YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.13

Robert Mueller indicted 12 Russian hackers for breaking into email servers belonging to the Democratic National Committee in 2016. The indictment references an unnamed individual who helped coordinate the release of the information; pundits believe this person is Roger Stone.

Stone is concerned that the release of the news will increase the number of talk show appearances he’s scheduled to be booked on in the next few weeks. “I’m tired!” he said while sitting in a makeup chair at CNN.

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A total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month. The blood moon will be the longest total eclipse of this century.

White House aides say the blood moon is crucial to helping former Трамп advisor Steve Bannon find a new host body to inhabit.

“We can only do the demon ritual during a blood moon!” said a literal monster dripping with slime to members of NBC News.

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At least half of Twitter users spent time on Friday counting the ways that Donald Трамп insulted Queen Elizabeth during his recent state visit.

The other half of Twitter users were purged for being bots.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Roger Stone’s messages suggest he is unnamed person in new Russia indictment
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/13/politics/roger-stone-russia-investigation-wikileaks/index.html

Total lunar eclipse will turn the moon blood red later this month
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/total-lunar-eclipse-will-turn-moon-blood-red-later-month-ncna891191

Twitter counts ways President Trump ‘insulted’ Queen Elizabeth
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/07/13/twitter-counts-ways-president-trump-insulted-queen/784042002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.11

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa said he’s nervous about the ‘detrimental’ effects of a trade war with China.

Grassley is perfectly calm about the detrimental effects of separating immigrant children from their parents, so, that should balance out his weekend anxiety.

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An Illinois Police Officer Patrick Connor resigned from his job for letting a drunk old white guy yell at a woman wearing a shirt with the Puerto Rican flag.

Connor plans to take a job in Boston, where that kind of thing is less frowned upon.

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The U.S. Army turned over the elderly parents of one of an active duty soldiers to ICE while the parents were visiting their son on base.

A spokesperson said that tomorrow, the Army will set a basket full of kittens on fire while children sing the Star Spangled banner.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Sen. Chuck Grassley nervous about ‘detrimental’ effects of trade war
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/11/politics/chuck-grassley-trade-iowa-trump-cnntv/index.html

Officer resigns amid probe over lack of response to man harassing woman for wearing Puerto Rico shirt
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/officer-resigns-amid-probe-over-lack-response-man-harassing-woman-n890781

Live stream: Daughter says Army turned parents over to ICE while visiting soldier son-in-law
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/07/11/family-says-army-turned-couple-over-ice-while-visiting-their-daughter-soldier-son-law/775148002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.10

On CNN today, Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar said Tuesday that his department’s policy of locking immigrant children in cages was, “one of the great acts of American generosity and charity.”

Azar was later seen eating the child of one of his neighbors to demonstrate, “loving kindness.”

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A 30 year old woman who beat a 92 year old man with a brick on the 4th of July was arrested. During the attack the woman told the immigrant man to, “Go back to his country.”

Local police weren’t planning to arrest anyone, but then found out the woman was black and felt okay about it. “Good thing she wasn’t a white lady, we’d have to let her go!” said one officer just before a fruit truck ran him over.

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Zsa Zsa, winner of the 2018 World’s Ugliest Dog, died at age 9.

Still alive? Donald Трамп, winner of the 2018 World’s Ugliest President!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

HHS secretary: We’re performing great act of ‘generosity and charity’ for immigrant children
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/10/politics/azar-hhs-child-separation-immigration-charity-cnntv/index.html

Man, 92, beaten with brick on street, told to ‘go back’
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/man-92-brutally-beaten-street-told-go-back-your-country-n890146

Zsa Zsa, the World’s Ugliest Dog, dies at age 9
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/07/10/english-bulldog-zsa-zsa-worlds-ugliest-dog-dies-age-9/774009002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.27

On July 31st, Justice Anthony Kennedy, a conservative Supreme Court justice, will retire

On July 8th, Donald J. Трамп, a lunatic conman under criminal investigation, will nominate his replacement.

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The Justice Department has approved the merger of Disney and Fox.

Coming to the Disney Channel in July 2019, Fox & Friends featuring Bill O’Reilly and Mickey Mouse!

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USA Today reported that armed robbers tortured a 7-year old boy in Texas during a home invasion.

When informed about the news, Donald J. Трамп exclaimed, “Torturing children in Texas! That’s ICE’s job!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Justice Anthony Kennedy to retire from Supreme Court
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/27/politics/anthony-kennedy-retires/index.html

U.S. Justice Department approves Fox-Disney deal
https://www.nbcnews.com/card/u-s-justice-department-approves-fox-disney-deal-n887011

Armed robbers torture 7-year-old boy during Texas home invasion
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/06/27/robbers-torture-7-year-old-boy-during-texas-home-invasion/737368002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.25

Esteban Guzman, a 27-year-old systems administrator and part-time landscaper, was doing yard work with his mother in California, when they were verbally attacked by a woman who called them “illegals” and “rapists.”

