YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.14

Donald Трамп said he spoke to the “president of the Virgin Islands” in a speech Friday.

“I will tell you I left Texas and I left Florida and I left Louisiana and I went to Puerto Rico and I met with the president of the Virgin Islands,” Трамп said while talking about the recovery efforts in those areas following Hurricanes Irma and Maria. The U.S. Virgin Islands are a U.S. territory, which means the President of the Virgin Islands is Donald Трамп.

When asked about this discrepancy, Donald Трамп insisted he spoke with the President of the Virgin Islands. “I was in the bathroom, at the sink washing my hands, I saw this guy in front of me, facing me, also washing his hands, so I say to him, hey, you look like the President of the Virgin Islands. And he said the same thing to me. He just kept repeating everything I said! This guy in the bathroom, he was clearly crazy, but he insisted he was President of the Virgin Islands!”

Donald Трамп then walked away from the microphone to go look for ice-cream.

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At least 36 people have died so far from the wall of flames and thick plumes of smoke tearing through Northern California. Many victims have been reduced to ash, and can only be identified by serial numbers on hip implants left behind.

Donald Трамп’s staff say he’s planning to meet with the President of California as soon as possible to discuss the crisis, but that the President of California needs to make the first move.
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Donald Трамп’s regime announced late Thursday night that it would immediately stop supporting the cost-sharing subsidies that reimburse insurers for reducing the deductibles and co-pays of lower-income Obamacare enrollees.

When asked why, a spokesperson for the Трамп regime said, “With all of the natural disasters killing Americans, and those people getting killed by that gunman, we felt it was important the White House also got as many Americans killed as possible,” before passing out in a drunken stupor.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump says he met with the ‘president of the Virgin Islands’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/10/13/trump-says-he-met-president-virgin-islands/763910001/

Northern California Wine Country Wildfires: Death Toll Rises to 35
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/western-wildfires/death-toll-rises-34-northern-california-wildfires-n810631

California fires: Deputies drive through flames to rescue residents
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/14/us/california-fires-updates/index.html

Trump kills key Obamacare subsidies: What it means
http://money.cnn.com/2017/10/13/news/economy/trump-obamacare-subsidies/index.html
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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.12

Nearly three weeks after Hurricane Maria pummeled Puerto Rico, the vast majority of the island remains without power and the death toll from the storm has risen to 45, authorities said.

The Трамп regime expressed frustration about the situation. “He gave them paper towels and told them to have fun, what more do people want?” said one drunken staffer.

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Democratic lawmakers, First Amendment advocates and broadcast communications experts mobilized against Donald Трамп on Wednesday after he suggested that NBC News’ broadcast license could be revoked following a report that Трамп wanted to increase the U.S. nuclear arsenal by 10 times.

This prompted members of the National Security Council to call Donald Трамп a, “moron.”

In related news, a recent study has revealed that people who voted for Donald Трамп and helped him get elected are also morons.

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Harvey Weinstein says he’s in counseling after his wife left him. The producer lost his job after years of sexual assaults that were covered up finally were taken seriously.

In a statement, Weinstein said, “I understand, I love her and I love our children and hopefully, when I am better, I will be in their lives again. I support her decision.”

In related news, odds-makers in Las Vegas say the chances that people will forget that Weinstein sexually assaulted women for years and goes back to the movie industry within five years is, “about 1 to 1.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Puerto Rico’s hurricane death toll rises to 45
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/11/us/puerto-rico-maria-crisis/index.html

First Amendment Advocates Push Back on Trump’s Licensing Threat
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/first-amendment-advocates-push-back-trump-s-licensing-threat-n809941

Harvey Weinstein says he’s in counseling: ‘I understand’ my wife’s decision to leave
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2017/10/11/harvey-weinstein-i-understand-wifes-decision-leave-says-hes-counseling-my-wife-left-and-am-counselin/755003001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.07

Hurricane Nate was expected to be a Category 2 storm when it makes landfall overnight southeast of New Orleans.

Donald Трамп is expected to comment on the hurricane if it gets to Category 4 or 5 as a way to boost his flagging TV ratings.

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Investigators trying to piece together why a gunman opened fire on a crowd of thousands of concert-goers in Las Vegas this week said they have chased down more than a thousand leads, but the motive in the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history remained a mystery.

An anonymous source suggested that power fantasies related to white supremacy, in the struggle of a male psyche to comprehend that while he’s part of the dominant ethnic group, in a culture that values dominance, nonetheless fails to dominate the world in a way that matches what the culture values, due to rootless effects of patriarchy as a motive for the attack just caused investigators to blink, shrug, and move on.

