YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.13

Robert Mueller indicted 12 Russian hackers for breaking into email servers belonging to the Democratic National Committee in 2016. The indictment references an unnamed individual who helped coordinate the release of the information; pundits believe this person is Roger Stone.

Stone is concerned that the release of the news will increase the number of talk show appearances he’s scheduled to be booked on in the next few weeks. “I’m tired!” he said while sitting in a makeup chair at CNN.

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A total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month. The blood moon will be the longest total eclipse of this century.

White House aides say the blood moon is crucial to helping former Трамп advisor Steve Bannon find a new host body to inhabit.

“We can only do the demon ritual during a blood moon!” said a literal monster dripping with slime to members of NBC News.

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At least half of Twitter users spent time on Friday counting the ways that Donald Трамп insulted Queen Elizabeth during his recent state visit.

The other half of Twitter users were purged for being bots.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Roger Stone’s messages suggest he is unnamed person in new Russia indictment
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/13/politics/roger-stone-russia-investigation-wikileaks/index.html

Total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/total-lunar-eclipse-will-turn-moon-blood-red-later-month-ncna891191

Twitter counts ways President Trump ‘insulted’ Queen Elizabeth
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/07/13/twitter-counts-ways-president-trump-insulted-queen/784042002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.05

Special counsel Robert Mueller’s team argued Thursday that Трамп campaign chairman Paul Manafort’s doesn’t need to be released from jail before his trial, despite pleas from his lawyer.

When the judge asked why Manafort needs to be released from jail, his lawyer said, “Because he really wants to get to Russia,” before he was shot by a dart gun and fell to the floor unconscious.

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Scott Pruitt’s replacement for head of the EPA is Andrew Wheeler, a former coal industry lobbyist.

Sources say in related staffing news, the new head of the Coast Guard will be a tiger shark.
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Speaking of awful people working for Donald Трамп, former Fox News executive Bill Shine has been hired as a senior White House communications aide. Bill Shine was ousted from Fox News for ignoring decades of sexual harassment claims from women.

Трамп is hoping Shine can do the same for the White House.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Mueller team argues Manafort should not be released from jail before trial
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/05/politics/mueller-manafort-jail/index.html

Scott Pruitt EPA replacement Andrew Wheeler won’t be any better for environment, green groups say
https://www.nbcnews.com/science/environment/scott-pruitt-epa-replacement-andrew-wheeler-won-t-be-any-n889186

Donald Trump hires former Fox News executive Bill Shine as top communications aide
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/07/05/donald-trump-hires-ex-fox-news-executive-bill-shine/760120002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.03

Kristin Mink confronted Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt at a Washington restaurant and urged him to “resign before your scandals push you out.”

White House sources say Pruitt plans to remain in his post until he’s sure he’s gotten all of the money he possibly he can from the job.

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Republican Congressman Jim Jordan of Ohio, is accused of failing to stop Ohio State University team doctor Richard Strauss from molesting members of the Wrestling team and other students when Jordan was a coach there.

Jordan told reporters, “This is a lie, he only molested women and spied on teenage girls at beauty pageants,” before he realized they weren’t talking about Трамп.

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A 92-year-old Anna Mae Blessing of Fountain Hills, Arizona shot and killed her 72-year-old son after he told her he was going to send her to an assisted living facility.

NRA Spokeswoman told reporters, “The only thing that stops a bad old lady with a gun is a good old lady with a gun.” She unveiled their new policy to arm all women age 92 and up with pistols to help keep the streets safe.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Woman confronts Scott Pruitt at a restaurant, urges him to resign
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/03/politics/scott-pruitt-mom-restaurant-confrontation/index.html

Powerful GOP Rep. Jim Jordan accused of turning blind eye to sexual abuse as Ohio State wrestling coach
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/powerful-gop-rep-jim-jordan-accused-turning-blind-eye-sexual-n888386

92-year-old woman kills son after refusing to be sent to assisted living facility, authorities say
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/07/03/arizona-woman-accused-shooting-son-death-refused-move-assisted-living/757249002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.02

Fresh off of the millions of people protesting the family separation policies of Donald Трамп, the White House is weighing whether to label a powerful arm of Iran’s military as a terrorist group.

