YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.12

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said the US is ready to talk with North Korea without preconditions.

However, Donald Трамп said the US is ready to, “LAUNCH THE NUKES RIGHT NOW DIE LITTLE CHUBBY MAN DIE!”

White House staff are mostly certain that Трамп was talking about Kim Jong Un and not himself.

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Absentee votes cast by Melania and Ivanka Трамп were invalidated by city officials due to strange errors on their ballots, according to the New York City Board of Elections.

Sources say that Melania’s ballot was invalidated because she wrote on the top, “I vote for my big daddy in all things including being mister sexy man alive people magazine!”

Ivanka’s was invalidated for the same reason.

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Donald Трамп signed a $700 billion defense policy bill Tuesday, then complained that the bill targets Russia too much.

The bill …

  • Restricts Military cooperation with Russia
  • Prohibits the US from recognizing Russia’s claim that it owns the Crimea
  • Requires the US military to develop and implement a strategy to counter threats by Russia

Трамп later calmed down when aides let him know that it’s still legal for him to go to Russia and hire prostitutes to pee on a bed.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Tillerson says US won’t set preconditions for North Korea talks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/12/politics/tillerson-north-korea-no-preconditions-talks/index.html

Melania and Ivanka Trumps’ botched NYC mayor votes thrown out
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-family-members-botched-nyc-mayor-votes-thrown-out-n828861

Imperfecto: Trump objects to Russia provisions as he signs $700 billion defense bill
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/12/12/trump-signing-statement-russia-provisions-defense-bill/943209001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.25

Paul Manafort traveled to Russia at least 18 times prior to joining Donald Трамп’s Presidential campaign, and was in frequent contact with Vladimir Putin’s allies for nearly a decade as a consultant in Russia, according to a new report by CNN.

The White House says those trips were just to purchase Manafort’s favorite caviar, which he can only get from Putin.

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Donald Трамп cut off weapons supplies to Kurdish fighters in Syria in a move to placate Turkey. Those Kurdish fighters have borne most of the fight against ISIS in Syria.

Donald Трамп was confused by the need to placate Turkey, since earlier in the week he had already pardoned two Turkeys for Thanksgiving.

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Richard Cordray stepped down from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau friday, and named Leandra English, the agency’s chief of staff, as deputy director. Under the Dodd-Frank Wall Street reform act that created the bureau in the wake of the 2007 recession, the appointment makes English the new acting director.

Donald Трамп is expected to name someone unqualified and slimy to fill the post. Possible candidates include Kid Rock, the corpse of Leona Helmsley, and the J.P. Moneybags character from Monopoly.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

McClatchy report details alleged Manafort flights to Russia, Ukraine
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/24/politics/paul-manafort-russia/index.html

Turkey ‘very happy’ as U.S. stops arming Kurds in Syria
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/u-s-stop-arming-kurds-syria-n823866

Consumer watchdog agency’s future uncertain amid leadership fight
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/11/25/consumer-watchdog-agencys-future-uncertain-amid-leadership-fight/894470001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.24

Michael Flynn’s lawyers told Donald Трамп’s legal team that they’re no longer able to share information related to Robert Mueller’s ongoing Russia probe.

Donald Трамп responded to the news by throwing a turkey leg at a TV playing Fox News then declaring, “I’ll give him a Russia probe!”

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General John Nicholson, America’s top commander in Afghanistan, told NBC News Thursday that the war there remains in a “stalemate,” but that new authority he’s been given over the last 90 days have reversed a decline in the U.S. position.

Average Americans responded to the news by saying, “Afghanistan? Why are we still at war there?”

Трамп supporting Americans responded to the news by saying, “Donald is going to get Osama Bin Laden for sure!”

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A North Korean soldier who was shot and wounded as he fled across the border to South Korea is a “nice guy” who appreciates American TV shows, western-style pop music, and American movies, according to the doctor treating him. He admitted to liking the comedy film Bruce Almighty starring Jim Carrey.

U.S. officials remain suspicious that the solider may be a double-agent, due to an additional comment he made to the doctor saying that he, “loved The Cable Guy, too.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Flynn’s lawyers no longer sharing information with Trump’s legal team
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/23/politics/michael-flynn-donald-trump-robert-mueller-new-york-times/index.html

‘Still in a stalemate,’ top U.S. commander in Afghanistan says
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/still-stalemate-says-top-u-s-commander-afghanistan-n823671

North Korean soldier who defected ‘nice guy’ who likes ‘CSI,’ pop music
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/24/north-korean-soldier-who-defected-nice-guy-who-likes-csi-pop-music/892025001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.22

Donald Трамп insulted LaVar Ball, the father of UCLA basketball player LiAngelo Ball who was detained for shoplifting in China. The US State Department recently helped secure Ball’s release from Chinese authorities.

