YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.04

It’s the Fourth of July today! People everywhere are planning to spend time with family, friends, and loved ones as they eat too much, drink beer and watch things explode in the sky.

White House aides say a group of Republican members of Congress are planning to spend time in Russia with Vladimir Putin on July 4th, so, I guess they’re also spending time with friends and loved ones.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Fort Worth Rep. Kay Granger in Moscow meeting with Russian officials ahead of Trump-Putin summit
https://www.dallasnews.com/news/politics/2018/07/03/fort-worth-rep-kay-granger-moscow-meeting-russian-officials-ahead-trump-putin-summit

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.15

Just after Secretary of State Rex Tillerson’s sudden firing Tuesday morning over Twitter, American diplomats around the planet were told not to comment that the firing was a surprise by the Трамп regime.

According to sources, Donald Трамп wanted to ensure that the White House was the only source of ongoing confusion about the firing.

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Former Congressman and current CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the new nominee for Secretary of State, has an extensive record opposing the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans according to Human Rights Campaign.

When asked for a comment on Pompeo’s reckless prejudice, Трамп regime spokesperson rolled her eyes and said, “No DUH, being anti-gay is why he was nominated! Pfft!”

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Vanessa Трамп filed for uncontested divorce from Donald Trump Jr., on Thursday. Uncontested means there likely won’t be a fight over custody or assets, according to the reports.

When asked if the reason for the divorce was to potentially hide assets from any criminal probe Donald Трамп Jr. could get caught up in, Vanessa Трамп replied no comment while stuffing silverware into her purse.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US diplomats confused, told not to tweet or post on Tillerson’s firing
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/15/politics/rex-tillerson-firing-state-department-reaction/index.html

LGBTQ advocates see Pompeo as ‘reckless choice’ for top diplomat
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-advocates-see-pompeo-reckless-choice-top-diplomat-n856881

Donald Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa are divorcing
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/03/15/reports-presidents-eldest-donald-trump-jr-and-wife-vanessa-divorcing/430151002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.13

CNN reported today that Paul Manafort could face the rest of his life and almost 300 years in prison, a federal judge said Tuesday.

Americans around the country reacted to the news by screaming, “Paul Manafort is going to live to be over 300 years old?”

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Donald Трамп sent out a tweet Tuesday morning announcing he had fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and appointed CIA Director Mike Pompeo to replace him.

When asked why he fired Tillerson over Twitter instead of face-to-face, Donald Трамп told reporters, “Your mom is face-to-face!”

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USA Today writer Glenn Harlan Reynolds said in a recent column that California’s so-called ‘Sanctuary City’ laws make it ripe for Attorney General Jeff Sessions to send US troops to California to stop insurrection. He compared the Sanctuary laws to the desegregation orders by the Federal Government that required US troops to enforce.

Reynolds has also said that white males have the hardest time in America, so, way to go USA Today! There’s no punchline here, because this actual story is already dumb!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Paul Manafort faces 305 years
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/13/politics/paul-manafort-faces-305-years/index.html

Trump fires Rex Tillerson, selects Mike Pompeo as new Secretary of State
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-replaces-secretary-state-tillerson-cia-director-n856091

Could Trump and Sessions send federal troops to California over immigration?
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/03/13/trump-sessions-might-send-federal-troops-california-immigration-laws-glenn-reynolds-column/417633002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.12

Responding to customer pressure, Army and Air Force Exchange Service stores Monday reversed their decision to stop selling high capacity ammunition magazines just 10 days after they were removed from 72 military Post Exchanges across the United States. Customers told the exchange that they were using the high-capacity magazines as “supplemental” gear for their military issued gear.

As former Army corporal H.S. Puttgrass told a reporter, “We might get another Obama in the White House and I want to be ready, wait a minute, are you a reporter, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU COMMIE!”

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House Republicans investigating foreign interference in the 2016 election say they have found no evidence that Russians colluded with Donald Трамп’s campaign.

In a related report, house Republicans also concluded that John F. Kennedy was responsible for his own assassination. “President Kennedy was clearly the second shooter,” said Congressman Devin Nunes.

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Newly declassified video and audio show U.S. Navy pilots encountering a high speed aircraft gliding along the water without wings, tail or visible means of propulsion.

“What … is that thing?” one pilot can be heard saying in the video.

A top intelligence official speaking on condition of anonymity told reporters that it wasn’t a UFO, it was the secret system used to transport the yak hair used to make Donald Трамп’s wigs.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Military exchanges reverse decision to stop selling high capacity magazines
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/12/politics/military-exchange-high-capacity-magazine-reversal/index.html

House Republicans say investigation found no evidence of Russia-Trump collusion
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/house-republicans-say-investigation-found-no-evidence-russia-trump-collusion-n855986

UFO encounter? New footage shows U.S. Navy pilots’ apparent sighting of alien craft near East Coast
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/03/12/ufo-encounter-new-footage-shows-u-s-navy-pilots-apparent-sighting-alien-craft-near-east-coast/415951002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.23

CNN reported that since 2014, teachers in Callisburg, Texas have been carrying concealed guns to class.

The initiative reportedly began as a way to encourage students to finish their homework.

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Robert Mueller filed charges against Paul Manafort for secretly paying European politicians to lobby in the United States on behalf of Ukraine.

In related news, it’s unclear at this time if Robert Mueller will file charges against Donald Трамп for not-so-secretly paying women to sleep with him and keep quiet about it.

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USA Today published a list of signs that you work in a toxic office. Example signs that you may work in a toxic office included …

  1. High-turnover
  2. Too much Gossip
  3. Policies trump people
  4. Your boss is Donald Трамп

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Step inside the Texas school district that already arms its teachers
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/23/health/texas-guns-school-district-trnd/index.html

Mueller probe: Manafort hit with new charges after Gates pleads guilty
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/former-trump-campaign-aide-rick-gates-set-plead-guilty-n849256

Top 10 signs you work in a toxic office
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/strauss/2018/02/23/top-10-signs-you-work-toxic-office/365569002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.21

Fred Guttenberg, whose daughter Jaime was murdered during the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School shooting last week in Parkland, Florida, told Republican Senator Marco Rubio that his comments about the shooting were, “pathetically weak.”

In response, Rubio said, “No I’m not,” and jogged out of the room crying.

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Astrophysicists Michael Hippke and John Learned said in a recent scientific paper that our telescopes might pick up hazardous messages that could hack our computer systems.

In related news, OH MY GOD THE RUSSIANS ARE FROM OUTER SPACE!

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Christian Reverend Billy Graham died Wednesday at the age of 99.

Sadly, Donald Трамп is still alive.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Father of teen slain in Florida school massacre slams Rubio on gun stances
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/21/politics/fred-guttenberg-marco-rubio-cnntv/index.html

Scientists say space aliens could hack our planet
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/should-we-fear-cyberattacks-space-aliens-ncna849941

Billy Graham, America’s pastor, has died
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/02/21/billy-graham-americas-pastor-has-died/858017001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.16

First lady Melania Трамп drove separately from Donald Трамп to Edwards Airforce base today.

Melania’s communication director said the First Lady was trying to be respectful of Donald Трамп’s time, and make sure he had all the time he needed to SPEND WITH THOSE OTHER WOMEN IN THE LIMO!

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Donald Трамп and his friends concealed an affair he had with former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal during the second year of his marriage to Melania Трамп.

Melania icily denied the truth of the affair, and told reporters, “I don’t believe it’s true, because Donald has no friends.”

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Special counsel Robert Mueller filed criminal charges against 13 Russian nationals and 3 Russian businesses on Friday for undermining the 2016 presidential election.

After being briefed about the news, Donald Трамп expressed relief that it was only 3 Russian businesses, and that Mueller hadn’t found out yet about, “All those other ones! PHEW! DODGED A BULLET!”

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8/29/2014 – American political press freaks out because President Barrack Hussein Obama wears a TAN SUIT to a press conference.

2/16/2018 – American political press freaks out because they don’t know whether to lead with …

  • Another School Shooting
  • Donald Trump’s covering up MULTIPLE affairs with pay-offs
  • Multiple indictments from Robert Mueller related to Russialago
  • Black Panther

Man. I wish we could’ve had another 4 years of Obama. Because I would’ve liked to see him rock the tan suit to Black Panther this weekend. THAT would’ve been a fun scandal.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Melania Trump arrives solo to air base amid second affair scandal as first couple heads to Florida
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/16/politics/melania-trump-affair-scandal-white-house/index.html

Former Playboy model claims she had an affair with Trump, report says
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/former-playboy-model-claims-she-had-affair-trump-report-says-n848601

Special counsel indicts Russian nationals for interfering with U.S. elections and political processes
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/16/special-counsel-indicts-russian-nationals-election-interference/345720002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.15

Republican lawmakers offered thoughts and prayers over the murder of 17 kids in Florida by a 19 year old gunman. The kids were killed with an AR-15, a gun that can shoot 45 rounds a minute.

When asked if any of the thoughts and prayers were for common sense gun control laws, Republican lawmakers said, “Pfft, duh, of course not!”

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Human-shaped can of moldy spam Steve Bannon was interviewed by special counsel Robert Mueller over multiple days this week according to NBC News.

Reports say that Bannon gave testimony in pitch black rooms, to avoid any light that could cause his demon skin to burst into flames.

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USA Today reported today that Australia hasn’t had a fatal mass shooting since 1996, due to focused gun control laws that restricted the sale of semi-automatic and automatic rifles.

When asked why they ran this story, a USA Today spokesperson said, “Well, this story gets run every time there’s a mass shooting in the United States, and it was our turn to run it this week.”

Rumors say that ABC News will report this after the next school shooting, most likely next week.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

You don’t need a permit or license to buy a gun in Florida. (And you don’t have to register your gun either)
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/15/us/florida-gun-laws-trnd/index.html

Steve Bannon met with Mueller multiple times over the past week
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/steve-bannon-met-mueller-multiple-times-over-past-week-n848421

Australia hasn’t had a fatal mass shooting since 1996. Here’s what it did
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/02/15/australia-hasnt-had-fatal-mass-shooting-since-1996-heres-what-did/340345002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.13

Trenton Lewis, a 21-year-old UPS worker in Little Rock, Arkansas, was surprised when his coworkers bought him a car. Lewis had been walking 11 miles to and from work every day, leaving at 2 a.m. to make his 4 a.m. shift.

Upon hearing the news, the Трамп administration immediately took credit for the act of good will, then said they planned to find some way to deport Lewis.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied that the Трамп regime took credit or planned to deport Lewis in the morning, then by the afternoon denied that she had denied anything in the morning.

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Israeli police recommended that Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu be indicted on charges of corruption and bribery. In response, Netanyahu declared, “This will end in nothing.”

Members of the Israeli Parliament thought it was about fifty/fifty that it would actually end in jail.

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A leaping elk attacked a research helicopter that was trying to capture it, causing a crash, authorities in Utah said Tuesday.

Upon hearing the news, a furious Donald Трамп said, “Native Americans like Leaping Elk need to stay away from our helicopters!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

A single dad walked 11 miles to work every day — until his co-workers found out
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/13/health/iyw-single-dad-car-surprise-trnd/index.html

Police recommend Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu be indicted on corruption, bribery charges
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/police-recommend-israeli-pm-benjamin-netanyahu-be-indicted-corruption-bribery-n847616

Leaping elk crashes low-flying research helicopter
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/02/13/elk-helicopter-crash-utah/335159002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.09

Gary Emineth, a Republican candidate for US Senate in North Dakota, said recently that no more mosques should be built in the United States. Emineth went on North Dakota’s WDAY AM970 to defend his position on the Rob (re)Port.

“So I just made a statement, I’m a Christian that believes we ought to propagate our Christian faith. So I see an article and I retweet, ‘no more mosques in America,’ you know, and like, and share. So I retweeted it. So yeah. So what?”

When someone pointed out that banning mosques would violate the First Amendment to the Constitution, Emineth said, “So it violates the first amendment, so it tramples on religious liberties, I’m like, y’know, I want to propagate my Christian faith so, First Amendment, so what?”

When asked later if he supports Donald Трамп despite his numerous infidelities, Emineth said, “So he banged around a little on his wife? I’m a Christian that believes, hey, you wanna bang around on your wife, you wanna a gumare, a chantausey on the side, badda-bing, badda-boom, whaddya ya gonna do about it, fuggedaboutit?”

By the end of the interview, Emineth had fully devolved into a full-blown Italian mobster stereotype worthy of an old episode of Mad TV! Emineth ended the interview by asking for some gravy like his ma used to make, marone!

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After a temporary lapse in government funding that lasted through the night, Congress passed a two-year spending deal early Friday. The funding is primarily financed through borrowing thanks to the Trump tax cuts.

When asked how the funding would be paid for, Donald Трамп said, “Eh, don’t worry about it, I do this kind of thing all the time. All the time folks. You borrow the money, you declare bankruptcy, you start a new company. We’ll do the same thing, folks, the same thing. Already got my eye on a new name. Donaldvania. Say it outloud, it grows on you. It grows on you folks.”

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Donald Трамп on Friday refused to authorize the release of a Democratic rebuttal to a Republican intelligence committee memo alleging that FBI and Justice Department officials abused their power to spy on former Trump campaign adviser Carter Page.

When asked why, Donald Трамп said, “Duh, because I’m a jerk!” Donald Трамп then made faces for five minutes, before transitioning to a jerk-off motion.

The New York Times reported the move as, “quite Presidential!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Senate candidate defends sharing tweet that called for ban on mosques: ‘So what?’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/09/politics/kfile-north-dakota-senate-candidate-radio-interview/index.html

After temporary shutdown, Congress passes two-year spending deal
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/congress-readies-vote-budget-deal-hoping-avoid-shutdown-n845961

Trump blocks release of Dem memo rebutting GOP claims of FBI surveillance abuse
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/02/09/trump-agrees-trump-authorizes-release-democratic-memo-rebutting-republican-claims-fbi-surveillance/317476002/

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