YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.24

White House Historical Association volunteers have been painstakingly archiving precious historical images and other records.

One image they decided not to archive: a selfie Donald Trump took in the bathroom. NOPE!

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Missouri Governor Eric Greitens was indicted for invasion of privacy over a nude photo he took of a woman he had an affair with in 2015.

After being informed of the incident, Donald Трамп asked that Greitens be nominated for U.S. Secretary of Women’s Affairs.

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United Airlines and Delta announced that they won’t offer discounted rates for NRA members in the latest display of corporate backlash to the pro-gun organization.

United Airlines and Delta said they will still offer cramped seats and weird smells on all of their domestic flights.

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That bathroom selfie thing with Trump is another one of those, “Yeah, that could happen,” kind of things.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Librarians digitally archive rare White House images
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/24/politics/white-house-history-digital-library/index.html

Indictment of Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens could have political ripples
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/indictment-missouri-gov-eric-greitens-could-have-political-ripples-n850931

NRA hits back at United Airlines, Delta, other companies for cutting ties
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/02/24/united-airlines-delta-latest-big-names-cut-ties-nra/369950002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.23

CNN reported that since 2014, teachers in Callisburg, Texas have been carrying concealed guns to class.

The initiative reportedly began as a way to encourage students to finish their homework.

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Robert Mueller filed charges against Paul Manafort for secretly paying European politicians to lobby in the United States on behalf of Ukraine.

In related news, it’s unclear at this time if Robert Mueller will file charges against Donald Трамп for not-so-secretly paying women to sleep with him and keep quiet about it.

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USA Today published a list of signs that you work in a toxic office. Example signs that you may work in a toxic office included …

  1. High-turnover
  2. Too much Gossip
  3. Policies trump people
  4. Your boss is Donald Трамп

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Step inside the Texas school district that already arms its teachers
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/23/health/texas-guns-school-district-trnd/index.html

Mueller probe: Manafort hit with new charges after Gates pleads guilty
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/former-trump-campaign-aide-rick-gates-set-plead-guilty-n849256

Top 10 signs you work in a toxic office
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/strauss/2018/02/23/top-10-signs-you-work-toxic-office/365569002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.22

A new spy museum called SPYSCAPE, dedicated to espionage, opened in New York City today.

Sadly, no one showed up for the grand opening because they couldn’t find the building.
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Donald Трамп says that American teachers need to be armed with concealed weapons to stop school shootings.

As a reminder, Donald Трамп also says that his hair is real.

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A six year old child was bitten by an emotional support dog on a Southwest Airlines plane in Phoenix late Wednesday, prompting a debate about whether or not to ban emotional support dogs from airplanes.

Sources say there would be no debate if the child had simply been shot by the dog, instead.

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We offer our thoughts and prayers to the emotional support dog on that Southwest Airlines flight. I think we’ve all felt like biting a six year old child while on one of their flights.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

New spy museum, SPYSCAPE, opens in New York City
https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/new-york-city-spy-museum/index.html

Trump’s proposal to arm teachers panned by experts as a ‘colossally stupid idea’
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/trump-s-proposal-arm-teachers-panned-experts-colossally-stupid-idea-n850286

Emotional support dog bites child on Southwest flight
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/flights/todayinthesky/2018/02/22/emotional-support-dog-bites-child-southwest-flight-debate-animals-airlines/362759002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.21

Fred Guttenberg, whose daughter Jaime was murdered during the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting last week in Parkland, Florida, told Republican Senator Marco Rubio that his comments about the shooting were, “pathetically weak.”

In response, Rubio said, “No I’m not,” and jogged out of the room crying.

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Astrophysicists Michael Hippke and John Learned said in a recent scientific paper that our telescopes might pick up hazardous messages that could hack our computer systems.

In related news, OH MY GOD THE RUSSIANS ARE FROM OUTER SPACE!

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Christian Reverend Billy Graham died Wednesday at the age of 99.

Sadly, Donald Трамп is still alive.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Father of teen slain in Florida school massacre slams Rubio on gun stances
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/21/politics/fred-guttenberg-marco-rubio-cnntv/index.html

Scientists say space aliens could hack our planet
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/should-we-fear-cyberattacks-space-aliens-ncna849941

Billy Graham, America’s pastor, has died
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/02/21/billy-graham-americas-pastor-has-died/858017001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.20

Republicans in the Florida State House on Tuesday opened their session with a prayer for the 17 people killed by an AR-15 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, then immediately rejected a ban on semiautomatic guns and large capacity magazines.

They later planned to reciter the Lord’s Prayer before introducing a bill that would make it mandatory for school children to be fed with food that has only been seasoned by the tears of newborn infants.

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Former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg recently told MSNBC that his former boss Donald Трамп “screws” everyone who works for him.

Well, at least it’s clear that women like Stormy Daniels were on the payroll! BA DUMP BUMP-SH!

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Wisconsin high school senior Justin Rivard invented a tool he calls the “JustinKase” in shop class to help barricade school doors in case of attack by a school shooter.

Meanwhile, his classmate Dewey turned a piece of driftwood into a bong!

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Dewey’s cool.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Florida Legislature rejects weapons ban with massacre survivors en route to Capitol
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/20/us/florida-legislature-weapons-ban/index.html

Fmr. Trump aide: Donald Trump “screws everyone”
https://www.msnbc.com/the-beat-with-ari-melber/watch/fmr-trump-aide-donald-trump-screws-everyone-1166089283533

High school student invents ‘JustinKase’ tool that could save lives during shooting
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/02/20/high-school-student-develops-justinkase-tool-could-save-lives-during-school-shooting/353942002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.19

Did you hear the latest Russialago news? Yeah, Robert Mueller’s is investigating Jared Kushner efforts to get money for his company from Russian investors during the presidential transition.

On the one hand, Jared Kushner looks like the kind of guy that sniffs his own underwear whenever he changes clothes, so, like, I’d never give a dude like that any money.

But on the other hand, he’s a white dude dealing with other white dudes, so, yeah, okay, sure.

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Senate Majority Leader and Yertle the Turtle impersonator Mitch McConnell is back in the news over his refusal in 2016 to sign a bipartisan statement condemning Russian interference in the election.

When asked why he did that by reporters, McConnell responded by sucking his head into his suit and scuttering away.

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A recent Transavia Airlines flight from Dubai turned into a headline from The Onion. Yeah, a guy on a plane kept farting, and two Dutch guys asked him to stop, and the farter said no. That led to a fist fight, which led to some arrests.

A spokesperson for The Onion said, “We did write a headline about this, but never published it. This kind of thing keeps happening, over and over, ever since Трамп became President. We want it stop just as much as the rest of you!”

Reports from inside The Onion say they’re planning to shelve their punchlines about Donald Трамп eating a live human baby as a way to bolster his popularity among his supporters, “Just in case.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Exclusive: Mueller’s interest in Kushner grows to include foreign financing efforts
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/19/politics/mueller-investigation-kushner-foreign-financing-efforts/index.html

McConnell’s response to Russian attack is back in the spotlight
http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/mcconnells-response-russian-attack-back-the-spotlight

Reports: Flight forced to land after man refuses to stop passing gas, fight breaks outhttps://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/flights/2018/02/19/reports-flight-forced-land-after-man-refuses-stop-passing-gas-fight-breaks-out/351638002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.18

Bill Gates told CNN recently that superwealthy people need to contribute more to the United States and that, “I need to pay higher taxes.”

In related news, I called Bill Gates and said, “Hey man, can I have some money?” He responded by saying, “Paul? Is this a joke call?” before hanging up. Bill Gates did not give me any money, so, WAY TO BE A HYPOCRITE BILL!

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Democrat Kristen Rosen Gonzalez is running for the congressional seat in Florida and says that there should be a high-tax on bullets to help curb gun violence.

I have no punchline here, other than to point out that Chris Rock literally suggested this years ago, and he got like ZERO credit here. ZERO. It’s called PRIORITIES MSNBC. You gotta give credit where credit is due. Pfft.

Anyway, Gonzalez wants to make the world safer for people.

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Olympians at the Winter Games in South Korea have noticed that security is really low-key there. Yeah, in South Korea, gun control laws are really restrictive and violent crime is extremely low.

After being informed about this, Vice-President Mike Pence said, “It’s a mystery how South Korea is avoiding mass shootings like we have in the United States.”

When someone said, “It’s probably because they have really restrictive gun control laws and a more peaceful culture,” Pence replied, “Yes, I agree … no one knows how they’re doing it, it’s a mystery … a mystery … a mystery ….”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Billionaire Bill Gates says he should pay ‘significantly higher’ taxes
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/18/politics/bill-gates-taxes-cnntv/index.html

Florida Democrat proposes a tax on bullets
https://www.msnbc.com/kasie-dc/watch/florida-democrat-proposes-a-tax-on-bullets-1164662339738

Keeping Olympics safe: South Korean gun laws make a mass shooting nearly unfathomable
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/winter-olympics-2018/2018/02/18/winter-olympics-south-korea-tough-gun-laws-mass-shooting/349138002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.17

Robert Mueller’s latest indictments have revealed a complex story of Russian intrigue.