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In other news, Harvey Weinstein is a gross, misogynistic troll who sexually assaults women.

He’s expected to be named to the Трамп White House in November as head of women’s rights initiatives.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Hurricane Nate due be a Category 2 storm at Gulf Coast landfall
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/07/us/hurricane-nate-forecast/index.html

Answer to Question in Las Vegas Massacre, ‘Why?’, Elusive So Far
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/las-vegas-shooting/answer-question-las-vegas-massacre-why-elusive-so-far-n808601

Harvey Weinstein officially begins leave of absence; board vows ‘thorough’ investigation
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2017/10/06/harvey-weinstein-officially-begins-leave-absence-board-vows-thorough-investigation/741646001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.03

The murderer who killed 59 people and injured 527 others in Las Vegas from his 32nd-floor hotel suite at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino had 23 weapons in the room including a handgun, and multiple rifles with scopes on them.

When asked how someone was able to get 23 weapons into a hotel room, a spokesperson for Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino said, “Well, he was a white guy, so …” before being whisked out of the room.
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The people of Puerto Rico are exasperated with Donald Трамп, and expressed anger over how late his arrival has been.

“He’s pretty late,” Bethsaida Colón said Monday as she waited in a wheelchair in line at the airport, bound for New York. “His general came here eight days late.”

A spokesperson for the Трамп regime said, “Important people always come to the party late. New York rule, it’s a common New York rule, people in New York are always late for parties, so, if you want to blame Donald Трамп being late, let’s put the blame where it belongs, it’s New York’s fault that Donald Трамп is late, thank you.”

The spokesperson then burst into flames.

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Tom Petty died Monday evening from a heart attack. He was 66 years old.

Officials in the Трамп regime are hopeful that Petty’s death will dominate headlines for a few days until, “this whole gun control AND Puerto Rico thing blows over.”

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Las Vegas investigation finds more weapons, but shooter’s motive unknown
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/03/us/las-vegas-shooting-investigation/index.html

Puerto Ricans Hope President Trump Gets an Eyeful of Devastation During Visit
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/puerto-ricans-hope-trump-gets-eyeful-devastation-during-visit-n807021

Remembering Tom Petty, American icon and eternal rock ‘n’ roll underdog
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2017/10/03/remembering-tom-petty-death-american-icon-and-eternal-rock-n-roll-underdog/724818001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.01

Following Donald Трамп’s Saturday morning Twitter attacks on San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, “Hamilton” creator Lin-Manuel Miranda told Трамп, “You’re going straight to hell, @realDonaldTrump. No long lines for you. Someone will say, ‘Right this way, sir.’ They’ll clear a path.”

The White House denied Miranda’s assertion, and insist Трамп will go to Mar-A-Lago first for meatloaf before any other trips.

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Officials with FEMA told news agencies Saturday that progress is being made in Puerto Rico to restore water, gasoline and communications to the hurricane-battered island.

Local residents in Puerto Rico sighed when they heard the news and said, “Well, FEMA says a lot of things …”

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O.J. Simpson was freed from prison Sunday after serving nine years for a botched hotel-room heist in Las Vegas.

Simpson is reportedly in line to be the new Health and Human Services Secretary for the Трамп regime. “Ben Carson needs a buddy!” Трамп reportedly said from the bathroom stall of his favorite toilet in the West Wing of the White House.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Lin-Manuel Miranda to Trump: ‘You’re going straight to hell’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/30/politics/lin-manuel-miranda-donald-trump-puerto-rico-tweets/index.html

FEMA Says Puerto Rico Recovery Making Progress, but Long Waits for Supplies Continue
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/fema-says-puerto-rico-recovery-making-progress-long-waits-supplies-n806266

Prison official: O.J. Simpson freed on parole
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/2017/09/30/oj-simpson-prison-release-nevada/720765001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.27

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп threatened war with North Korea this morning, threatening to use “devastating” military action over the movement of a small number of North Korean fighter jets, external fuel tanks and air-to-air missiles to a base on the hermit kingdom’s eastern coast.

CNN described the warning as “familiar” this morning, treating the news as casual and ordinary.

CNN is later planning to publish a story today, “Is the News Media normalizing Donald Трамп’s behavior? We don’t think so, but what do you think? Click here to subscribe.”

————

Carmen Yulin Cruz, mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital city San Juan, asked for urgent help as she expressed frustration with the speed at which rescuers were being set to work on the hurricane-ravaged U.S. territory.

“This is a big S.O.S for anybody out there,” Carmen Yulin Cruz told MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow on Tuesday night, “a plea for this help, which is right here, to get moving.”