When asked if this was civil treatment, a Трамп regime spokesperson said, “Of course it was, it’s not like she was asking them to leave a restaurant!”

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Sources close to NBC News have reported that Defense Secretary James ‘Mad Dog’ Mattis is ‘completely out of the loop’ on all decisions made by Donald J. Трамп.

Also out of the loop on all decisions made by Donald J. Трамп — basic human decency.

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Milwaukee-based motorcycle manufacturer Harley-Davidson will move production to various foreign markets to avoid increased tariffs from the European Union after buffoon and human garbage can Donald J. Трамп ignited an unnecessary trade war.

In response, Donald J. Трамп will soon release a statement announcing that Harley-Davidson is opening 5 billion new motorcycle plants in Ohio.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Woman cites Trump while calling man ‘rapist,’ ‘illegal’ in viral rant
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/26/us/woman-berates-man-viral-rant-don-lemon-cnntv/index.html

Mattis is out of the loop and Trump doesn’t listen to him, say officials
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/mattis-out-loop-trump-doesn-t-listen-him-say-officials-n885796

Harley-Davidson to move some motorcycle production out of US after EU tariffs
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/06/25/harley-davidson-eu-tariffs-trump/729958002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.23

Donald J. Трамп held a rally for Republican Senator Dean Heller, and referred to his opponent, Democrat Jacky Rosen, as “Wacky Jacky.” He then called Senator Elizabeth Warren ‘Pochahontas.”

Трамп was applauded by pundits for being civil.

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In the face of the ongoing immigration crisis caused by the policies of Donald J. Трамп, NBC reported recently that, “It’s getting tougher for migrants to claim asylum at U.S. ports of entry.”

Stay tuned for NBC’s latest hard-hitting expose, “Water: Is it Wet? We ask the experts.”

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The White House’s own version of Joseph Goebbels, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, was asked to leave the Red Hen restaurant in Virginia Friday night by the business owner because of her support of the racist, oppressive policies of the Трамп regime.

The owners of the Red Hen asked their staff, many of whom are members of the LGBTQ community, whether they should serve Sanders and her party. Sanders and her party were seated and eating appetizers. After discussing with the staff and taking a vote, the owner decided to politely ask Sanders to leave. Sanders agreed to leave, her party decided to go with her, and the restaurant paid for the appetizers.

In reaction to this incident, editorial staff around the country plan to write pieces decrying the lack of civility in the United States, with an even split between old white liberals and old white conservatives on the matter.

When asked if anyone plans to talk about the uncivil, racist remarks Donald J. Трамп used at a political rally for Senator Dean Heller the same day that this happened, white people in news rooms around America said, “But what if I get asked to leave a restaurant next?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump unveils new nickname, re-uses old slur
https://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2018/06/24/trump-wacky-jacky-nevada-speech-sot.cnn

Try later: It’s getting tougher for migrants to claim asylum at U.S. ports of entry
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/try-later-it-s-getting-tougher-migrants-claim-asylum-u-n885861

Trump spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders kicked out of Virginia restaurant by owner
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/06/23/trump-spokeswoman-sarah-sanders-virginia-restaurant/727972002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.21

CNN interviewed 8 year old Kensi Hernandez recently. She dreams of being a doctor, but fears that she’ll be deported back to Honduras and seperated from her mother Ana Hernandez.

CNN is planning to later interview white nationalist Corey Lewandowski for his take on why Kensi and Ana are a threat to the United States, because CNN is terrible.

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Immigrant children being held prisoner in a Virginia immigration prison said they were beaten while handcuffed, locked up for long periods in solitary confinement, left nude and shivering in concrete cells, and have suffered more abuse for years after being accused by the Trump administration of being members of MS-13.

When told about the news, walking pile of dog feces Laura Ingraham said, “Well, it sounds just like summer camp to me!” Corey Lewandowski then made his trademark womp womp sound while Stephen Miller at a live puppy.
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Koko the gorilla, famous for knowing sign language, died last night. She was 46.

Still alive: human dumpster fire Donald Трамп.
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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

8-year-old girl clings to her mom as they talk about fears of separation
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/21/americas/mexico-migrant-girl-fears-separation/index.html

Young immigrants held for years in Virginia detention center claim horrific abuse
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/young-immigrants-held-years-virginia-detention-center-claim-horrific-abuse-n885276

Koko, the gorilla famous for knowing sign language, dies in her sleep
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/06/21/koko-sign-language-fluent-gorilla-dies-46/720788002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.20

CNN correspondent and human armpit stain Corey Lewandowski refused to apologize Wednesday after he said, “Womp womp,” while Democratic National Committee adviser Zac Petkanas shared an anecdote about a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome who had been taken from her mother at the southern border by US agents.

