YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.16

Tennessee Democrat John Ray Clemmons introduced a bill to the Tennessee State Legislature to denounce Neo-Nazi groups and white nationalism. The bill was voted down by Republicans in 36 seconds.

Spokespeople for the Republican Party said the bill wasn’t voted down because their colleagues are racist, but because the bill didn’t, “thank any of the good Nazis who do nice things, too, y’know!”

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Seven U.S. service members aboard an American military helicopter that crashed in western Iraq late Thursday were killed, according to U.S. military officials.

People around the U.S. reacted to the news by saying, “We still have soldiers in Iraq?”

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Lawyers for Stormy Daniels, an adult film actress who was paid $130,000 to keep her affair with Donald Трамп silent, told reporters that she was threatened with physical violence if she didn’t agree to the payment.

When asked for a comment on the matter, spokespeople for the Трамп regime said, “No one threatened Stormy Daniels, but if she keeps talking we’re gonna give her a smack in the mouth!”

The spokesperson was then immediately fired by the White House, hired by the Трамп Reelection Campaign, then nominated for Secretary of State.

Aides say that the anonymous spokesperson has also been offered a show on Fox News.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

A resolution denouncing neo-Nazis dies in 36 seconds
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/16/politics/tennessee-white-nationalist-resolution-trnd/index.html

Seven U.S. service members killed in Iraq helicopter crash
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/military/u-s-helicopter-crashes-western-iraq-rescue-underway-n857156

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer says porn star was physically threatened to remain silent over alleged affair with Trump
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/03/16/stormy-daniels-lawyer-says-porn-star-physically-threatened-remain-silent-over-alleged-affair-trump/431167002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.15

Just after Secretary of State Rex Tillerson’s sudden firing Tuesday morning over Twitter, American diplomats around the planet were told not to comment that the firing was a surprise by the Трамп regime.

According to sources, Donald Трамп wanted to ensure that the White House was the only source of ongoing confusion about the firing.

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Former Congressman and current CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the new nominee for Secretary of State, has an extensive record opposing the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans according to Human Rights Campaign.

When asked for a comment on Pompeo’s reckless prejudice, Трамп regime spokesperson rolled her eyes and said, “No DUH, being anti-gay is why he was nominated! Pfft!”

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Vanessa Трамп filed for uncontested divorce from Donald Trump Jr., on Thursday. Uncontested means there likely won’t be a fight over custody or assets, according to the reports.

When asked if the reason for the divorce was to potentially hide assets from any criminal probe Donald Трамп Jr. could get caught up in, Vanessa Трамп replied no comment while stuffing silverware into her purse.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US diplomats confused, told not to tweet or post on Tillerson’s firing
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/15/politics/rex-tillerson-firing-state-department-reaction/index.html

LGBTQ advocates see Pompeo as ‘reckless choice’ for top diplomat
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-advocates-see-pompeo-reckless-choice-top-diplomat-n856881

Donald Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa are divorcing
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/03/15/reports-presidents-eldest-donald-trump-jr-and-wife-vanessa-divorcing/430151002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.14

Physicist Stephen Hawking died at the age of 76.  Hawking had been confined to a wheelchair by a neurological disease for decades, and communicated using a speech synthesizer.

In related news, Donald Трамп is still alive.

It’s also still unclear at this time what neurological disease Трамп has.

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Newly released emails show that Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson and his wife choose a $31,000 furniture set for his Department of Housing and Urban Development dining room. Carson has repeatedly claimed that he didn’t pick the furniture.

When asked by a reporter who picked the dining room set, Carson kept nodding at his wife for some reason and looking at her quickly.

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Millions of students across the country staged a school walk-out at 10.00am today for 17 minutes to protest gun violence and demand action.

Meanwhile, at the same time, millions of adults across the country complained that they had to wait in line too long for Starbucks coffee.

Reports say that the adults all got their coffee by 10.30am.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Stephen Hawking’s memorable quotes: ‘We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/03/14/stephen-hawking-quotations/423145002/

First on CNN: Emails show Ben, Candy Carson selected $31,000 dining set
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/14/politics/emails-ben-candy-carson-dining-set/index.html

Students demand action on gun violence with nationwide walkout
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/national-school-walkout-marks-month-parkland-mass-shooting-n856386

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.13

CNN reported today that Paul Manafort could face the rest of his life and almost 300 years in prison, a federal judge said Tuesday.

Americans around the country reacted to the news by screaming, “Paul Manafort is going to live to be over 300 years old?”

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Donald Трамп sent out a tweet Tuesday morning announcing he had fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and appointed CIA Director Mike Pompeo to replace him.

When asked why he fired Tillerson over Twitter instead of face-to-face, Donald Трамп told reporters, “Your mom is face-to-face!”

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USA Today writer Glenn Harlan Reynolds said in a recent column that California’s so-called ‘Sanctuary City’ laws make it ripe for Attorney General Jeff Sessions to send US troops to California to stop insurrection. He compared the Sanctuary laws to the desegregation orders by the Federal Government that required US troops to enforce.

Reynolds has also said that white males have the hardest time in America, so, way to go USA Today! There’s no punchline here, because this actual story is already dumb!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Paul Manafort faces 305 years
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/13/politics/paul-manafort-faces-305-years/index.html

Trump fires Rex Tillerson, selects Mike Pompeo as new Secretary of State
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-replaces-secretary-state-tillerson-cia-director-n856091

Could Trump and Sessions send federal troops to California over immigration?
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/03/13/trump-sessions-might-send-federal-troops-california-immigration-laws-glenn-reynolds-column/417633002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.12

Responding to customer pressure, Army and Air Force Exchange Service stores Monday reversed their decision to stop selling high capacity ammunition magazines just 10 days after they were removed from 72 military Post Exchanges across the United States. Customers told the exchange that they were using the high-capacity magazines as “supplemental” gear for their military issued gear.

As former Army corporal H.S. Puttgrass told a reporter, “We might get another Obama in the White House and I want to be ready, wait a minute, are you a reporter, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU COMMIE!”

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House Republicans investigating foreign interference in the 2016 election say they have found no evidence that Russians colluded with Donald Трамп’s campaign.

In a related report, house Republicans also concluded that John F. Kennedy was responsible for his own assassination. “President Kennedy was clearly the second shooter,” said Congressman Devin Nunes.

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Newly declassified video and audio show U.S. Navy pilots encountering a high speed aircraft gliding along the water without wings, tail or visible means of propulsion.

“What … is that thing?” one pilot can be heard saying in the video.

A top intelligence official speaking on condition of anonymity told reporters that it wasn’t a UFO, it was the secret system used to transport the yak hair used to make Donald Трамп’s wigs.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Military exchanges reverse decision to stop selling high capacity magazines
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/12/politics/military-exchange-high-capacity-magazine-reversal/index.html

House Republicans say investigation found no evidence of Russia-Trump collusion
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-republicans-say-investigation-found-no-evidence-russia-trump-collusion-n855986

UFO encounter? New footage shows U.S. Navy pilots’ apparent sighting of alien craft near East Coast
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/03/12/ufo-encounter-new-footage-shows-u-s-navy-pilots-apparent-sighting-alien-craft-near-east-coast/415951002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.11

CNN reported that Russian President Vladimir Putin is one of many Russian men who eat and bathe in the blood Siberian red deer. According to people who eat and bathe in Siberian deer blood, this fights the aging process.

Not to be outdone, Donald Трамп says he bathes in puppy blood for totally unrelated reasons.

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Speaking of Donald Трамп, in a recent statement he promised to fund arming and training teachers with guns.

So, Mr. Bartol if you’re out there, jokes on you, I’m not in highschool anymore so it’s too late for you to shoot me, haha!

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Elon Musk told a crowd at SXSW in Austin that SpaceX will have Mars spaceships ready for short flights by the first half of next year.

Musk said he’s hoping to accelerate the timetable for his rockets because he’d like to get the heck out of here as soon as possible, just like the rest of us.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Russians soak up the ‘power’ of Siberian red deer blood
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/11/europe/russia-deer-antler-blood-intl/index.html

White House promises federal aid to train armed teachers
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/white-house-promises-federal-aid-train-armed-teachers-n855636

Elon Musk: SpaceX Mars spaceships ready by next year
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2018/03/11/elon-musk-spacex-mars-spaceships-ready-next-year/414840002/

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