Aides to the Трамп regime said that Donald Трамп reportedly has, “help Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands,” on his to-do list, but has a few more pressing concerns to deal with, first.

Among these ahead of helping victims in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are …

 

  • Complain about the NFL
  • Delete Tweets that make him look stupid
  • Threaten North Korea
  • New Strategy to Take Away Health Care from Poor People
  • Dump Ivanka and Jared from Will
  • Ask Donald Трамп Jr. how his meeting with Russian buddies went while Secret Service protection was turned off
  • Get Ice Cream
  • Anonymously Send Steve Bannon can of moldy spam with note that says, “You!”
  • Ask Jeff Sessions about ‘what’s going on with you and the blacks?’
  • Ask Ben Carson about Football.
  • Get Barron a haircut, use cuttings to weave into my own hair
  • Get Facial?
  • Get “Other kind of” Facial?
  • Golfing!
  • Eat meatloaf.
  • Get Ice cream again.

 

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The Трамп regime denied a request Tuesday to suspend shipping restrictions that would allow more fuel and emergency supplies to reach Puerto Rico.

When asked why they’re doing that, a White House spokesperson said, “Because we’re jerks. I mean, why are you guys asking this kind of thing, now? It’s always the same answer. We’re jerks.”

————

PBS has a good article about relief you can get to Puerto Rico, please read it, and find an organization you can help!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump warns of ‘devastating’ military option as North Korea moves jets
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/politics/trump-north-korea-moves-fighters-missiles-fuel-tanks/index.html

Mayor Issues ‘S.O.S.’ as Puerto Ricans Scramble to Help Most Vulnerable
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/puerto-ricans-scramble-help-most-vulnerable-residents-supplies-dwindle-n805006

Why Puerto Rico is being denied shipping deliveries of fuel
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/27/trump-administration-denies-request-ease-shipping-fuel-deliveries-puerto-rico/707448001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.20

With the world facing a historically awful hurricane season due to global warming, and the possibility of nuclear war with North Korea looming, the Republican Senate and Donald Трамп are naturally focused on a new health care bill, the Graham-Cassidy act, that would both lower taxes for rich people and repeal the Affordable Care Act, taking away insurance for 22 million people.

Aides for the White House say the next item for the Трамп regime to focus on is a bill authorizing U.S. military forces to kick puppies whenever Трамп feels that, “puppies got it too good.”

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During his monologue last night, Jimmy Kimmel railed against a new Republican plan to repeal Obamacare, and said Senator Bill Cassidy of Louisiana lied to his face when he said he would only support a health care bill that guaranteed coverage for all families.

Kimmel told his audience, “He said he wants coverage for all, no discrimination based on preexisting conditions, lower premiums for middle-class families and no lifetime caps. Guess what? The new bill does none of those things.”

A spokesperson for Senator Cassidy said that he has his own unusual Louisiana dialect, and there was just a simple miscommunication. “See, the Senator, when he says coverage for all, what he means is, lower taxes for rich people. That’s what he always means. It’s not lying if that that’s what you always means,” said the Senator’s office in a press release.

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In his first speech to the U.N. General Assembly, Donald Трамп repeatedly lied to the people there about everything from job growth to defense spending.

As one diplomat speaking on condition of anonymity put it, “We would have been surprised if he had said something honest. But in a way, lying to us like that was a kind of honesty, because he was at least true to his nature. And being true to your nature is the honesty that counts.”

After making that statement, the lights accidentally flipped on, and the diplomat was revealed to be Трамп regime diplomat Nikki Haley.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

McCain bucked his party once. Will he do it again?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/20/politics/john-mccain-graham-cassidy-bill/index.html

Senator ‘Lied’ Over Health Care Bill, Jimmy Kimmel Says
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/jimmy-kimmel-senator-lied-right-my-face-over-health-care-n802896

Fact check: Trump makes misleading boasts on economy and foreign issues in U.N. speech
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/19/fact-check-trump-makes-misleading-boasts-economy-and-foreign-issues-u-n-speech/683568001/

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.19

Category 5 Hurricane Maria hit Dominica with “widespread devastation,” according to the prime minister of the Caribbean island nation. Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands are next in its path.

After being informed of the news, Donald Трамп told aides, “We already did a Category 5 Hurricane. We’ve done hurricanes, I got to hand people groceries. It was fun! There’s better way to get ratings than repeating yourself.”

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On Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, a fan asked Martha Stewart if pumpkin spice was “delicious or for basic bitches only?”

Without hesitation, Stewart said, “The latter.”

