YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.12

Former President George W Bush said he is “disturbed” by the abuse of immigrants taking place in the United States.

Bush said he’d be less disturbed by it if he was still President.

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Ohio authorities dropped charges against adult film star Stormy Daniels just hours after she was arrested during a performance at a Columbus strip club. She was arrested for letting a patron touch her without permission.

Never arrested for touching women without their permission? Still Donald Трамп!

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Massive protests are planning to greet Donald Трамп during his state visit to the United Kingdom. The protests include a giant balloon in the shape of him as a baby, vulgar crop circles, and a gathering of a few hundred thousand people.

Трамп plans to file a grievance over these incidents with his manager, Vladimir Putin.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

George W. Bush ‘disturbed’ by current US immigration debate
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/12/politics/george-w-bush-bill-clinton-presidential-leadership-scholars/index.html

Sex-offense charges against Stormy Daniels dropped just hours after arrest
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/stormy-daniels-arrested-strip-club-charged-sex-offenses-n890791

‘@#$%! Trump’: Crop circle vulgarity to greet president as he flies to UK prime minister
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2018/07/12/crop-circle-vulgarity-carved-into-field-along-trumps-uk-flight-path/778127002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.11

Republican Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa said he’s nervous about the ‘detrimental’ effects of a trade war with China.

Grassley is perfectly calm about the detrimental effects of separating immigrant children from their parents, so, that should balance out his weekend anxiety.

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An Illinois Police Officer Patrick Connor resigned from his job for letting a drunk old white guy yell at a woman wearing a shirt with the Puerto Rican flag.

Connor plans to take a job in Boston, where that kind of thing is less frowned upon.

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The U.S. Army turned over the elderly parents of one of an active duty soldiers to ICE while the parents were visiting their son on base.

A spokesperson said that tomorrow, the Army will set a basket full of kittens on fire while children sing the Star Spangled banner.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Sen. Chuck Grassley nervous about ‘detrimental’ effects of trade war
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/11/politics/chuck-grassley-trade-iowa-trump-cnntv/index.html

Officer resigns amid probe over lack of response to man harassing woman for wearing Puerto Rico shirt
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/officer-resigns-amid-probe-over-lack-response-man-harassing-woman-n890781

Live stream: Daughter says Army turned parents over to ICE while visiting soldier son-in-law
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/07/11/family-says-army-turned-couple-over-ice-while-visiting-their-daughter-soldier-son-law/775148002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.09

Republican Congressman Kevin Cramer, who’s running for the Senate in North Dakota, said he told Donald Трамп to avoid making his Supreme Court nomination “some sort of affirmative action pick.”

When asked what he meant, Cramer said, “Let me be clear, I’m a racist, and I’m a sexist.”

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A police officer in El Paso, Texas, was placed on administrative leave after a video showing him pulling a gun on a group of young children was viewed 4.7 million times.

El Paso police regret the incident, and hope future incidents of police violence don’t go viral.

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Researchers in Finland have discovered Clistopyga crassicaudata, a new species of wasp in the Amazon that has a giant stinger.

Upon hearing the news, a local dad exclaimed, “They should call that wasp a Mueller!” When his children asked, “Why would they call that wasp a Mueller?” The unnamed local dad exclaimed, “Because Mueller’s prosecuting a giant sting!”

The audible groan from this dad joke was heard up to 80 miles away.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

GOP Senate candidate Kevin Cramer: I told Trump to avoid ‘affirmative action pick’ for Supreme Court
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/09/politics/kevin-cramer-trump-supreme-court-affirmative-action-north-dakota-senate/index.html

El Paso, Texas, officer under review after pulling gun on children
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/el-paso-texas-officer-under-review-after-pulling-gun-group-n889796

‘Fierce weapon’: New wasp species with giant stinger discovered in Amazon region, scientists say
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/07/09/new-wasp-species-giant-stinger-found-amazon-scientists-say/767247002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.08

In Thailand, the first four of the boys soccer team trapped in a cave were rescued this morning. According to Donald Трамп, the US government has been aiding in the rescue effort.

In the United States, a few thousand immigrant children remain trapped in immigrant detention facilities. According to Donald Трамп, it’s a totally different situation.

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A person driving the wrong direction on I-66 in Rosslyn, Virginia, crashed head-on into a car and injured two people this morning. A uniformed Secret Service officer noticed the same driver earlier travelling the wrong way on I Street Northwest in Washington, D.C. about 4:35 a.m. Sunday and gave chase.

