Did you hear the latest Russialago news? Yeah, Robert Mueller’s is investigating Jared Kushner efforts to get money for his company from Russian investors during the presidential transition.

On the one hand, Jared Kushner looks like the kind of guy that sniffs his own underwear whenever he changes clothes, so, like, I’d never give a dude like that any money.

But on the other hand, he’s a white dude dealing with other white dudes, so, yeah, okay, sure.


Senate Majority Leader and Yertle the Turtle impersonator Mitch McConnell is back in the news over his refusal in 2016 to sign a bipartisan statement condemning Russian interference in the election.

When asked why he did that by reporters, McConnell responded by sucking his head into his suit and scuttering away.


A recent Transavia Airlines flight from Dubai turned into a headline from The Onion. Yeah, a guy on a plane kept farting, and two Dutch guys asked him to stop, and the farter said no. That led to a fist fight, which led to some arrests.

A spokesperson for The Onion said, “We did write a headline about this, but never published it. This kind of thing keeps happening, over and over, ever since Трамп became President. We want it stop just as much as the rest of you!”

Reports from inside The Onion say they’re planning to shelve their punchlines about Donald Трамп eating a live human baby as a way to bolster his popularity among his supporters, “Just in case.”


Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Exclusive: Mueller’s interest in Kushner grows to include foreign financing efforts

McConnell’s response to Russian attack is back in the spotlight

Reports: Flight forced to land after man refuses to stop passing gas, fight breaks out


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