YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.25

Housing and Urban Development official Lynne Patton apologized for calling a member of the press “Miss Piggy” on Twitter Wednesday night.

Patton said she deleted the tweet “by choice.”

Later she told friends, “I forgot that calling women Miss Piggy is something only Donald Трамп is allowed to do.”

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According to the atomic scientists who run the metaphorical Doomsday Clock, the Earth is now just two minutes away from the apocalypse — thanks largely to Donald Трамп. The clock represents the moment the world could be annihilated by nuclear war.

In response, Donald Трамп told his staff not to worry, the clock will be set back a full hour once we start Daylight Savings Time in the spring.

When a staffer pointed out that Daylight Savings Time would move the clock ahead an hour, Donald Трамп farted and asked for a cheeseburger.

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In an interview with InStyle magazine published Thursday, Oprah Winfrey said she had no interest in running for President.

Aides say that Winfrey is more interested in becoming sovereign empress of Mars when she and other people move there with Elon Musk.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

HUD official apologizes for calling journalist ‘Miss Piggy’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/25/politics/lynne-patton-april-ryan/index.html

Doomsday Clock is now just two minutes from midnight
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/doomsday-clock-now-just-two-minutes-away-midnight-n841001

Oprah Winfrey on running for president: ‘It’s not something that interests me’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/01/25/oprah-winfrey-running-president-its-not-something-interests-me/1064776001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.18

Donald Трамп is telling friends, confidants and colleageus in the White House that he believes strongly that he’ll soon be cleared of wrong-doing in the ongoing Russia probe from the office of Robert Mueller.

As a reminder to our readers, Трамп also tells people that his hair is real.

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The lights are finally back on at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta after a nearly 11-hour power loss caused more than a thousand flight cancellations. Soon after the lights came on, a thick layer of fog rolled into Atlanta, which threatens to ground more flights.

Officials on the ground in Atlanta are expecting that by the afternoon, they’ll be attacked by Godzilla.

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Hersheys buying Amplify Snack Brands, the makers of Skinny Pop popcorn, Tyrrells chips and other snack brands in a deal that will surely fatten up their bottom line. Hershey will pay more than $920 million in a move that lets them nibble into new markets. The deal looks especially tasty to Hershey’s shareholders.

Americans should expect food puns about the deal to subside in early 2018.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump predicts exoneration in Russia investigation as allies fear a ‘meltdown’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/18/politics/trump-russia-investigation/index.html

Power back on at Atlanta airport, but hundreds of flights still canceled
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/airplane-mode/power-back-atlanta-airport-hundreds-flights-still-canceled-n830691

Hershey to acquire Skinny Pop maker for $920M
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/12/18/hershey-skinny-pop-amplify-brands/960291001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.09

At a campaign rally, Donald Трамп attacked the “rigged” and “sick” institutions of the government of the U.S. government he leads.

Most Americans agree that Donald Трамп’s government is, indeed, rigged and sick.

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California Governor Jerry Brown toured areas devastated by a large wildfire burning in Southern California on Saturday, and warned that wildfires are the “new normal” of life in California.

In related news, Disneyland says they plan to keep things running normally in their park by setting fire to “It’s a Small World.”

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Egypt on Saturday announced the discovery of two small ancient tombs in the southern city Luxor dating back some 3,500 years.

Meanwhile, Las Vegas announced the discovery of two small casinos underneath the Luxor Hotel. “We forgot they were there,” the manager of the Luxor Hotel old the press.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump escalates ‘rigged system’ rhetoric amid Russia probe
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/09/politics/donald-trump-rigged-sick-institutions/index.html

California faces ‘new normal’ of intense wildfires, governor says
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/western-wildfires/california-faces-new-normal-wildfires-governor-says-n828106

‘Exceptional day’: 2 ancient tombs discovered in Egypt’s Luxor
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/12/09/exceptional-day-2-ancient-tombs-discovered-egypts-luxor/937510001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.19

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe gave a rambling televised speech to his country Sunday after receiving an ultimatum from his own party that said it would move to impeach him if he did not resign.

In related news, US President Donald Трамп literally gives a rambling televised speech every day in the United States, but there’s no sign that Republicans will move to impeach him.

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Award-winning playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda and thousands of supporters streamed from the U.S. Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial Sunday shouting “Puerto Rico Se Levanta” (Puerto Rico Is Rising) to protest how Congress and the Trump administration have handled the island’s nearly two-month-old hurricane recovery.

Reports on the scene say that the waitlist for getting into the protest was at least a year long, but that people had a good chance to get into the protest if they stood in will-call.

