YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.09.30

On Sunday, Kellyanne Conway told CNN that the FBI investigation into sexual assault and misconduct allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh is, “not meant to be a fishing expedition.”

Sources say that upon hearing this, Brett Kavanaugh got enraged, kicked a garbage can and said, “But I was looking forward to being on the lake and drinking beer!”

Kavanaugh then choked four FBI agents and apologized before falling asleep on a park bench and repeatedly telling neighbors, “I’m fine, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s. I’m fine. I just. I’ll sleep here. I’m fine. It’s fine.”

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In Allentown, Pennsylvania, a car exploded at 9.30pm Saturday killing several people and leading to a shelter-in-place order for nearby residents. Some FBI agents are helping local officials in the investigation.

The White House said that it would have been ALL FBI agents, “But SOME PEOPLE think that Brett Kavanaugh needs to be ‘investigated’ for ‘sexually assaulting women’ so, sorry Pennsylvania, guess your car explosion needs to wait!”

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Donald Трамп told a crowd at a West Virginia rally that he and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un “fell in love” after he read Kim’s “beautiful letters.”

Opponents of the White House believe that Трамп is lying about his relationship with Kim Jong Un. When asked why, an anonymous source said, “Because it’s not clear Трамп can read.”

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Haha, the President is an illiterate psychopath!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Kellyanne Conway: Kavanaugh investigation ‘not meant to be a fishing expedition’
https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/30/politics/kellyanne-conway-kavanaugh-fbi-cnntv/index.html

Pennsylvania car explosion kills three, prompting FBI investigation
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/pennsylvania-car-explosion-kills-one-prompting-fbi-investigation-n915176

President Donald Trump on Kim Jong Un: ‘We fell in love’ over ‘beautiful letters’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/09/30/trump-north-koreas-kim-love-beautiful-letters/1478834002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.09.08

CNN reported today that Officials in the Трамп regime met secretly with Venezuelan military officers who were plotting a coup against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

It’s unclear at this time on whether they were offering or looking for advice.

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Last night, hip hop artist Cardi B was removed from a New York Fashion Week party after insulting Nicki Minaj.

Meanwhile, Donald Трамп has insulted literally the entire country multiple times and has yet to be removed from the White House.

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In South Dakota, Donald Трамп called for new libel laws during a rally to raise money for Republican Senatorial candidates.

Трамп wants Republicans to, “… Create some libel laws that when people say stuff bad about you, you could sue them!”

It’s unclear at this time if Трамп has a sense of irony.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US met with Venezuela officers plotting coup
https://www.cnn.com/videos/world/2018/09/08/us-govt-venezuela-coup-plans-diamond-nr-vpx.cnn

Cardi B escorted out of fashion party after lunging at Nicki Minaj
https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/cardi-b-escorted-out-fashion-party-after-lunging-minaj-n907731

Trump goes to South Dakota, rails against media and calls for new libel laws
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2018/09/08/trump-noem-fundraiser-thune-rounds-new-libel-laws/1238366002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.12

Former President George W Bush said he is “disturbed” by the abuse of immigrants taking place in the United States.

Bush said he’d be less disturbed by it if he was still President.

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Ohio authorities dropped charges against adult film star Stormy Daniels just hours after she was arrested during a performance at a Columbus strip club. She was arrested for letting a patron touch her without permission.

Never arrested for touching women without their permission? Still Donald Трамп!

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Massive protests are planning to greet Donald Трамп during his state visit to the United Kingdom. The protests include a giant balloon in the shape of him as a baby, vulgar crop circles, and a gathering of a few hundred thousand people.

Трамп plans to file a grievance over these incidents with his manager, Vladimir Putin.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

George W. Bush ‘disturbed’ by current US immigration debate
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/12/politics/george-w-bush-bill-clinton-presidential-leadership-scholars/index.html

Sex-offense charges against Stormy Daniels dropped just hours after arrest
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/stormy-daniels-arrested-strip-club-charged-sex-offenses-n890791

‘@#$%! Trump’: Crop circle vulgarity to greet president as he flies to UK prime minister
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/07/12/crop-circle-vulgarity-carved-into-field-along-trumps-uk-flight-path/778127002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.11

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa said he’s nervous about the ‘detrimental’ effects of a trade war with China.

Grassley is perfectly calm about the detrimental effects of separating immigrant children from their parents, so, that should balance out his weekend anxiety.

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An Illinois Police Officer Patrick Connor resigned from his job for letting a drunk old white guy yell at a woman wearing a shirt with the Puerto Rican flag.

Connor plans to take a job in Boston, where that kind of thing is less frowned upon.

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The U.S. Army turned over the elderly parents of one of an active duty soldiers to ICE while the parents were visiting their son on base.