The Secret Service told reporters, “We thought it was Melania again!”

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In his opinion piece for USA Today, evangelical Christian John Fea wrote that his fellow white evangelicals are afraid of the future, afraid to embrace change, and love Donald Трамп for the dark history he represents.

In response to this thoughtful piece, Americans everywhere asked, “Who’s John Fea?”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Thai cave rescue underway
https://www.cnn.com/asia/live-news/thai-cave-rescue-live-intl/index.html

Wrong-Way Driver in Head-On Collision Closed I-66: Secret Service
https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/I-66-Rosslyn-Virginia-Crash-Secret-Service-487593821.html

White evangelicals fear the future and yearn for the past. Of course Trump is their hero.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/07/08/evangelicals-support-donald-trump-out-fear-nostalgia-column/748967002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.07

House Freedom Caucus members are being urged to stand by Republican Representative Jim Jordan amid allegations that he knew about, but did not report, the sexual abuse of wrestlers he coached at Ohio State University in the early 1990s.

Representative Mark Meadows, who chairs the House Freedom Caucus, called on members to support Jordan, telling them, “We must stand together. We’ve all sexually assaulted someone. We’ve all covered up sexual assaults. Because if we can’t live together, we’re going to die alone. Yes, I just quoted Jack from Lost. Yes, we of the House Freedom Caucus argue with each other about the ending of Lost. Yes, I like the ending of Lost. Yes, I think you’re an idiot if you don’t agree with me. Yes, it’s a metaphor. But more importantly? If we don’t stand together to protect each other from the consequences of the sexual abuse we’ve committed and covered-up, who will? Also, I still think Sawyer should’ve ended up with Kate, it was weird that he ended up with Juliet, even though she’s super hot.”

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Secretary of State Mike Pompeo left Pyongyang Saturday after a 24 hour session of intense negotiations about taking apart North Korea’s nuclear weapons.

“We had many hours of productive conversations,” Pompeo told reporters shortly before departing for Tokyo. Meanwhile, North Korea said the talks were regrettable and unproductive.

Mike Pompeo was later seen by reporters eating a hot dog at Ronald Reagan international airport. He told reporters, “This is not a hot dog, it’s a meat carnival.”

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USA Today ran a stunning editorial this morning by Siddique Malik of The Courier-Journal Opinion. In the editorial, Malik said that the immigration crisis caused by the Трамп regime showed they acted like the Taliban.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions denied Malik’s claim, saying, “Look at my face. LOOK AT IT! Do I have a beard? Nope, clean shaven. Smooth as a baby’s behind. So, we’re definitely not the Taliban. Now, please leave me alone, I need to personally go to the border and rip a child away from her screaming parents and lock them in separate prisons.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

House Freedom Caucus members are urged to stand by Rep. Jim Jordan
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/07/politics/jim-jordan-house-freedom-caucus-congress-gop-support/index.html

After Pompeo departs, North Korea calls talks with U.S. ‘regrettable’
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/secretary-pompeo-north-korea-vice-chairman-seek-clarify-their-positions-n889551

Donald Trump’s administration acts like the Taliban. The only difference? We voted for our leaders
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/nation-now/2018/07/07/trump-administration-democracy-taliban-immigrant-children-human-rights-column/760514002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.07.01

CNN is predicting more people resigning from the Трамп regime in the coming weeks as some staffers near their one year anniversary.

The people lined up to work for a year 3 in the Трамп regime include …

  • Any Republican not involved in a child molestation scandal
  • A potted plant
  • Donald Трамп, Jr.

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34 year old Shane Ryan Sealy went to a “Families Belong Together” rally in Alabama armed with a gun, then started a fight with a protester, police and witnesses said Sunday. He was charged with menacing and reckless endangerment by Huntsville police.

NBC News described Shane Ryan Sealy as an “armed heckler.”

When asked why they described a person literally terrorizing immigrants as simply an, “armed heckler,” a spokesperson for NBC News said, “Duh, because he’s a white guy.”

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In Japan on Sunday, a Hello Kitty-themed pink bullet train debuted, adorned with the cartoon icon.

