YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.12

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said the US is ready to talk with North Korea without preconditions.

However, Donald Трамп said the US is ready to, “LAUNCH THE NUKES RIGHT NOW DIE LITTLE CHUBBY MAN DIE!”

White House staff are mostly certain that Трамп was talking about Kim Jong Un and not himself.

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Absentee votes cast by Melania and Ivanka Трамп were invalidated by city officials due to strange errors on their ballots, according to the New York City Board of Elections.

Sources say that Melania’s ballot was invalidated because she wrote on the top, “I vote for my big daddy in all things including being mister sexy man alive people magazine!”

Ivanka’s was invalidated for the same reason.

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Donald Трамп signed a $700 billion defense policy bill Tuesday, then complained that the bill targets Russia too much.

The bill …

  • Restricts Military cooperation with Russia
  • Prohibits the US from recognizing Russia’s claim that it owns the Crimea
  • Requires the US military to develop and implement a strategy to counter threats by Russia

Трамп later calmed down when aides let him know that it’s still legal for him to go to Russia and hire prostitutes to pee on a bed.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Tillerson says US won’t set preconditions for North Korea talks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/12/politics/tillerson-north-korea-no-preconditions-talks/index.html

Melania and Ivanka Trumps’ botched NYC mayor votes thrown out
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-family-members-botched-nyc-mayor-votes-thrown-out-n828861

Imperfecto: Trump objects to Russia provisions as he signs $700 billion defense bill
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/12/12/trump-signing-statement-russia-provisions-defense-bill/943209001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.11

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer is writing a book about what he says happened during the 2016 election, transition and his time serving Donald Трамп.

Aides say that Spicer is planning to write two versions, one for general audiences with the working title “My Time in Washington,” and another for Трамп called, “Spicey Made a Fart!”

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A federal judge on Monday rejected Donald Трамп’s request to delay enlistment of transgender people in the military. The Pentagon said enlistments would begin on January 1st, 2018.

Also starting on January 1st, 2018, the attachment of Donald Трамп’s next toupee!

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A man detonated a low-tech, improvised explosive device in a crowded pedestrian tunnel at the Port Authority near Times Square today. He said he timed the assault to hurt the greatest number of people he possibly could. He managed to hurt himself and cause no other injuries with his homemade bomb.

Somebody should’ve told him that if he wanted to hurt people at the Port Authority, the best way is to force them to use the bathrooms!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Sean Spicer announces he’s writing a book
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/11/politics/sean-spicer-book-trump-election/index.html

Judge rejects Trump’s request to further delay transgender military enlistment
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/judge-rejects-trump-s-request-further-delay-transgender-military-enlistment-n828486

Suspect in Times Square blast timed assault for maximum impact
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/12/11/nypd-explosion-port-authority-bus-terminal-manhattan-times-square/939724001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.10

Chief judge on the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Alex Kozinsk is accused of sexual harrasment by multiple staffers who worked with him, The Washington Post reported Friday.

Reports from Washington D.C. say that because of these serious charges, Donald Трамп wants to appoint him to the Supreme Court.

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A recent discovery reported in Nature has redefined how scientists look for signs of life. Researchers discovered a new species of bacteria that can live only by breathing fumes of hydrogen, carbon monoxide, and carbon dioxide.

In a related discovery, other researchers reported that many people from Alabama can live only by breathing only cigarette smoke and religious propaganda.

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Speaking of Alabama, the race for the Senate seat there between Democrat Doug Jones and literal Republican pedophile Roy Moore is almost done. But Roy Moore has apparently disappeared from the campaign trail and been unavailable for press appearances or rallies.

When a reporter asked where Moore was, a spokesperson for the campaign said, “I don’t know, have you checked the girl’s bathrooms at any local junior highschools?” before being whisked out of the room.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Renowned appeals court judge facing claims of inappropriate sexual conduct
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/09/politics/alex-kozinksi-accusations/index.html

New discovery could change the way we look for alien life
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/new-discovery-could-change-way-we-look-alien-life-ncna827921

Where’s Roy? Days before Alabama election, Moore disappears from campaign trail
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/12/09/wheres-roy-days-before-alabama-election-moore-disappears-campaign-trail/938022001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.19

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe gave a rambling televised speech to his country Sunday after receiving an ultimatum from his own party that said it would move to impeach him if he did not resign.

In related news, US President Donald Трамп literally gives a rambling televised speech every day in the United States, but there’s no sign that Republicans will move to impeach him.

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Award-winning playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda and thousands of supporters streamed from the U.S. Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial Sunday shouting “Puerto Rico Se Levanta” (Puerto Rico Is Rising) to protest how Congress and the Trump administration have handled the island’s nearly two-month-old hurricane recovery.

Reports on the scene say that the waitlist for getting into the protest was at least a year long, but that people had a good chance to get into the protest if they stood in will-call.

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The Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee voted 13-10 last week to approve a bill that would allow oil companies to drill in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The full bill can now go the Republican Senate for a vote.

Political reporters at the Senate say that they include a provision that requires oil companies to randomly beat at least 2 baby harbor seals to death per day in order to increase the likelihood that the bill will be approved by Donald Трамп.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Zimbabwe’s Mugabe vows to stay in power despite pressure to resign
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/19/africa/zimbabwe-mugabe-party-meeting/index.html

‘You are not forgotten’: Lin-Manuel Miranda, thousands march for Puerto Rico recovery help
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/you-are-not-forgotten-lin-manuel-miranda-thousands-march-puerto-n821616

Congress moves to ‘drill, baby, drill’ in Alaska’s ANWR. Here’s what you should know
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/19/congress-moves-drill-baby-drill-alaska-anwr-refuge-heres-what-you-should-know/874187001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.17

Human cow-pie factory Donald Трамп recently claimed that that President Barrack Obama’s plane “came close but it didn’t land” in the Philippines last year because of “horrible” relations between the countries.

In reality, Obama was scheduled to land in Laos, but cancelled the trip after Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, whose anti-drug crusade has led to the extrajudicial killings of thousands of people since taking office, called him a “son of a bitch.”

In Трамп’s defense, he honestly believes that Laos and the Philippines are the same country. I mean, look at his hair, he honestly believes that people think it’s real!

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The Trump Ocean Club International Hotel and Tower, situated in Panama City, shaped like a sail and designed to be one of the tallest buildings in Latin America was built with funds from internationally based organized crime families.

Also built with funds from international organized crime, Трамп’s Presidency!

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Italian doctor Sergio Canavero announced Friday that he will perform the world’s first human head transplant in China because medical communities in the United States and Europe would not permit the controversial procedure.

Several U.S. citizens were in favor of the procedure, but only if the first patient to get a head transplant was Donald Трамп.

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If Donald Трамп gets a head a transplant, he should replace his brain with his butt.

He’d gain at least 50 IQ points!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Fact Check: Trump’s bizarre plane story
http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/11/16/fact-check-donald-trump-barack-obama-philippines-orig-cs.cnn

A Panama tower carries Trump’s name and ties to organized crime
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/investigations/panama-tower-carries-trump-s-name-ties-organized-crime-n821706

Italian doctor says world’s first human head transplant ‘imminent’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/17/italian-doctor-says-worlds-first-human-head-transplant-imminent/847288001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.10

Jerry Moore, brother of Alabama GOP Senate candidate and child molestor Roy Moore, said his brother is being persecuted just like Jesus Christ.

Breaking News: Jerry Moore called Jesus a Pedophile!

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Former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn was offered $15 million by Turkish officials to kidnap a Turkish political dissident hiding in the United States. The meeting happened a few weeks before Donald Трамп’s inauguration a few blocks from Donald Трамп Tower.

When asked about this, a spokesperson for the White House said, “Hey, for $15 million, I’d tell everyone state secrets like how Трамп’s hairpiece works.”

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Due to an issue with his immigration status, former world heavyweight champion boxer Mike Tyson was sent home from Chile.

After arriving home and disembarking from the plane, Mike Tyson was also denied entry to the airport Chilis.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Moore’s brother denies charges, compares persecution to Jesus
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/10/politics/jerry-moore-martin-savidge-interview-roy-moore-sexual-misconduct/index.html

Mueller Probing Possible Deal Between Turks, Flynn During Presidential Transition
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mueller-probing-possible-deal-between-turks-flynn-during-presidential-transition-n819616

Mike Tyson denied entry to Chile, sent home
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/boxing/2017/11/10/mike-tyson-denied-entry-chile-sent-home/851684001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.04

Donald Трамп’s approval rating has fallen to 33%, a historic low.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the Трамп White House is always excited to make history.