Still Not Labeled a Terrorist Group by the Трамп Regime: White Guys With Guns Who Shoot Up Places

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First Lady and illegal immigrant Melania Трамп earned hundreds of thousands of dollars from Getty Images from royalties paid to her. The royalty agreement mandated photos be used in positive news coverage only.

Here’s some news coverage I’m positive about: THIS ENTIRE FAMILY ARE A BUNCH OF CROOKS.

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Federal District Judge James Boasberg of the District of Columbia ruled on Monday that the Department of Homeland Security must stop their policy of jailing people coming to the United States to seek asylum.

In response to this, Donald Трамп said, “Oh yeah make me!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Exclusive: Trump administration debating ‘terrorist’ label for arm of Iran’s military
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/02/politics/us-iran-irgc-designation/index.html

News media paid Melania Trump thousands for use of photos in ‘positive stories only’
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/news-media-paid-melania-trump-thousands-use-photos-positive-stories-n883111

Judge rules that Trump administration has been wrongly detaining asylum seekers
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/07/02/judge-rules-trump-administration-has-been-wrongly-detaining-asylum-seekers/753151002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.23

Donald J. Трамп held a rally for Republican Senator Dean Heller, and referred to his opponent, Democrat Jacky Rosen, as “Wacky Jacky.” He then called Senator Elizabeth Warren ‘Pochahontas.”

Трамп was applauded by pundits for being civil.

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In the face of the ongoing immigration crisis caused by the policies of Donald J. Трамп, NBC reported recently that, “It’s getting tougher for migrants to claim asylum at U.S. ports of entry.”

Stay tuned for NBC’s latest hard-hitting expose, “Water: Is it Wet? We ask the experts.”

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The White House’s own version of Joseph Goebbels, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was asked to leave the Red Hen restaurant in Virginia Friday night by the business owner because of her support of the racist, oppressive policies of the Трамп regime.

The owners of the Red Hen asked their staff, many of whom are members of the LGBTQ community, whether they should serve Sanders and her party. Sanders and her party were seated and eating appetizers. After discussing with the staff and taking a vote, the owner decided to politely ask Sanders to leave. Sanders agreed to leave, her party decided to go with her, and the restaurant paid for the appetizers.

In reaction to this incident, editorial staff around the country plan to write pieces decrying the lack of civility in the United States, with an even split between old white liberals and old white conservatives on the matter.

When asked if anyone plans to talk about the uncivil, racist remarks Donald J. Трамп used at a political rally for Senator Dean Heller the same day that this happened, white people in news rooms around America said, “But what if I get asked to leave a restaurant next?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump unveils new nickname, re-uses old slur
https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2018/06/24/trump-wacky-jacky-nevada-speech-sot.cnn

Try later: It’s getting tougher for migrants to claim asylum at U.S. ports of entry
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/try-later-it-s-getting-tougher-migrants-claim-asylum-u-n885861

Trump spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders kicked out of Virginia restaurant by owner
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/06/23/trump-spokeswoman-sarah-sanders-virginia-restaurant/727972002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.14

Physicist Stephen Hawking died at the age of 76.  Hawking had been confined to a wheelchair by a neurological disease for decades, and communicated using a speech synthesizer.

In related news, Donald Трамп is still alive.

It’s also still unclear at this time what neurological disease Трамп has.

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Newly released emails show that Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson and his wife choose a $31,000 furniture set for his Department of Housing and Urban Development dining room. Carson has repeatedly claimed that he didn’t pick the furniture.

When asked by a reporter who picked the dining room set, Carson kept nodding at his wife for some reason and looking at her quickly.

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Millions of students across the country staged a school walk-out at 10.00am today for 17 minutes to protest gun violence and demand action.