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The Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee voted 13-10 last week to approve a bill that would allow oil companies to drill in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The full bill can now go the Republican Senate for a vote.

Political reporters at the Senate say that they include a provision that requires oil companies to randomly beat at least 2 baby harbor seals to death per day in order to increase the likelihood that the bill will be approved by Donald Трамп.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Zimbabwe’s Mugabe vows to stay in power despite pressure to resign
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/19/africa/zimbabwe-mugabe-party-meeting/index.html

‘You are not forgotten’: Lin-Manuel Miranda, thousands march for Puerto Rico recovery help
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/you-are-not-forgotten-lin-manuel-miranda-thousands-march-puerto-n821616

Congress moves to ‘drill, baby, drill’ in Alaska’s ANWR. Here’s what you should know
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/19/congress-moves-drill-baby-drill-alaska-anwr-refuge-heres-what-you-should-know/874187001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.08

Democrats won key races in Virginia and New Jersey, including the Governor’s offices in the 2017 election.

CNN and other media pundits are looking for ways to spin this into a story about Democratic Party disarray.

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NASA Astronaut and Apollo 12 Pilot Dick Gordon passed away at the age of 88.

Reports say he died after eating Astronaut Ice-Cream.

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EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt said that even though his own agency reports that humans are causing global warming, he still plans to roll back the Obama-era Clean Power Plan, a major rule aimed at combating climate change.

Immediately after saying this, Pruitt ate a live rat on TV then ripped off his skin, revealing himself as a lizard person.

Pruit then ate a reporter and declared, “*sssssk* WE WANTS IT HOT! HOT IS BETTER FOR US *sssssk!*”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Democrats sweep in Virginia, New Jersey
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/07/politics/2017-us-election-highlights/index.html

Dick Gordon, NASA Astronaut and Apollo 12 Pilot, Dead at 88
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/dick-gordon-nasa-astronaut-apollo-12-pilot-dead-88-ncna818606

Exclusive: EPA’s Pruitt vows to continue rolling back rules despite alarming climate report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/08/pruitt-says-alarming-climate-report-not-deter-replacement-clean-power-plan/839857001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.29

Hurricane-force winds and heavy rain are battering the Northeast on Sunday on the five-year anniversary of Superstorm Sandy.

Wood is considered the traditional gift for five year anniversaries, so if a tree branch slams into your house, that’s just nature saying, “I Love You!”

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Speaking of wood, Donald Трамп’s job approval rating has declined to 58% disapproval of his performance. 38% of people approve of his performance, while 4% are unsure about it.

In a related poll, 4% of Americans can’t tell the difference between their right and left shoes.

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Former Трамп campaign adviser Roger Stone was permanently suspended from Twitter Saturday after attacking CNN and some of the network’s on-air personalities.

Twitter said they would consider banning Donald Трамп if he uses the f-word while threatening nuclear war.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Fierce winds and heavy rain expected to hit New York on Sandy anniversary
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/29/us/new-york-northeast-storm/index.html

Trump’s Approval Rating Drops to Lowest Level Yet in New NBC News/WSJ Poll
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-s-approval-rating-drops-lowest-level-yet-new-nbc-n815321

Roger Stone suspended from Twitter
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/28/roger-stone-twitter-suspended/810593001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.18

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) argued Wednesday that the Трамп regime is not being honest about the attack in Niger that left four US soldiers dead and two wounded.

Several critics noted that the Трамп regime is not being honest about a lot of things.
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Four weeks since Hurricane Maria ravaged Puerto Rico, the island territory is still suffering from short supplies of food and water.

Puerto Rico does have a surplus of one thing: Posters of Donald Трамп that say, “Pendejo,” because Donald Трамп is a terrible person.
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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

McCain: Administration not being up front about Niger attack
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/18/politics/john-mccain-niger-attack-response/index.html

Puerto Ricans Still Struggling Four Weeks After Hurricane Maria Hit
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/puerto-ricans-still-struggling-month-after-hurricane-maria-hit-n811976
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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.14

Donald Трамп said he spoke to the “president of the Virgin Islands” in a speech Friday.

“I will tell you I left Texas and I left Florida and I left Louisiana and I went to Puerto Rico and I met with the president of the Virgin Islands,” Трамп said while talking about the recovery efforts in those areas following Hurricanes Irma and Maria. The U.S. Virgin Islands are a U.S. territory, which means the President of the Virgin Islands is Donald Трамп.

When asked about this discrepancy, Donald Трамп insisted he spoke with the President of the Virgin Islands. “I was in the bathroom, at the sink washing my hands, I saw this guy in front of me, facing me, also washing his hands, so I say to him, hey, you look like the President of the Virgin Islands. And he said the same thing to me. He just kept repeating everything I said! This guy in the bathroom, he was clearly crazy, but he insisted he was President of the Virgin Islands!”