A spokesperson said that tomorrow, the Army will set a basket full of kittens on fire while children sing the Star Spangled banner.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Sen. Chuck Grassley nervous about ‘detrimental’ effects of trade war
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/11/politics/chuck-grassley-trade-iowa-trump-cnntv/index.html

Officer resigns amid probe over lack of response to man harassing woman for wearing Puerto Rico shirt
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/officer-resigns-amid-probe-over-lack-response-man-harassing-woman-n890781

Live stream: Daughter says Army turned parents over to ICE while visiting soldier son-in-law
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/07/11/family-says-army-turned-couple-over-ice-while-visiting-their-daughter-soldier-son-law/775148002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.09

Republican Congressman Kevin Cramer, who’s running for the Senate in North Dakota, said he told Donald Трамп to avoid making his Supreme Court nomination “some sort of affirmative action pick.”

When asked what he meant, Cramer said, “Let me be clear, I’m a racist, and I’m a sexist.”

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A police officer in El Paso, Texas, was placed on administrative leave after a video showing him pulling a gun on a group of young children was viewed 4.7 million times.

El Paso police regret the incident, and hope future incidents of police violence don’t go viral.

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Researchers in Finland have discovered Clistopyga crassicaudata, a new species of wasp in the Amazon that has a giant stinger.

Upon hearing the news, a local dad exclaimed, “They should call that wasp a Mueller!” When his children asked, “Why would they call that wasp a Mueller?” The unnamed local dad exclaimed, “Because Mueller’s prosecuting a giant sting!”

The audible groan from this dad joke was heard up to 80 miles away.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Senate candidate Kevin Cramer: I told Trump to avoid ‘affirmative action pick’ for Supreme Court
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/09/politics/kevin-cramer-trump-supreme-court-affirmative-action-north-dakota-senate/index.html

El Paso, Texas, officer under review after pulling gun on children
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/el-paso-texas-officer-under-review-after-pulling-gun-group-n889796

‘Fierce weapon’: New wasp species with giant stinger discovered in Amazon region, scientists say
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/07/09/new-wasp-species-giant-stinger-found-amazon-scientists-say/767247002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.08

In Thailand, the first four of the boys soccer team trapped in a cave were rescued this morning. According to Donald Трамп, the US government has been aiding in the rescue effort.

In the United States, a few thousand immigrant children remain trapped in immigrant detention facilities. According to Donald Трамп, it’s a totally different situation.

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A person driving the wrong direction on I-66 in Rosslyn, Virginia, crashed head-on into a car and injured two people this morning. A uniformed Secret Service officer noticed the same driver earlier travelling the wrong way on I Street Northwest in Washington, D.C. about 4:35 a.m. Sunday and gave chase.

The Secret Service told reporters, “We thought it was Melania again!”

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In his opinion piece for USA Today, evangelical Christian John Fea wrote that his fellow white evangelicals are afraid of the future, afraid to embrace change, and love Donald Трамп for the dark history he represents.

In response to this thoughtful piece, Americans everywhere asked, “Who’s John Fea?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Thai cave rescue underway
https://www.cnn.com/asia/live-news/thai-cave-rescue-live-intl/index.html

Wrong-Way Driver in Head-On Collision Closed I-66: Secret Service
https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/I-66-Rosslyn-Virginia-Crash-Secret-Service-487593821.html

White evangelicals fear the future and yearn for the past. Of course Trump is their hero.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/07/08/evangelicals-support-donald-trump-out-fear-nostalgia-column/748967002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.07

House Freedom Caucus members are being urged to stand by Republican Representative Jim Jordan amid allegations that he knew about, but did not report, the sexual abuse of wrestlers he coached at Ohio State University in the early 1990s.

Representative Mark Meadows, who chairs the House Freedom Caucus, called on members to support Jordan, telling them, “We must stand together. We’ve all sexually assaulted someone. We’ve all covered up sexual assaults. Because if we can’t live together, we’re going to die alone. Yes, I just quoted Jack from Lost. Yes, we of the House Freedom Caucus argue with each other about the ending of Lost. Yes, I like the ending of Lost. Yes, I think you’re an idiot if you don’t agree with me. Yes, it’s a metaphor. But more importantly? If we don’t stand together to protect each other from the consequences of the sexual abuse we’ve committed and covered-up, who will? Also, I still think Sawyer should’ve ended up with Kate, it was weird that he ended up with Juliet, even though she’s super hot.”

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Secretary of State Mike Pompeo left Pyongyang Saturday after a 24 hour session of intense negotiations about taking apart North Korea’s nuclear weapons.

“We had many hours of productive conversations,” Pompeo told reporters shortly before departing for Tokyo. Meanwhile, North Korea said the talks were regrettable and unproductive.

Mike Pompeo was later seen by reporters eating a hot dog at Ronald Reagan international airport. He told reporters, “This is not a hot dog, it’s a meat carnival.”

