald Трамп tweeted, “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” then ate a cheeseburger.

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Speaking of Donald Трамп, yesterday he abruptly shut down his signature voter fraud commission. Voter fraud is now being investigated by the Department of Homeland Security and ICE.

Donald Трамп is hopeful that the new investigations will prevent even more Democrats and other brown people from voting in the near future.

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A magnitude-4.4 earthquake struck the San Francisco area before dawn Thursday, rattling windows and silverware and waking many residents but causing little apparent damage.

The earthquake was apparently caused by everyone in Silicon Valley stomping their feet simultaneously when they saw the latest price for Bitcoin.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Iran accuses US of ‘grotesque’ meddling through social media
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/04/middleeast/iran-us-protests-intl/index.html

Trump shuts down voter fraud commission, citing ‘endless legal battles’
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/trump-shuts-down-voter-fraud-commission-citing-endless-legal-battles-n834491

Magnitude-4.4 earthquake near Berkeley shakes San Francisco area
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/01/04/earthquake-shakes-san-francisco-area/1002768001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.03

Senator Chuck Grassley says that four of the seven memos former FBI director James Comey wrote memorializing his interactions with Donald Трамп contained classified information marked at the “secret” or “confidential” levels.

Comey testified in June that he gave some of his memos to a Columbia University professor and that he had written the memos specifically to avoid including classified information.

When asked for comment, a White House aide said, “The memos make it look like Donald Трамп is a dummy, and everyone knows that’s classified because–” before they were quickly whisked away by agents of HYDRA.

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A new book “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” by Michael Wolff contains staggering quotes from former Трамп campaign officials, including Steve Bannon who said a meeting of campaign officials with a Russian lawyer in Trump Tower was “treasonous” and “unpatriotic.”

Трамп denied Bannon’s claim, telling reporters, “He left out PROFITABLE, which is the most important thing! We’re making so much money, buy a hat!”

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AT&T says it will launch mobile 5G in a dozen U.S. markets late this year, staking the claim that it expects to be the first U.S. carrier to offer such blazing speeds to phones.

When asked for further comment clarifying how fast 5G would be, AT&T was unable to answer due to buffering.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Grassley writes Justice Department demanding answers on Comey memos
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/03/politics/chuck-grassley-comey-memos/index.html

Steve Bannon calls Trump Tower Russian meeting ‘treasonous’ in new book
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/steve-bannon-calls-trump-tower-russian-meeting-treasonous-new-book-n834286

Speedy 5G service is coming to smartphones later this year, AT&T says
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/columnist/baig/2018/01/04/first-5-g-wireless-t-stakes-claim/1002615001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.02

Former Milwaukee Sheriff and medal-lover David A. Clarke, Jr. was blocked from tweeting after Twitter users’ complaints alerted the company that three of his messages violated the terms of service, CNN has learned. Apparently Clarke threatened multiple people on Twitter.

Meanwhile, Donald Трамп threatens literally millions of people with nuclear war on a regular basis, but that’s A-Okay with Twitter!

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Internet video-maker Logan Paul issued an apology on Tuesday after posting a video where he and his friends make fun of a dead person who committed suicide hanging from a tree.

A majority of Americans reacted to the news by saying, “Who’s Logan Paul?”

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Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, the most senior Republican in the Senate, announced Tuesday he intends to retire at the end of his term. The move may pave the way for former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney to run for Hatch’s Senate seat.

This continues the tradition of having older white dudes with weird first and last names hold that Utah Senate seat.

Aides for Orrin Hatch say that If Mitt Romney chooses not to run, Republicans will run Hamhock Suitcase for the seat.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Sheriff David Clarke temporarily blocked on Twitter after violating terms of service
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/02/politics/sheriff-david-clarke-twitter/index.html

Logan Paul apologizes after ‘suicide forest’ YouTube post
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/logan-paul-apologizes-after-suicide-forest-youtube-post-n833946

Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch won’t seek re-election this year; may open door for Romney
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/01/02/utah-sen-orrin-hatch-says-he-retire-end-year-may-open-door-romney/996903001/

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