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The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration released a 477-page report concluding that global warming is man-made.

Трамп regime spokesperson Kellyanne Conway dismissed the report, saying, “Calling it man-made is completely sexist.”

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53-year-old Donna Byrd of Florida was charged with a DUI after she rode her horse drunk down a highway. The horse’s name was Bo Duke.

After she’s released from jail, reports say she’ll be nominated for Secretary of Agriculture.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Donald Trump is in a very bad polling place
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/03/politics/trump-polling/index.html

U.S. Report Contradicts Trump Team, Says Global Warming Mostly Man-Made
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u-s-report-contradicts-trump-team-says-global-warming-mostly-n817486

Florida woman on horseback charged with DUI
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/11/03/florida-woman-horseback-charged-dui/831713001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.03

Donald Трамп’s twitter account was offline for 11 minutes yesterday, after a Twitter employee turned it off.

White House aides say that the only thing that might upset him more than losing his Twitter privileges is being indicted by Bob Mueller.

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In an interview with For News, Donald Трамп said, “You look at some of the cases that are going on forever, and you have them dead to rights. The justice system has to go quicker.”

Most Americans agree with Donald Трамп, and believe that it’s important things go quicker for Bob Mueller. Let’s get those Трамп indictments out Bob!

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A new species of frizzy-haired orangutans were discovered in Indonesia. With a population of only 800, the newly named Tapanuli orangutan is now the world’s most endangered great ape.

Scientists believe these secret apes are the source for the hair-weave Donald Трамп wears.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Twitter: Employee briefly shut down Trump’s account on last day of work
http://money.cnn.com/2017/11/02/technology/donald-trump-twitter/index.html

President Donald Trump Slams U.S. Courts as Too Slow and Weak
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/president-donald-trump-slams-u-s-courts-too-slow-weak-n817151

Great apes: New orangutan species found in Indonesian forest
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/03/great-apes-new-orangutan-species-found-indonesian-forest/828381001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.01

Sayfullo Habibullaevic Saipov killed eight people in a truck attack in New York on Halloween. Saipov is a native of Uzbekistan who moved to Florida in 2010, sources told CNN.

In response to this tragedy, the Трамп regime plans to tweet a plan to ban more people from visiting the country from Chad.

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House Republicans announced Tuesday that the new tax bill they were releasing on Wednesday will be delayed until Thursday.

By Monday, House Republicans will say they always planned to release the bill on the following Friday, but not until Sunday.

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Starbucks new 2017 Holiday Cup comes with a simple message: “Give Good.” The theme this year for the cups is to give people space where they can draw their own illustrations and add their own color.

Starbucks says they will also continue their theme of cups including customer names spelled wrong.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Who is New York attack suspect Sayfullo Saipov?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/01/us/sayfullo-saipov-new-york-attack/index.html

Not on Same Page, House GOP Stalls Release of Tax Bill
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-gop-will-delay-releasing-tax-bill-sources-say-n816251

‘Give Good’: Starbucks holiday cup comes with color-it-in-yourself message
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/11/01/give-good-starbucks-holiday-cup-comes-color-it-in-yourself-message/818620001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.27

Donald Трамп personally pressed for an FBI informant’s gag order to be lifted according to White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, despite the request being unethical.

Other things that are unethical that Trump does anyway includes going up to beauty pageant winners and pressing on them with his lips.

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Recently declassified memos related to the JFK assassination include a note from J. Edgar Hoover written after Jack Ruby killed Lee Harvey Oswald. In the note, Hoover says, “There is nothing further on the Oswald case except that he is dead.”

Still Classified: the memo where J. Edgar Hoover asks his staff, “How do I look in these pumps?”

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Jeff Bezos is now the richest man in the world after a recent stock market rally. He’s worth $90 billion, according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index.

It still costs you $5 to ship a box of pens from Amazon, though.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Conway confirms Trump wanted FBI informant’s gag order lifted
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/27/politics/kellyanne-conway-donald-trump-cnntv/index.html

JFK Files: J. Edgar Hoover Said Public Must Believe Lee Harvey Oswald Acted Alone
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/jfk-assassination-files/jfk-files-j-edgar-hoover-said-public-must-believe-lee-n814881

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is now the richest man in the world with $90 billion
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/news/2017/10/27/amazons-jeff-bezos-google-founders-8-6-b-richer-after-stock-surge/806099001/

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