Meanwhile, at the same time, millions of adults across the country complained that they had to wait in line too long for Starbucks coffee.

Reports say that the adults all got their coffee by 10.30am.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Stephen Hawking’s memorable quotes: ‘We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/03/14/stephen-hawking-quotations/423145002/

First on CNN: Emails show Ben, Candy Carson selected $31,000 dining set
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/14/politics/emails-ben-candy-carson-dining-set/index.html

Students demand action on gun violence with nationwide walkout
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/national-school-walkout-marks-month-parkland-mass-shooting-n856386

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.12

Since an ex-US airman shot more than two dozen people in a Texas church in November, the US military has added more than 4,000 names to the nation’s list of dishonorably discharged military personnel banned from owning guns.

The Трамп regime is considering a repeal of the list if the people on it, “promise to only shoot immigrants we don’t like. You know who we mean!”

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Lawmakers in at least 20 states are wagering that sports gambling could become legal by summer and are crafting legislation to make that happen within their borders.

The rush of action stems from a pending case before the Supreme Court — Christie v. NCAA — under which New Jersey, through a suit filed by then-Gov. Chris Christie, is seeking to strike down a federal law that prevents the state from allowing gambling on sports.

So, for anyone wondering, yes America is turning into the nightmare version of Hill Valley from Back to the Future II.

No word yet if President Biff will require actor Lea Thompson to get a boob job.

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A suspected poacher in South Africa was mauled to death and almost completely eaten by a pack of lions.

“It seems the victim was poaching in the game park when he was attacked and killed by lions. They ate his body, nearly all of it, and just left his head and some remains,” police spokesman Moatshe Ngoepe said. Police are trying to establish the victim’s identity.

U.N. officials aren’t sure if this kind of instant karma will also spread to the United States.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

CNN exclusive: After Texas massacre, military rushed to add more than 4,000 to gun ban list
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/12/us/gun-background-check-backlog-military-dishonorable-discharge-invs/index.html

Cash-hungry states betting Supreme Court will legalize sports gambling
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/cash-hungry-states-betting-supreme-court-will-legalize-sports-gambling-n846676

Suspected poacher mauled to death, eaten by pack of lions in South Africa
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/02/12/suspected-poacher-mauled-death-eaten-pack-lions-south-africa/328580002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.02

STABLE_GENIUS_donald-trump.png
Very stable genius Donald Трамп’s top advisor suggested it was critical he release the memo.

Former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper on Friday called Republicans’ push to release a classified memo that alleges the FBI abused its surveillance authority a “blatant political act.”

“Transparency is a great thing, but let’s be factual and objective about it, and this clearly is a pretty blatant political act,” Clapper said on CNN’s “New Day.”

In response, the White House released a statement saying, “Oh yeah, YOUR MOM IS A BLATANT POLITICAL ACT!”

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Randall Margraves, the father of three girls who were molested by gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar charged at him during a sentencing hearing Friday. He was wrestled to the flood by sheriff’s deputies as he shouted, “Give me one minute with that bastard!”

When asked by a reporter later if his daughters would still be doing Gymnastics, Margraves responded by breaking a chair over the reporter’s head.

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The Dow tumbled 666 points Friday — its sixth-biggest point loss ever — and suffered its worst week in two years as investors turned skittish after Republicans released a controversial and now-declassified memo alleging that the FBI and Department of Justice abused their surveillance authority to target President Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign.

Donald Трамп responded to the news by ignoring it and flying to Mar-A-Lago for yet another tax-payer funded vacation at his private resort.

Aides say Трамп plans to spend the weekend working out how to blame the stock market plummet on President Obama.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied that Трамп would blame Obama, saying he intended to blame Hillary Clinton and the Deep State.

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I don’t believe in ideas about the Book of Revelations, and then my kid brain remembers from childhood Bible Study that 666 was the mark of the beast, and I’m like, “Hello God, are you there? It’s me, effdot.”