CNN plans to continue booking Lewandowski on their shows, banking that the ratings he’ll generate is worth keeping a sociopath on payroll.

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Speaking of sociopaths, it looks like “great businessman” Donald Трамп has stuck America with yet another lousy deal thanks to his bad policies. It turns out that it costs $775 per child, per night to house migrant children forcibly separated from their parents.

It costs between $256 – $298 per person, per night to keep children with their parents. It also goes without saying that it would cost the government nothing not to put any of these families into privately-contracted government facilities in the first place.

When asked for a comment on the cost of the housing, a spokesperson for HHS said, “Well of course we’re paying more, how else are people going to cash in on this policy if we don’t?” before being whisked out of the room by agents of HYDRA.

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On the lighter side of the news, Hola! USA reports that Eva Longoria and her husband José Bastón welcomed their son 6lb, 13oz son Santiago Enrique Bastón Tuesday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Upon hearing the news, White House official and Skeletor impersonator Stephen “I’m an Actual Nazi” Miller told his staff that he hopes to kidnap Santiago within a week and place him in custody. “I’m a horrible human being!” Miller said as he bit the head off of a puppy for the amusement of Donald Трамп.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Lewandowski refuses to apologize for ‘womp womp’ comment
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/19/politics/corey-lewandowski-undocumented-immigrant-womp-womp/index.html

Trump admin’s ‘tent cities’ cost more than keeping migrant kids with parents
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/trump-admin-s-tent-cities-cost-more-keeping-migrant-kids-n884871

Eva Longoria and husband Jose Baston welcome a baby boy
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/06/20/eva-longoria-husband-jose-baston-baby-boy-son/717048002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.05.26

A surprise meeting between South Korean President Moon Jae-In and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un just happened in the Korean Demilitarized Zone. This is the second this month, and the first to happen after Donald Трамп abruptly canceled a summit meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.

Трамп told his staff, “If they want to meet without me, it’s no big deal. Whatever. I can meet with other people if I wanna. I want ice cream. Can I have a hamburger? No, I don’t want a hamburger I want a cheeseburger! Get me ice cream on a cheeseburger now Now NOW!”

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NBC News recently reviewed the movie ‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ and said it’s a great show but a terrible experience.

In related News, Stormy Daniels reviewed Donald J Трамп and said the same thing.

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Alan Bean, the fourth man to walk on the moon, died on Saturday at age 86.

Aides say Donald J Трамп plans to talk with Sean Hannity before bed tonight to decide when to declare the Moon Landing fake news.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

North and South Korean leaders hold surprise meeting
https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/26/politics/north-and-south-korean-leaders-meet-again/index.html

‘Solo: A Star Wars Story’ is a great show but a terrible film
https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/solo-star-wars-story-great-show-terrible-film-ncna877711

Alan Bean, 4th man to walk on the moon, dies at 86
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/05/26/alan-bean-4th-man-walk-moon-dies-86/647507002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.16

Tennessee Democrat John Ray Clemmons introduced a bill to the Tennessee State Legislature to denounce Neo-Nazi groups and white nationalism. The bill was voted down by Republicans in 36 seconds.

Spokespeople for the Republican Party said the bill wasn’t voted down because their colleagues are racist, but because the bill didn’t, “thank any of the good Nazis who do nice things, too, y’know!”

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Seven U.S. service members aboard an American military helicopter that crashed in western Iraq late Thursday were killed, according to U.S. military officials.

People around the U.S. reacted to the news by saying, “We still have soldiers in Iraq?”

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Lawyers for Stormy Daniels, an adult film actress who was paid $130,000 to keep her affair with Donald Трамп silent, told reporters that she was threatened with physical violence if she didn’t agree to the payment.

When asked for a comment on the matter, spokespeople for the Трамп regime said, “No one threatened Stormy Daniels, but if she keeps talking we’re gonna give her a smack in the mouth!”

The spokesperson was then immediately fired by the White House, hired by the Трамп Reelection Campaign, then nominated for Secretary of State.

Aides say that the anonymous spokesperson has also been offered a show on Fox News.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

A resolution denouncing neo-Nazis dies in 36 seconds
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/16/politics/tennessee-white-nationalist-resolution-trnd/index.html

Seven U.S. service members killed in Iraq helicopter crash
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/military/u-s-helicopter-crashes-western-iraq-rescue-underway-n857156

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer says porn star was physically threatened to remain silent over alleged affair with Trump
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/03/16/stormy-daniels-lawyer-says-porn-star-physically-threatened-remain-silent-over-alleged-affair-trump/431167002/

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