According to the White House, First Lady Melania Трамп reportedly loves pumpkin spice lattes, so …

————

USA Today reported that Donald Трамп Jr. is giving up his Secret Service protection. The person, speaking under condition of anonymity, was not authorized to comment publicly. Трамп Jr. is declining the protection so he can have more “privacy.”

Трамп Jr. spoke to reporters and said, “They’re always following me. They keep watching what I do. I try to have those phone calls with the Russians, and they, like, watch. It’s creepy. I mean, if I want to sell information to other governments, I should–,” before being whisked out of the room by Jared “The Kush” Kushner.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Hurricane Maria back at Category 5 as it barrels toward Puerto Rico
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/19/americas/hurricane-maria-caribbean-islands/index.html

Martha Stewart revealed her true feelings about pumpkin spice
https://www.today.com/food/martha-stewart-pumpkin-spice-basic-bitches-only-t116426

Donald Trump Jr. gives up Secret Service protection
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/18/donald-trump-jr-gives-up-secret-service-protection/679657001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.18

The family of former Трамп regime national security adviser Michael Flynn has set up a legal defense fund to pay costs associated with the Mueller probe into Russian election meddling.

“The various investigations arising out of the 2016 presidential election have placed a tremendous financial burden on our brother Mike and his family. The enormous expense of attorneys’ fees and other related expenses far exceed their ability to pay,” Flynn’s siblings, Joe Flynn and Barbara Redgate, said in a statement.

The statement ends by saying, “It’s really expensive to translate all of those contracts and checks that Mike signed from Russian into English, and neither me nor Barb reads a lick of Russian, but Mike assures he didn’t do anything wrong. Won’t you help us?”

————

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is recommending that six of 27 national monuments under review by the Трамп regime be reduced in size.

White House aides believe that reducing the size of the monuments will make Трамп’s hands appear bigger when he looks at them on maps.

————

Everglades City, a low-income fishing community walloped by Hurricane Irma last weekend, faces a deadly public health crisis as families must live in moldy raw sewage and water after a 10 foot storm surge flooded the area with toxic stormwater.

After being briefed on the news, Donald Трамп told reporters, “Y’know, when Obama faced Hurricane Irma, he didn’t go down there. He didn’t go down there. But when I faced Hurricane Irma? I went down there. And I’ll go down there again. Y’know he didn’t clean up the raw sewage. He didn’t do it folks. You should be asking Obama why he didn’t clean up the raw sewage from Hurricane Irma when he had the chance. Fake news, you’re all fake news!”

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Flynn’s family sets up legal defense fund
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/18/politics/michael-flynn-legal-defense-fund-white-house-russia-probe/index.html

Interior Secretary Recommends Shrinking Six National Monuments
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/interior-secretary-recommends-shrinking-six-national-monuments-n802236

‘He was crying and moaning in agony’: Public health crisis looms after Irma
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/09/17/he-crying-and-moaning-agony-public-health-crisis-looms-after-irma/675822001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.17

US ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley told CNN’s Dana Bash that Donald Трамп’s “fire and fury” comment to North Korea about its nuclear program was not an empty threat.

When asked for an example of an actual empty threat, Haley said, “Republicans voting to Impeach Трамп.”

————

Months after Donald Трамп threatened to withdraw the U.S. from the Paris climate accord, states and cities across the country have introduced their own legislation, amendments and resolutions aimed at curbing carbon emissions that are in line with key tenets of the Paris climate pact.

“We’re really seeing a groundswell of activity,” Sierra Club Executive Director Michael Brune told NBC News.

Activist Susan Sarandon then started a speech saying, “See, I was right! Look at how many people have woken up now that–” before someone dumped a pile of turkey manure on her.

————

Donald Трамп is spending tax-payer money to spend time at another one of his resorts this weekend. He’s also using the time to mock both Kim Jong Un and Hillary Clinton on twitter, describing the North Korean leader as “rocket man” and retweeting a gag video in which Clinton is struck in the back by a Трамп golf shot.

Aides say Трамп is later planning on asking Secret Service agents to run around the grounds of his Bedminster, New Jersey club while ‘Yakety Sax’ blares over the loudspeakers.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Nikki Haley: Trump’s fire and fury comment ‘not an empty threat’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/17/politics/nikki-haley-north-korea-un-cnntv/index.html

Forget Trump. The U.S. Storms Ahead on Climate Change Like Never Before
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/forget-trump-u-s-storms-ahead-climate-change-never-n801826

Trump mocks Kim Jong Un and Hillary Clinton in Sunday tweetstorm
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/17/president-trump-mocks-kim-jong-un-and-hillary-clinton-sunday-tweetstorm/674781001/

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