YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.12

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said the US is ready to talk with North Korea without preconditions.

However, Donald Трамп said the US is ready to, “LAUNCH THE NUKES RIGHT NOW DIE LITTLE CHUBBY MAN DIE!”

White House staff are mostly certain that Трамп was talking about Kim Jong Un and not himself.

————

Absentee votes cast by Melania and Ivanka Трамп were invalidated by city officials due to strange errors on their ballots, according to the New York City Board of Elections.

Sources say that Melania’s ballot was invalidated because she wrote on the top, “I vote for my big daddy in all things including being mister sexy man alive people magazine!”

Ivanka’s was invalidated for the same reason.

————

Donald Трамп signed a $700 billion defense policy bill Tuesday, then complained that the bill targets Russia too much.

The bill …

  • Restricts Military cooperation with Russia
  • Prohibits the US from recognizing Russia’s claim that it owns the Crimea
  • Requires the US military to develop and implement a strategy to counter threats by Russia

Трамп later calmed down when aides let him know that it’s still legal for him to go to Russia and hire prostitutes to pee on a bed.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Tillerson says US won’t set preconditions for North Korea talks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/12/politics/tillerson-north-korea-no-preconditions-talks/index.html

Melania and Ivanka Trumps’ botched NYC mayor votes thrown out
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-family-members-botched-nyc-mayor-votes-thrown-out-n828861

Imperfecto: Trump objects to Russia provisions as he signs $700 billion defense bill
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/12/12/trump-signing-statement-russia-provisions-defense-bill/943209001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

Advertisements

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.11

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer is writing a book about what he says happened during the 2016 election, transition and his time serving Donald Трамп.

Aides say that Spicer is planning to write two versions, one for general audiences with the working title “My Time in Washington,” and another for Трамп called, “Spicey Made a Fart!”

————

A federal judge on Monday rejected Donald Трамп’s request to delay enlistment of transgender people in the military. The Pentagon said enlistments would begin on January 1st, 2018.

Also starting on January 1st, 2018, the attachment of Donald Трамп’s next toupee!

————

A man detonated a low-tech, improvised explosive device in a crowded pedestrian tunnel at the Port Authority near Times Square today. He said he timed the assault to hurt the greatest number of people he possibly could. He managed to hurt himself and cause no other injuries with his homemade bomb.

Somebody should’ve told him that if he wanted to hurt people at the Port Authority, the best way is to force them to use the bathrooms!

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Sean Spicer announces he’s writing a book
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/11/politics/sean-spicer-book-trump-election/index.html

Judge rejects Trump’s request to further delay transgender military enlistment
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/judge-rejects-trump-s-request-further-delay-transgender-military-enlistment-n828486

Suspect in Times Square blast timed assault for maximum impact
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/12/11/nypd-explosion-port-authority-bus-terminal-manhattan-times-square/939724001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.12.10

Chief judge on the 9th US Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Alex Kozinsk is accused of sexual harrasment by multiple staffers who worked with him, The Washington Post reported Friday.

Reports from Washington D.C. say that because of these serious charges, Donald Трамп wants to appoint him to the Supreme Court.

————

A recent discovery reported in Nature has redefined how scientists look for signs of life. Researchers discovered a new species of bacteria that can live only by breathing fumes of hydrogen, carbon monoxide, and carbon dioxide.

In a related discovery, other researchers reported that many people from Alabama can live only by breathing only cigarette smoke and religious propaganda.

————

Speaking of Alabama, the race for the Senate seat there between Democrat Doug Jones and literal Republican pedophile Roy Moore is almost done. But Roy Moore has apparently disappeared from the campaign trail and been unavailable for press appearances or rallies.

When a reporter asked where Moore was, a spokesperson for the campaign said, “I don’t know, have you checked the girl’s bathrooms at any local junior highschools?” before being whisked out of the room.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Renowned appeals court judge facing claims of inappropriate sexual conduct
http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/09/politics/alex-kozinksi-accusations/index.html

New discovery could change the way we look for alien life
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/new-discovery-could-change-way-we-look-alien-life-ncna827921

Where’s Roy? Days before Alabama election, Moore disappears from campaign trail
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/12/09/wheres-roy-days-before-alabama-election-moore-disappears-campaign-trail/938022001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.27

After human paraquat Donald Трамп attacked press outlets over the weekend, former CIA and National Security Agency Director Michael Hayden said he could not believe the President was capable of “such an outrageous assault” on the First Amendment.