Given the complex nature of the revelations, Donald Трамп is planning to ignore them and just blame Hillary Clinton for whatever.

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After a Трамп supporting young dude slaughtered 17 people in a Parkland, Florida high school, Republican Congressman Francis Rooney is calling on Congress to enact new gun safety legislation.

Aides say Rooney will be back to working on loosening gun laws in a few weeks once people forget about the deaths in Parkland, Florida.

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Parkland, Florida, High School student Emma Gonzalez in Parkland, Florida told a crowd at a massive anti-gun rally organized by the students that, “We will be the last mass shooting.”

After being told about the rally, NRA President and pile of festering pig feces Wayne LaPierre said, “I’ll take that bet.”

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That last one is barely a punch line, it’s too real.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Mueller tells a compelling story of Russian intrigue that was designed to elect Trump
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/17/opinions/muellers-compelling-story-of-russian-intrigue-to-elect-trump-opinion-callan/index.html

GOP Rep. Rooney: We have to give up some freedom for sake of gun safety
https://www.msnbc.com/weekends-with-alex-witt/watch/after-parkland-republican-rep-rooney-calls-for-new-gun-safety-laws-1164101187897

‘We will be the last mass shooting’: Florida students want to be tipping point in gun debate
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/02/17/we-last-mass-shooting-florida-students-might-tipping-point-gun-debate/347992002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.16

First lady Melania Трамп drove separately from Donald Трамп to Edwards Airforce base today.

Melania’s communication director said the First Lady was trying to be respectful of Donald Трамп’s time, and make sure he had all the time he needed to SPEND WITH THOSE OTHER WOMEN IN THE LIMO!

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Donald Трамп and his friends concealed an affair he had with former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal during the second year of his marriage to Melania Трамп.

Melania icily denied the truth of the affair, and told reporters, “I don’t believe it’s true, because Donald has no friends.”

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Special counsel Robert Mueller filed criminal charges against 13 Russian nationals and 3 Russian businesses on Friday for undermining the 2016 presidential election.

After being briefed about the news, Donald Трамп expressed relief that it was only 3 Russian businesses, and that Mueller hadn’t found out yet about, “All those other ones! PHEW! DODGED A BULLET!”

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8/29/2014 – American political press freaks out because President Barrack Hussein Obama wears a TAN SUIT to a press conference.

2/16/2018 – American political press freaks out because they don’t know whether to lead with …

  • Another School Shooting
  • Donald Trump’s covering up MULTIPLE affairs with pay-offs
  • Multiple indictments from Robert Mueller related to Russialago
  • Black Panther

Man. I wish we could’ve had another 4 years of Obama. Because I would’ve liked to see him rock the tan suit to Black Panther this weekend. THAT would’ve been a fun scandal.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Melania Trump arrives solo to air base amid second affair scandal as first couple heads to Florida
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/16/politics/melania-trump-affair-scandal-white-house/index.html

Former Playboy model claims she had an affair with Trump, report says
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/former-playboy-model-claims-she-had-affair-trump-report-says-n848601

Special counsel indicts Russian nationals for interfering with U.S. elections and political processes
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/16/special-counsel-indicts-russian-nationals-election-interference/345720002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.15

Republican lawmakers offered thoughts and prayers over the murder of 17 kids in Florida by a 19 year old gunman. The kids were killed with an AR-15, a gun that can shoot 45 rounds a minute.

When asked if any of the thoughts and prayers were for common sense gun control laws, Republican lawmakers said, “Pfft, duh, of course not!”

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Human-shaped can of moldy spam Steve Bannon was interviewed by special counsel Robert Mueller over multiple days this week according to NBC News.

Reports say that Bannon gave testimony in pitch black rooms, to avoid any light that could cause his demon skin to burst into flames.

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USA Today reported today that Australia hasn’t had a fatal mass shooting since 1996, due to focused gun control laws that restricted the sale of semi-automatic and automatic rifles.

When asked why they ran this story, a USA Today spokesperson said, “Well, this story gets run every time there’s a mass shooting in the United States, and it was our turn to run it this week.”

Rumors say that ABC News will report this after the next school shooting, most likely next week.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

You don’t need a permit or license to buy a gun in Florida. (And you don’t have to register your gun either)
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/15/us/florida-gun-laws-trnd/index.html

Steve Bannon met with Mueller multiple times over the past week
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/steve-bannon-met-mueller-multiple-times-over-past-week-n848421

Australia hasn’t had a fatal mass shooting since 1996. Here’s what it did
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/02/15/australia-hasnt-had-fatal-mass-shooting-since-1996-heres-what-did/340345002/

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