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Ex-DNI Clapper calls Nunes memo a ‘blatant political act’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/02/politics/james-clapper-nunes-memo/index.html

Accusers’ dad Randall Margraves lunges at Larry Nassar in court
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/accusers-dad-charges-larry-nassar-during-sentencing-hearing-n844031

Dow plunges 666 points amid rate-hike fears after strong jobs report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/markets/2018/02/02/dow-suffers-brief-300-point-drop-amid-rate-hike-fears-after-strong-jobs-report/300350002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.30

Amidst a sea of scandals involving men who abuse women, and men turning away from the abuse heaped on women by their fellow men, comes a story about Hillary Clinton, because of course it does.

Hillary Clinton explained on Facebook that keeping a senior adviser on her 2008 campaign who was accused of sexual harassment was a mistake. She said she wouldn’t make the same decision today.

Pundits believe this statement will put to rest any notion that the media will treat Hillary Clinton and other women fairly, since this is literally happening at the same time that Donald Трамп has over 20 women actively accusing him of sexual harassment right now.

THERE’S NO PUNCHLINE HERE! THIS IS JUST WHAT HAPPENS NOW! CAPS LOCK! !@#!@#!

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Donald Трамп is telling friends and aides in private that things are going great for him, leading some pundits to wonder if he’s delusional.

As my neighbor Gary put it, yeah, things are great for Donald Трамп right now. “That dude is making money hand over fist. He’s free, nowhere near a prosecution or jail cell. His Jesus supporters are letting him coast on multiple counts of adultery. And most of the newspaper and TV people just kiss up to him and just pretend he’s bad news,” said Gary.

It’s unlikely Gary will be interviewed by anyone from CNN, The New York Times, the Washington Post, NBC News, Fox News, The Young Turks, because he’s an old black dude who gives a lot of side eye.

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Black Panther, starring Chadwick Boseman as African king T’Challa, had its world premiere on Monday night in Hollywood. Early reactions praised the Marvel film for celebrating black excellence at a level never seen before in the genre. A lot of people are predicting Black Panther will render audiences speechless.

For most audiences, that speechlessness will come from the sheer awesomeness of the movie.

White nationalists will likely be rendered speechless by the movie, too, because even those guys will know deep down that saying, “What about a WHITE Panther movie?” sounds stupid.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Clinton says she wouldn’t keep faith adviser if she ‘had to do it again’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/30/politics/hillary-clinton-sexual-harassment/index.html

The ‘state’ of Donald Trump? He thinks it couldn’t be better.
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/2018-state-of-the-union-address/state-donald-trump-he-thinks-it-couldn-t-be-better-n842501

‘Black Panther’ first reactions: It’s ‘astonishing,’ ‘iconic’ and ‘will save blockbusters’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/entertainthis/2018/01/30/black-panther-first-reactions-declare-film-astonishing-iconic-and-save-blockbusters/1077768001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.01.27

Yet another Republican has resigned from their job with the Трамп regime, this time, RNC finance chair and casino mogul Steve Wynn. He resigned amid controversy over sexual misconduct allegations.

Pundits were astonished that it took him this long to resign, with one saying, “Who does Steve Wynn think he is, Donald Трамп?”

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To make amends for calling several African countries, “shithole nations,” Donald Трамп sent a In a letter to African regional leaders saying he, “deeply respects” the people of Africa.

Donald Трамп also expects people to believe his hair is real, so …

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Donald Трамп is preparing a State of the Union address designed to outline his vision of a, “safe, strong and proud,” United States, officials said.

This message will be delivered by emphasizing the need for America to be, “white, white and white.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Wynn resigns as RNC’s finance chairman
https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/27/politics/wynn-rnc-finance-chair-resigns/index.html

Trump says he ‘deeply respects’ African people in letter to leaders
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/trump-says-he-deeply-respects-african-people-letter-leaders-n841596

‘Safe, strong and proud’ will be message of Trump’s first State of the Union, officials say
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/01/27/safe-strong-and-proud-message-trumps-first-state-union-officials-say/1070146001/

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