Donald Трамп then walked away from the microphone to go look for ice-cream.

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At least 36 people have died so far from the wall of flames and thick plumes of smoke tearing through Northern California. Many victims have been reduced to ash, and can only be identified by serial numbers on hip implants left behind.

Donald Трамп’s staff say he’s planning to meet with the President of California as soon as possible to discuss the crisis, but that the President of California needs to make the first move.
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Donald Трамп’s regime announced late Thursday night that it would immediately stop supporting the cost-sharing subsidies that reimburse insurers for reducing the deductibles and co-pays of lower-income Obamacare enrollees.

When asked why, a spokesperson for the Трамп regime said, “With all of the natural disasters killing Americans, and those people getting killed by that gunman, we felt it was important the White House also got as many Americans killed as possible,” before passing out in a drunken stupor.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump says he met with the ‘president of the Virgin Islands’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/13/trump-says-he-met-president-virgin-islands/763910001/

Northern California Wine Country Wildfires: Death Toll Rises to 35
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/western-wildfires/death-toll-rises-34-northern-california-wildfires-n810631

California fires: Deputies drive through flames to rescue residents
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/14/us/california-fires-updates/index.html

Trump kills key Obamacare subsidies: What it means
http://money.cnn.com/2017/10/13/news/economy/trump-obamacare-subsidies/index.html
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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.12

Nearly three weeks after Hurricane Maria pummeled Puerto Rico, the vast majority of the island remains without power and the death toll from the storm has risen to 45, authorities said.

The Трамп regime expressed frustration about the situation. “He gave them paper towels and told them to have fun, what more do people want?” said one drunken staffer.

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Democratic lawmakers, First Amendment advocates and broadcast communications experts mobilized against Donald Трамп on Wednesday after he suggested that NBC News’ broadcast license could be revoked following a report that Трамп wanted to increase the U.S. nuclear arsenal by 10 times.

This prompted members of the National Security Council to call Donald Трамп a, “moron.”

In related news, a recent study has revealed that people who voted for Donald Трамп and helped him get elected are also morons.

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Harvey Weinstein says he’s in counseling after his wife left him. The producer lost his job after years of sexual assaults that were covered up finally were taken seriously.

In a statement, Weinstein said, “I understand, I love her and I love our children and hopefully, when I am better, I will be in their lives again. I support her decision.”

In related news, odds-makers in Las Vegas say the chances that people will forget that Weinstein sexually assaulted women for years and goes back to the movie industry within five years is, “about 1 to 1.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Puerto Rico’s hurricane death toll rises to 45
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/11/us/puerto-rico-maria-crisis/index.html

First Amendment Advocates Push Back on Trump’s Licensing Threat
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/first-amendment-advocates-push-back-trump-s-licensing-threat-n809941

Harvey Weinstein says he’s in counseling: ‘I understand’ my wife’s decision to leave
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2017/10/11/harvey-weinstein-i-understand-wifes-decision-leave-says-hes-counseling-my-wife-left-and-am-counselin/755003001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.07

Hurricane Nate was expected to be a Category 2 storm when it makes landfall overnight southeast of New Orleans.

Donald Трамп is expected to comment on the hurricane if it gets to Category 4 or 5 as a way to boost his flagging TV ratings.

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Investigators trying to piece together why a gunman opened fire on a crowd of thousands of concert-goers in Las Vegas this week said they have chased down more than a thousand leads, but the motive in the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history remained a mystery.

An anonymous source suggested that power fantasies related to white supremacy, in the struggle of a male psyche to comprehend that while he’s part of the dominant ethnic group, in a culture that values dominance, nonetheless fails to dominate the world in a way that matches what the culture values, due to rootless effects of patriarchy as a motive for the attack just caused investigators to blink, shrug, and move on.

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In other news, Harvey Weinstein is a gross, misogynistic troll who sexually assaults women.

He’s expected to be named to the Трамп White House in November as head of women’s rights initiatives.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Hurricane Nate due be a Category 2 storm at Gulf Coast landfall
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/07/us/hurricane-nate-forecast/index.html

Answer to Question in Las Vegas Massacre, ‘Why?’, Elusive So Far
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/las-vegas-shooting/answer-question-las-vegas-massacre-why-elusive-so-far-n808601

Harvey Weinstein officially begins leave of absence; board vows ‘thorough’ investigation
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2017/10/06/harvey-weinstein-officially-begins-leave-absence-board-vows-thorough-investigation/741646001/

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