“If this is who we are or who we are becoming, I have wasted 40 years of my life,” Hayden tweeted over the weekend.

I guess Hayden is wishing he’d went ahead and become an architect like he always dreamed.

————

Russian election influence, the ever-widening sexual harassment scandal, mass shootings and the opioid epidemic helped elevate the word “complicit” as Dictionary.com’s word of the year for 2017.

The runner-up word of the year was a picture of Donald Трамп captioned “Jerk.”

————

Tufts University postponed an event featuring Anthony Scaramucci after the former White House communications director threatened to sue a student over an opinion piece published in the school newspaper.

The Mooch plans on suing a high-school next for posting an inaccurate lunch menu.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Ex-CIA Director Hayden blasts Trump’s CNN attack
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/27/politics/michael-hayden-criticizes-trump/index.html

‘Complicit’ is word of the year, according to Dictionary.com
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/complicit-word-year-according-dictionary-com-n824121

Tufts University postpones Anthony Scaramucci event after he threatens to sue student
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/11/27/tufts-university-postpones-anthony-scaramucci-event-after-he-threatens-sue-student/896885001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.26

Democratic mega-donor and billionaire environmentalist Tom Steyer on Sunday defended his $20 million national television and digital ad campaign calling for Congress to impeach Donald Трамп, saying ” … to sit here and wait doing absolutely nothing is the wrong thing to do. The American people want this man impeached.”

Republican members of Congress disagreed, and felt continuing to do nothing was the right thing to do. Some are considering taking up golf!

————

Rep. John Conyers, D-Mich., stepped down as the ranking Democratic member of the House Judiciary Committee on Sunday, following sexual harassment accusations.

Republicans plan to replace Conyers with a ranking member from their own party that doesn’t yet have a public sex assault scandal.

————

USA Today reported that the price of pneumococcal vaccine Prevnar 13 is going up.

Most Americans responded to the news by asking in a panic, “What’s pneumococus? Do I have it? Is that why my feet smell?”

————

FYI: The Pneumococcal vaccine protects against pneumonia and other ear infections. It’s sort of like a theoretically one-time only flu shot, except with a fancier name and much higher price-tag.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Tom Steyer defends $20M ad campaign calling to impeach Trump
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/26/politics/tom-steyer-defends-impeachment-ads/index.html

Rep. John Conyers steps down from committee leadership position amid harassment accusations
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/nancy-pelosi-john-conyers-deserves-due-process-n823991

Cost of pneumococcal vaccine keeps rising
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2017/11/26/cost-pneumococcal-vaccine-keeps-rising/892612001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.25

Paul Manafort traveled to Russia at least 18 times prior to joining Donald Трамп’s Presidential campaign, and was in frequent contact with Vladimir Putin’s allies for nearly a decade as a consultant in Russia, according to a new report by CNN.

The White House says those trips were just to purchase Manafort’s favorite caviar, which he can only get from Putin.

————

Donald Трамп cut off weapons supplies to Kurdish fighters in Syria in a move to placate Turkey. Those Kurdish fighters have borne most of the fight against ISIS in Syria.

Donald Трамп was confused by the need to placate Turkey, since earlier in the week he had already pardoned two Turkeys for Thanksgiving.

————

Richard Cordray stepped down from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau friday, and named Leandra English, the agency’s chief of staff, as deputy director. Under the Dodd-Frank Wall Street reform act that created the bureau in the wake of the 2007 recession, the appointment makes English the new acting director.

Donald Трамп is expected to name someone unqualified and slimy to fill the post. Possible candidates include Kid Rock, the corpse of Leona Helmsley, and the J.P. Moneybags character from Monopoly.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

McClatchy report details alleged Manafort flights to Russia, Ukraine
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/24/politics/paul-manafort-russia/index.html

Turkey ‘very happy’ as U.S. stops arming Kurds in Syria
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/u-s-stop-arming-kurds-syria-n823866

Consumer watchdog agency’s future uncertain amid leadership fight
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/11/25/consumer-watchdog-agencys-future-uncertain-amid-leadership-fight/894470001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.24

Michael Flynn’s lawyers told Donald Трамп’s legal team that they’re no longer able to share information related to Robert Mueller’s ongoing Russia probe.

Donald Трамп responded to the news by throwing a turkey leg at a TV playing Fox News then declaring, “I’ll give him a Russia probe!”

————

General John Nicholson, America’s top commander in Afghanistan, told NBC News Thursday that the war there remains in a “stalemate,” but that new authority he’s been given over the last 90 days have reversed a decline in the U.S. position.