Трамп said, “LaVar is just a poor man’s version of Don King, but without the hair,” on Twitter.

Трамп later told White House staff, “And I never liked that Reading Rainbow show LaVar Ball did! And he was TERRIBLE on Star Trek!”

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A half century after serving in Vietnam, test results show hundreds of veterans may have been infected by a slow-killing parasite while fighting in the jungles of Southeast Asia.

In related news, millions of American’s souls are slowly being killed by the parasites known as Donald Трамп’s family.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump calls LaVar Ball an ‘ungrateful fool’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/22/politics/trump-lavar-ball-tweets/index.html

Hundreds of Vietnam vets infected by a slow-killing parasite
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/hundreds-vietnam-vets-infected-slow-killing-parasite-n823411

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.16

Senate judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley and ranking member Dianne Feinstein sent a letter Thursday to Jared Kushner’s attorney requesting more information about his security clearance and Трамп campaign collusion with Russia in the 2016 election.

After reading the letter, Kushner’s attorneys replied by running out of the room.

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The House passed a nearly $1.5 trillion tax bill on Thursday that would slash tax rates on corporations and private businesses, overhaul the individual tax code and eliminate taxes on wealthy heirs.

The House plans on later eating sushi wrapped in dollar bills off of the bodies of naked children, because they’re literally cartoonish supervillains at this point.

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Jerry Jones asked NFL owners for a special meeting to discuss the contract of Commissioner Roger Goodell, and was denied, according to a report from the New York Times.

The Dallas Cowboys owner has been pushing to slow the negotiations between the league and Goodell since August, when the commissioner suspended Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott over alleged domestic abuse.

Sources say that Jones would prefer that players who beat women just get a fine, and that black players who take a knee over police violence get suspended.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Senate judiciary committee requests more information on Kushner
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/16/politics/senate-judiciary-committee-dianne-feinstein-chuck-grassley-jared-kushner-russia/index.html

House passes $1.5 trillion tax bill, cuts rates for individuals and businesses
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/report-senate-gop-bill-would-raise-taxes-middle-class-n821396

NFL denies Jerry Jones’ call for emergency owners meeting, per report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2017/11/16/nfl-denies-jerry-jones-call-emergency-owners-meeting/872845001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.15

House Democrats introduced articles of impeachment Wednesday against President Donald Trump, though they acknowledged their efforts have no chance of success while Republicans control both houses of Congress.

In response, Donald Трамп plans on tweeting about North Korea to pull focus away from their action.

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Philadelphia scored a legal victory in its fight to keep federal funding Wednesday after a judge issued a preliminary injunction barring the Justice Department from withholding more than $1 million in crime-fighting aid over the city’s so-called sanctuary city policies.

In response, Donald Трамп plans on extending his Wall project to also completely surround Philadelphia.

“NOBODY LIKES CREAM CHEESE!” Трамп screamed from the toilet.

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Pyongyang’s state media slammed Трамп for insulting North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Un while on a five country tour of Asia. It said the American president, who Kim has feuded with for months, deserves the death penalty.

In response, most Americans would prefer that Трамп just get a life sentence in prison.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

House Dems introduce articles of impeachment against Trump
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/15/politics/cohen-articles-of-impeachment/index.html

Philadelphia scores legal victory in sanctuary city funding fight
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/philadelphia-scores-legal-victory-sanctuary-city-funding-fight-n821101

North Korea on Trump’s Asia visit: He deserves death
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/15/north-korea-trumps-asia-visit-he-deserves-death/865390001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.13

Donald Трамп Jr. has released exchanges he had with the Julian Assange via the WikiLeaks Twitter account by direct messages during the 2016 presidential campaign.

Some of the messages Трамп Jr. sent to Assange included …

 

  • What are you wearing?
  • God my dad is a TOOL!
  • please delete the pee tape lol
  • Do u think I’m weird for thinking Hillary is hot?

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An Alabama woman on Monday accused Roy Moore, the state’s Republican nominee for U.S. Senate, of sexual assault, alleging that he attacked her behind the restaurant where she worked when she was 16 and he was 30.

The revelation is expected to increase Moore’s approval rating by +35% with Alabama evangelical Christians.

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After jurors slipped a note to court officials saying they were deadlocked on criminal corruption charges against Senator Bob Menendez, the judge told them to go home and return Tuesday with a new outlook.

The jurors decided to take his advice and have a spa day. When they returned to court, they were too hung-over to decide anything, so the case has been postponed a week.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Donald Trump Jr. releases exchanges with WikiLeaks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/13/politics/wikileaks-donald-trump-jr-2016-election/index.html

Woman Says Roy Moore Sexually Assaulted Her When She Was 16
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/woman-says-roy-moore-sexually-assaulted-her-when-she-was-n820446

Menendez trial jurors say they’re deadlocked; judge says sleep on it
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/13/bob-menendez-trial-jurors/860597001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.11

Donald Трамп said he believed Putin that Russian intelligence services didn’t interfere in the US presidential election last year. Multiple US intelligence agencies say they did. Putin’s spokesman said election meddling did not come up when they spoke, even though Трамп said it did.

Sources on the scene say that Трамп told them Putin later sold him a deed to the entire borough of Brooklyn.

Трамп plans to rename ‘Brooklyn’ to ‘Melaniaville’ in early 2018.

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North Korea slammed Donald Трамп Saturday accusing him of being a “destroyer” and having “begged” for nuclear war during his first trip to Asia.

White House aides denied the accusation, and said the only thing Трамп begged for during his trip was sex workers who needed to pee.

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USA Today reported that five big brands may be out of business within the next year, including Kmart, The Limited, Mattel, J.C. Penny, and Bed Bath & Beyond.

Before we could ask for a comment, USA Today went out of business.

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You can still buy USA Today, the website is still up and everything!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump says he believes Putin’s election meddling denials
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/11/politics/president-donald-trump-vladimir-putin-election-meddling/index.html

North Korea Says Trump ‘Begged’ For Nuclear War During Asia Trip
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/north-korea-says-trump-begged-nuclear-war-during-asia-trip-n819926

Retail woes: 5 big brands that may not be around much longer
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/retail/2017/11/10/5-big-brands-that-wont-be-around-much-longer/107523456/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.10

Jerry Moore, brother of Alabama GOP Senate candidate and child molestor Roy Moore, said his brother is being persecuted just like Jesus Christ.

Breaking News: Jerry Moore called Jesus a Pedophile!

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Former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn was offered $15 million by Turkish officials to kidnap a Turkish political dissident hiding in the United States. The meeting happened a few weeks before Donald Трамп’s inauguration a few blocks from Donald Трамп Tower.

When asked about this, a spokesperson for the White House said, “Hey, for $15 million, I’d tell everyone state secrets like how Трамп’s hairpiece works.”

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Due to an issue with his immigration status, former world heavyweight champion boxer Mike Tyson was sent home from Chile.

After arriving home and disembarking from the plane, Mike Tyson was also denied entry to the airport Chilis.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Moore’s brother denies charges, compares persecution to Jesus
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/10/politics/jerry-moore-martin-savidge-interview-roy-moore-sexual-misconduct/index.html

Mueller Probing Possible Deal Between Turks, Flynn During Presidential Transition
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/mueller-probing-possible-deal-between-turks-flynn-during-presidential-transition-n819616

Mike Tyson denied entry to Chile, sent home
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/boxing/2017/11/10/mike-tyson-denied-entry-chile-sent-home/851684001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.09

Roy Moore, the GOP nominee in Alabama for a US Senate seat, committed statutory rape of a 14 year old girl when he was 32 years old according to a report by the Washington Post.

Senator Mitch McConnel then asked, “Who does Roy Moore think he is, President Трамп?”

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Twitter said it would stop verifying accounts after it received heavy criticism for providing white nationalist and proud racist Jason Kessler with a verification badge on Wednesday.

Twitter said it was still okay with hate speech, they just didn’t want to publicly endorse Nazis.

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Donald Трамп will meet Russian President Vladimir Putin in Da Nang on the sidelines of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) conference either Friday or Saturday.

White House aides say Трамп is eager to hear his performance review from Putin.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP lawmakers ask Roy Moore to step aside if sexual allegations are true
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/09/politics/roy-moore-sexual-encounter-alabama/index.html

Twitter Suspends Verifying Accounts After White Nationalist Gets Badge
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/twitter-suspends-verifying-accounts-after-white-nationalist-gets-badge-n819491

All eyes on Trump and Putin attending Vietnam summit
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/09/all-eyes-trump-and-putin-attending-vietnam-summit/845561001/

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