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USA Today ran a stunning editorial this morning by Siddique Malik of The Courier-Journal Opinion. In the editorial, Malik said that the immigration crisis caused by the Трамп regime showed they acted like the Taliban.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied Malik’s claim, saying, “Look at my face. LOOK AT IT! Do I have a beard? Nope, clean shaven. Smooth as a baby’s behind. So, we’re definitely not the Taliban. Now, please leave me alone, I need to personally go to the border and rip a child away from her screaming parents and lock them in separate prisons.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

House Freedom Caucus members are urged to stand by Rep. Jim Jordan
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/07/politics/jim-jordan-house-freedom-caucus-congress-gop-support/index.html

After Pompeo departs, North Korea calls talks with U.S. ‘regrettable’
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/secretary-pompeo-north-korea-vice-chairman-seek-clarify-their-positions-n889551

Donald Trump’s administration acts like the Taliban. The only difference? We voted for our leaders
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/nation-now/2018/07/07/trump-administration-democracy-taliban-immigrant-children-human-rights-column/760514002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.01

CNN is predicting more people resigning from the Трамп regime in the coming weeks as some staffers near their one year anniversary.

The people lined up to work for a year 3 in the Трамп regime include …

  • Any Republican not involved in a child molestation scandal
  • A potted plant
  • Donald Трамп, Jr.

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34 year old Shane Ryan Sealy went to a “Families Belong Together” rally in Alabama armed with a gun, then started a fight with a protester, police and witnesses said Sunday. He was charged with menacing and reckless endangerment by Huntsville police.

NBC News described Shane Ryan Sealy as an “armed heckler.”

When asked why they described a person literally terrorizing immigrants as simply an, “armed heckler,” a spokesperson for NBC News said, “Duh, because he’s a white guy.”

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In Japan on Sunday, a Hello Kitty-themed pink bullet train debuted, adorned with the cartoon icon.

In Brooklyn at the same time, a young NYU student urinated between the subway cars on the 4 train and adorned everything with a beer-pee smell.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

More West Wing turnover may be coming
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/01/politics/ip-west-wing-turnover/index.html

Armed heckler arrested at ‘Keep Families Together’ rally in Alabama
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/armed-heckler-arrested-keep-families-together-rally-alabama-n888176

Hello Kitty bullet train ferries fans in Japan
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/destinations/2018/07/01/hello-kitty-japanese-bullet-train-decorated-popular-cartoon/749289002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.28

A recent study by Pew Research found that most Conservatives believe that tech companies are biased against them.

The same study also found that most Conservatives believe that Jesus actually likes them.

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At a political rally in North Dakota,  Donald J. Трамп told a crowd filled with his supporters that he’s really nailing this whole President thing.

As a reminder to the American people, Donald J. Трамп also believes his hair looks great.

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As of today, it’s been at least 112 days since Donald J. Трамп’s directed the Defense Department to organize a military parade in his honor, but sources say they’re finally getting around to it.

Also as of today, it’s been at least 516 days since Трамп promised to deliver a plan to defeat ISIS, but nobody’s really working on that.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Most conservatives think tech companies are politically biased, Pew Research survey finds
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2018/06/28/pew-survey-finds-conservatives-think-tech-firms-favor-liberal-views/736644002/

Donald Trump is pretty sure he’s nailing this whole ‘President’ thing
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/29/politics/donald-trump-white-house-anthony-kennedy/index.html

Planning for Trump’s military parade finally getting underway
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/planning-trump-s-military-parade-finally-getting-underway-n887431

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.26

Representative Steve King, a Republican who really hates immigrants, told CNN Tuesday he didn’t realize he retweeted a message from a self-described Nazi sympathizer who has expressed admiration for Adolf Hitler.

A spokesman for King clarified his remarks, telling reporters that it’s hard for King to tell the difference between Nazi quotes and his own views because because his views are so similar.

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In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court upheld Donald J. Трамп’s travel ban, because the wording of the ban indicated that it wasn’t a ‘Muslim Ban.’ This is despite Трамп saying publicly over multiple occasions and in multiple interviews that the ban was a Muslim ban.

White House Propaganda Minister Sarah Huckabee Sanders clarified for reporters that the travel ban is a Muslim Ban, unless it’s being discussed in a courtroom, in which case it’s definitely just a travel ban.

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Still offended by the uncivil act of asking Sarah Huckabee Sanders to leave their restaurant, the Red Hen in Lexington, Virginia was besieged by conservative protesters.

“I’m appalled at the way they treated the press secretary, and I think if people don’t make a stand, that kind of stuff will continue around the state and around the country,” said Ian McDonald, 34, of Accomack County. “So we’ve got to send a message that it’s not acceptable.”

When asked if it was okay to lock children up in prisons, McDonald said, “Of course it is a DOY DOY DOY DOY!” then flipped people off and called them snowflakes in the name of civility.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Steve King says retweet of Nazi sympathizer’s message was unintentional, won’t delete tweet
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/26/politics/steve-king-retweet-nazi-sympathizer/index.html

Supreme Court upholds Trump travel ban, president claims vindication from ‘hysterical’ critics
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-upholds-trump-travelban-n873441

Lexington overwhelmed by protests after Sanders’ visit to the Red Hen
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/26/red-hen-protests-sarah-huckabee-sanders-visit-lexington/736830002/

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