Average Americans responded to the news by saying, “Afghanistan? Why are we still at war there?”

Трамп supporting Americans responded to the news by saying, “Donald is going to get Osama Bin Laden for sure!”

————

A North Korean soldier who was shot and wounded as he fled across the border to South Korea is a “nice guy” who appreciates American TV shows, western-style pop music, and American movies, according to the doctor treating him. He admitted to liking the comedy film Bruce Almighty starring Jim Carrey.

U.S. officials remain suspicious that the solider may be a double-agent, due to an additional comment he made to the doctor saying that he, “loved The Cable Guy, too.”

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Flynn’s lawyers no longer sharing information with Trump’s legal team
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/23/politics/michael-flynn-donald-trump-robert-mueller-new-york-times/index.html

‘Still in a stalemate,’ top U.S. commander in Afghanistan says
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/still-stalemate-says-top-u-s-commander-afghanistan-n823671

North Korean soldier who defected ‘nice guy’ who likes ‘CSI,’ pop music
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/24/north-korean-soldier-who-defected-nice-guy-who-likes-csi-pop-music/892025001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.22

Donald Трамп insulted LaVar Ball, the father of UCLA basketball player LiAngelo Ball who was detained for shoplifting in China. The US State Department recently helped secure Ball’s release from Chinese authorities.

Трамп said, “LaVar is just a poor man’s version of Don King, but without the hair,” on Twitter.

Трамп later told White House staff, “And I never liked that Reading Rainbow show LaVar Ball did! And he was TERRIBLE on Star Trek!”

————

A half century after serving in Vietnam, test results show hundreds of veterans may have been infected by a slow-killing parasite while fighting in the jungles of Southeast Asia.

In related news, millions of American’s souls are slowly being killed by the parasites known as Donald Трамп’s family.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump calls LaVar Ball an ‘ungrateful fool’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/22/politics/trump-lavar-ball-tweets/index.html

Hundreds of Vietnam vets infected by a slow-killing parasite
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/hundreds-vietnam-vets-infected-slow-killing-parasite-n823411

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.21

Diplomats at a UN Security Council meeting on human trafficking called Tuesday for investigations into slave auctions in Libya following a CNN report last week on the practice.

Later this year, CNN will report on the NFL draft in positive tones.

————

Donald Трамп pardoned two turkeys, Drumstick and Wishbone, in the Rose Garden today.

Aides say that Трамп plans on pardoning two other turkeys, Flynn and Manafort, as soon as he can get away with it.

————

CBS fired Charlie Rose and PBS dropped his long-running interview show on Tuesday, after an explosive report Monday in the Washington Post detailed years of sexual assault against dozens of women.

CBS and PBS will plan on keeping reruns of Rose’s shows off the air for at least a year, or until everyone forgets that he did this (whichever comes first).

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

UN Security Council seeks investigation into Libya slave trade
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/21/africa/un-security-council-libya-slave-trade/index.html

Trump pardons two Thanksgiving turkeys, jokes about killing Obama’s birds
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-pardons-two-thanksgiving-turkeys-jokes-about-killing-obama-s-n822951

CBS fires Charlie Rose after sexual-misconduct claims surface; PBS drops his show
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2017/11/21/cbs-morning-addresses-charlie-rose-scandal-charlie-does-not-get-pass-here/884102001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.20

A woman says Senator Al Franken grabbed her butt in 2010 when she took a photo with him at the Minnesota State Fair.

Al Franken: Gross with women when he was a comedian AND a politician!

————

In a valley eight miles southeast of the Norwegian city of Tromsø, scientists just transmitted a message to aliens. The short message includes electronic music and a tutorial about geometry and the use of binary numbers.

Another group of scientists plan to transmit an even simpler message, “Send help.”

————

Barack Obama tweeted a birthday message to Joe Biden for his birthday.

Obama tweeted …

In response, aides say that Donald Трамп wants to tweet a picture of himself making out with Vice-President Mike Pence.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Woman says Franken inappropriately touched her in 2010
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/20/politics/al-franken-inappropriate-touch-2010/index.html

We just beamed a signal at space aliens. Was that a bad idea?
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/we-just-beamed-signal-space-aliens-was-bad-idea-ncna822446

Former president Barack Obama wishes Joe Biden happy birthday — in meme form
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/11/20/former-president-barack-obama-wishes-joe-biden-happy-birthday-meme-form/881948001/

 


 

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …