YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.13

Robert Mueller indicted 12 Russian hackers for breaking into email servers belonging to the Democratic National Committee in 2016. The indictment references an unnamed individual who helped coordinate the release of the information; pundits believe this person is Roger Stone.

Stone is concerned that the release of the news will increase the number of talk show appearances he’s scheduled to be booked on in the next few weeks. “I’m tired!” he said while sitting in a makeup chair at CNN.

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A total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month. The blood moon will be the longest total eclipse of this century.

White House aides say the blood moon is crucial to helping former Трамп advisor Steve Bannon find a new host body to inhabit.

“We can only do the demon ritual during a blood moon!” said a literal monster dripping with slime to members of NBC News.

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At least half of Twitter users spent time on Friday counting the ways that Donald Трамп insulted Queen Elizabeth during his recent state visit.

The other half of Twitter users were purged for being bots.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Roger Stone’s messages suggest he is unnamed person in new Russia indictment
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/13/politics/roger-stone-russia-investigation-wikileaks/index.html

Total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/total-lunar-eclipse-will-turn-moon-blood-red-later-month-ncna891191

Twitter counts ways President Trump ‘insulted’ Queen Elizabeth
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/07/13/twitter-counts-ways-president-trump-insulted-queen/784042002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.02

Former Milwaukee Sheriff and medal-lover David A. Clarke, Jr. was blocked from tweeting after Twitter users’ complaints alerted the company that three of his messages violated the terms of service, CNN has learned. Apparently Clarke threatened multiple people on Twitter.

Meanwhile, Donald Трамп threatens literally millions of people with nuclear war on a regular basis, but that’s A-Okay with Twitter!

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Internet video-maker Logan Paul issued an apology on Tuesday after posting a video where he and his friends make fun of a dead person who committed suicide hanging from a tree.

A majority of Americans reacted to the news by saying, “Who’s Logan Paul?”

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Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, the most senior Republican in the Senate, announced Tuesday he intends to retire at the end of his term. The move may pave the way for former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney to run for Hatch’s Senate seat.

This continues the tradition of having older white dudes with weird first and last names hold that Utah Senate seat.

Aides for Orrin Hatch say that If Mitt Romney chooses not to run, Republicans will run Hamhock Suitcase for the seat.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Sheriff David Clarke temporarily blocked on Twitter after violating terms of service
http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/02/politics/sheriff-david-clarke-twitter/index.html

Logan Paul apologizes after ‘suicide forest’ YouTube post
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/logan-paul-apologizes-after-suicide-forest-youtube-post-n833946

Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch won’t seek re-election this year; may open door for Romney
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/01/02/utah-sen-orrin-hatch-says-he-retire-end-year-may-open-door-romney/996903001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.31

george_papadopoulous.png
In hindsight, most reporters should’ve known there was something nefarious about George Papadapoulos because of the HYDRA bling he insisted on wearing. 

Speaking of Russialago, it looks like the whole Trump Russia affair began with Trump advisor George Papadopoulos, when he told Australian diploma, Alexander Downer during a meeting in London in May 2016 that Russia had thousands of emails that would embarrass Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. Downer is Australia’s top diplomat in Britain.

Donald Трамп denies the claim, and said his affair with Putin began at least ten years ago.

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South Korea has seized an oil-tanker from Panama that was attempting to sell oil to North Korea. This is the second ship that the South Korean government has caught attempting to evade UN sanctions.

Aides say that Donald Трамп will comment after he gets permission from Vladimir Putin.

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In Houston, Texas, police arrested a man they say was found with several guns and ammunition in his Hyatt Regency hotel room downtown. He was drunk and harassing other guests prior to his arrest and the discovery of the arsenal. It looked like he was planning to shoot people at the Hyatt during their New Year’s Eve celebration.

Texas officials were pretty sure he was in ISIS, until they decided the potential shooter was a crazy loner because he’s a white guy.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

South Korea seizes second ship amid North Korea sanctions row
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/31/asia/north-korea-ship-seizure-intl/index.html

Papadopoulos brag to Australian diplomat was key factor in FBI’s Russia probe: report
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/papadopoulos-brag-australian-diplomat-was-key-factor-fbi-s-russia-n833691

Man found with guns, ammunition in Houston hotel room
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/12/31/houston-man-found-guns-ammunition-downtown-hotel-room/993235001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.26

fascis_disco_queen.pngThe historic Jackson Magnolia, a tree that has been in place since the 1800s, will be cut down and removed from the White House. The decision to remove the tree from the White House was made by First Lady Melania Трамп. Reports say that the reason the tree is being removed is because it’s old and diseased.

In related news, reports say that Melania Трамп would also like to remove Donald from the White House for the same reasons.

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The wave of lawsuits against powerful men who’ve sexually harassed and assaulted women has got lawmakers rethinking statutes of limitations for those crimes. Many lawmakers would like to completely remove them in the case of sexual assault.

The exception is a least one Republican lawmaker in the White House who’s name rhymes with “Ronald Dump.”

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Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz has worked for the last year on a  wide-ranging review of Federal government handling of Hillary Clinton’s emails.

Pundits are expecting a good chunk of 2018 news to be devoted once again to Hillary Clinton emails, much to the delight of your one facebook friend who could never let it go.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Exclusive: Iconic White House tree to be cut down
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/26/politics/white-house-jackson-magnolia-south-facade/index.html

Sex misconduct cases spur rethinking of statute of limitations
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/sex-misconduct-cases-spur-rethinking-statute-limitations-n822286

Analysis: The quiet probe into Clinton email investigation could be a landmine for Robert Mueller
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/12/26/analysis-quiet-probe-into-clinton-email-investigation-could-landmine-robert-mueller/965396001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.27

After human paraquat Donald Трамп attacked press outlets over the weekend, former CIA and National Security Agency Director Michael Hayden said he could not believe the President was capable of “such an outrageous assault” on the First Amendment.

“If this is who we are or who we are becoming, I have wasted 40 years of my life,” Hayden tweeted over the weekend.

I guess Hayden is wishing he’d went ahead and become an architect like he always dreamed.

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Russian election influence, the ever-widening sexual harassment scandal, mass shootings and the opioid epidemic helped elevate the word “complicit” as Dictionary.com’s word of the year for 2017.

The runner-up word of the year was a picture of Donald Трамп captioned “Jerk.”

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Tufts University postponed an event featuring Anthony Scaramucci after the former White House communications director threatened to sue a student over an opinion piece published in the school newspaper.

The Mooch plans on suing a high-school next for posting an inaccurate lunch menu.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Ex-CIA Director Hayden blasts Trump’s CNN attack
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/27/politics/michael-hayden-criticizes-trump/index.html

‘Complicit’ is word of the year, according to Dictionary.com
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/complicit-word-year-according-dictionary-com-n824121

Tufts University postpones Anthony Scaramucci event after he threatens to sue student
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/11/27/tufts-university-postpones-anthony-scaramucci-event-after-he-threatens-sue-student/896885001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.30

In court records unsealed on Monday, Трамп campaign foreign policy adviser George Papadopoulos plead guilty in July after he lied to the FBI about his interactions with foreign officials close to the Russian government.

When asked for a comment, Sarah Huckabee Sanders replied, “I can’t hear you LALALALALA.”

Sources on the scene say Sanders also had her fingers in her ears.

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Former Donald Трамп campaign manager Paul Manafort and his longtime business partner Rick Gates were indicted for a lot of charges including treason by special counsel Robert Mueller’s office announced Monday.

In response to this news, Donald Трамп has decided to wander around the White House, stuffing his pockets with silverware, historical artifacts and a fake passport.

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Donald Трамп reacted to the indictment of his former campaign chairman Monday by tweeting.

“Sorry, but this is years ago, before Paul Manafort was part of the Trump campaign,” Trump said in a tweet. “But why aren’t Crooked Hillary & the Dems the focus?????”

“Also,” he continued. “There is NO COLLUSION!”

Aides to the Трамп Regime say that later on, Donald Трамп will tweet …

 

  • “Why aren’t we talking about how badly The Apprentice did without me?”
  • “Let’s cut taxes NOW! I do not golf! You konw who golfed a lot? Obama but you don’t hear about that!”
  • “WE HAE RPUELIBCNA UNITY #MAGA”

 

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Ex-Trump campaign adviser pleads guilty to making false statement
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/30/politics/paul-manafort-russia-investigation-surrender/index.html

Manafort, Gates Charged With Conspiracy in Mueller Investigation
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/paul-manafort-rick-gates-told-surrender-special-prosecutor-probe-n815536

After Paul Manafort indictment, Trump points finger at Hillary Clinton
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/30/trump-manafort-indictment-response-clinton/812799001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.26

Donald Трамп is declaring a nationwide health emergency to combat the opioid crisis at an event in the White House on Thursday.

House Democrats are considering declaring a mental health emergency over Трамп’s tweets.

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Donald Трамп has spent $1.75 million on furniture for the White House. That includes $7,000 for “furniture pedestals”, $5,000 for wallpaper, and $17,000 for custom rugs.

Трамп also reportedly spends $1.75 million per year on the custom rug he wears on his head.

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The National Archive is releasing a final batch of records about the Kennedy assassination.

According to Republican lawmakers, the final batch of records prove that Hillary Clinton was the second gunman.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

What Trump’s opioid announcement means — and doesn’t mean
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/26/politics/national-health-emergency-national-disaster/index.html

Trump Spending $1.75 Million on Presidential Furniture, Redecorations
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-spent-1-75-million-presidential-furniture-redecorations-n814551

JFK files out Thursday: What to expect from secret records on Kennedy assassination
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/26/john-f-kennedy-assassination-archives-release-secret-jfk-files/798788001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.04

The Justice Department released hundreds of decades-old internal legal memos that conclude the President is legally barred from appointing a relative to a position in the White House after receiving several Freedom of Information Act requests for the material. In January of this year, deputy assistant attorney general Daniel Koffsky reversed this legal position in January, finding the anti-nepotism law covers only appointments in an “executive” agency and that the White House Office is not such an agency under the law.

“In choosing his personal staff, the President enjoys an unusual degree of freedom, which Congress found suitable to the demands of his office,” wrote Koffsky.

When asked if there’s a policy that prevents the President from hiring white supremacists and white nationalists, Koffsky said, “No, of course not you fool!”

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Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was on the verge of resigning this past summer. Tensions came to a head after a July 20 meeting at the Pentagon with members of Donald Трамп’s national security team and Cabinet officials went poorly. Tillerson had openly disparaged Трамп, referring to him as a “moron,” after the meeting.

Aides said they heard Tillerson crying in the bathroom just a few days ago, lamenting his situation. “All I want to do is secure a deal with the Russian government so Exxon can make a bunch of money drilling for oil in the arctic,” Tillerson said while sitting on the toilet.

To make amends and get Tillerson and Трамп back on the same page, aides say they plan to try and get Трамп to buy stock in Exxon Mobil.

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Jared Kushner and daughter Ivanka Трамп routed their personal email accounts to computers run by the Trump Organization as public scrutiny intensified over their use of private emails to conduct White House business, internet registration records show.

Various news outlets are planning to run this story 24/7 for the next year as soon as they can find an email sent to either Kushner or Трамп by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DOJ releases slew of memos lobbying against presidential appointments for family
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/03/politics/doj-old-anti-nepotism-olc-memos/index.html

Tillerson’s Fury at Trump Required an Intervention From Pence
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/tillerson-s-fury-trump-required-intervention-pence-n806451

Exclusive: Jared Kushner’s personal email re-routed to Trump Organization computers amid public scrutiny
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/03/exclusive-jared-kushners-personal-email-moved-trump-organization-computers-amid-public-scrutiny/728467001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.29

Officials of the Трамп Regime are demanding the private account information of potentially thousands of Facebook users in three separate search warrants served on the social media giant, according to court documents obtained by CNN. The warrants specifically target users who are described by their attorneys as “anti-administration activists who have spoken out at organized events, and who are generally very critical of this administration’s policies.”

One of those users, Emmelia Talarico, operated the disruptj20 page where Inauguration Day protests were organized and discussed.

When confronted with the fact that the Трамп Regime is specifically targetting the free speech rights of American citizens to quell dissent, White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Yes, that is correct, that is exactly what we’re doing, uh no doy. NO DOY PEOPLE!” then walked off the stage.

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Donald Трамп complained again recently about a Watergate-era reform law that prohibits American companies from bribing foreign government officials. The law in question is one that could ensare Paul Manafort.

Officials of the Трамп Regime are planning to request Congress introduce legislation that would exempt the Трамп brand from the law.

Huh. That last one doesn’t look like a punchline.

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The Senate Intelligence Committee said President Trump’s adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner failed to disclose that he had used a private email address to conduct official White House business.

When asked why he didn’t disclose the private email, Kushner said, “Well, like, in some of those I was, like, talking about that pee tape thing with my wife, and like, I didn’t want anyone to know that I knew about–” before being whisked out of the room by the Secret Service.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DOJ demands Facebook information from ‘anti-administration activists’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/28/politics/facebook-anti-administration-activists/index.html

Law Trump Hated Could Ensnare Manafort
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/law-trump-hated-could-ensnare-manafort-n805726

Jared Kushner didn’t disclose personal email account to Senate Intel committee: report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/09/28/jared-kushner-failed-disclose-personal-email-account-senate-intel-committee/714157001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.25

As the Republican Party’s last-ditch effort to repeal Obamacare hangs by a thread, a revised version of the Graham-Cassidy bill was circulated to Senate Republicans on Sunday with the aim of winning over key votes. One of the key changes was to allow Alaska to keep Obamacare to get Senator Lisa Murkowski to vote for the bill.

Sources say that Senator Lindsay Graham may change the bill to allow every state to keep Obamacare to get votes, while adding a final provision that says, “We rename Obamacare to Трампcare,” to make everyone happy.

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Donald Трамп banned or restricted visas for travel to the United States from Iran, Libya, Somalia, Syria, Yemen, Chad, North Korea and Venezuela on Sunday. His original travel ban expired the same day.

Aides say Трамп is ready to sign a new bill restricting travel for NFL Players, the NBA, Stevie Wonder, any black people, Nancy Pelosi, and others. The list of other people Трамп would like to ban for travel is being kept on a roll of toilet paper in his favorite bathroom.

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Presidential son-in-law and senior adviser Jared Kushner has been using a private email account to conduct White House business, along with several other officials of the Трамп regime. All of them set-up their private accounts after the election.

It’s unclear at this time if US News Media will run stories about this 24/7 for the next 2 years. A spokesperson for USA Today said, “It really depends on whether or not we can work in mentions of Hillary Clinton while we do it.”

In related news, Irony died yesterday in a quiet ceremony in Washington, D.C.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Republican health care bill revised to target key votes
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/24/politics/revised-graham-cassidy-bill/index.html

Trump Restricts Visas From Eight Countries as Travel Order Expires
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/immigration/trump-restricts-visas-eight-countries-travel-order-expires-n804366

Kushner used private email to conduct White House business
http://www.politico.com/story/2017/09/24/jared-kushner-private-email-white-house-243071

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