In Brooklyn at the same time, a young NYU student urinated between the subway cars on the 4 train and adorned everything with a beer-pee smell.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

More West Wing turnover may be coming
https://www.cnn.com/2018/07/01/politics/ip-west-wing-turnover/index.html

Armed heckler arrested at ‘Keep Families Together’ rally in Alabama
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/armed-heckler-arrested-keep-families-together-rally-alabama-n888176

Hello Kitty bullet train ferries fans in Japan
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/destinations/2018/07/01/hello-kitty-japanese-bullet-train-decorated-popular-cartoon/749289002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.28

A recent study by Pew Research found that most Conservatives believe that tech companies are biased against them.

The same study also found that most Conservatives believe that Jesus actually likes them.

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At a political rally in North Dakota,  Donald J. Трамп told a crowd filled with his supporters that he’s really nailing this whole President thing.

As a reminder to the American people, Donald J. Трамп also believes his hair looks great.

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As of today, it’s been at least 112 days since Donald J. Трамп’s directed the Defense Department to organize a military parade in his honor, but sources say they’re finally getting around to it.

Also as of today, it’s been at least 516 days since Трамп promised to deliver a plan to defeat ISIS, but nobody’s really working on that.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Most conservatives think tech companies are politically biased, Pew Research survey finds
https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2018/06/28/pew-survey-finds-conservatives-think-tech-firms-favor-liberal-views/736644002/

Donald Trump is pretty sure he’s nailing this whole ‘President’ thing
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/29/politics/donald-trump-white-house-anthony-kennedy/index.html

Planning for Trump’s military parade finally getting underway
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/planning-trump-s-military-parade-finally-getting-underway-n887431

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.26

Representative Steve King, a Republican who really hates immigrants, told CNN Tuesday he didn’t realize he retweeted a message from a self-described Nazi sympathizer who has expressed admiration for Adolf Hitler.

A spokesman for King clarified his remarks, telling reporters that it’s hard for King to tell the difference between Nazi quotes and his own views because because his views are so similar.

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In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court upheld Donald J. Трамп’s travel ban, because the wording of the ban indicated that it wasn’t a ‘Muslim Ban.’ This is despite Трамп saying publicly over multiple occasions and in multiple interviews that the ban was a Muslim ban.

White House Propaganda Minister Sarah Huckabee Sanders clarified for reporters that the travel ban is a Muslim Ban, unless it’s being discussed in a courtroom, in which case it’s definitely just a travel ban.

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Still offended by the uncivil act of asking Sarah Huckabee Sanders to leave their restaurant, the Red Hen in Lexington, Virginia was besieged by conservative protesters.

“I’m appalled at the way they treated the press secretary, and I think if people don’t make a stand, that kind of stuff will continue around the state and around the country,” said Ian McDonald, 34, of Accomack County. “So we’ve got to send a message that it’s not acceptable.”

When asked if it was okay to lock children up in prisons, McDonald said, “Of course it is a DOY DOY DOY DOY!” then flipped people off and called them snowflakes in the name of civility.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Steve King says retweet of Nazi sympathizer’s message was unintentional, won’t delete tweet
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/26/politics/steve-king-retweet-nazi-sympathizer/index.html

Supreme Court upholds Trump travel ban, president claims vindication from ‘hysterical’ critics
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-upholds-trump-travelban-n873441

Lexington overwhelmed by protests after Sanders’ visit to the Red Hen
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/26/red-hen-protests-sarah-huckabee-sanders-visit-lexington/736830002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.21

CNN interviewed 8 year old Kensi Hernandez recently. She dreams of being a doctor, but fears that she’ll be deported back to Honduras and seperated from her mother Ana Hernandez.

CNN is planning to later interview white nationalist Corey Lewandowski for his take on why Kensi and Ana are a threat to the United States, because CNN is terrible.

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Immigrant children being held prisoner in a Virginia immigration prison said they were beaten while handcuffed, locked up for long periods in solitary confinement, left nude and shivering in concrete cells, and have suffered more abuse for years after being accused by the Trump administration of being members of MS-13.

When told about the news, walking pile of dog feces Laura Ingraham said, “Well, it sounds just like summer camp to me!” Corey Lewandowski then made his trademark womp womp sound while Stephen Miller at a live puppy.
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Koko the gorilla, famous for knowing sign language, died last night. She was 46.

Still alive: human dumpster fire Donald Трамп.
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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

8-year-old girl clings to her mom as they talk about fears of separation
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/21/americas/mexico-migrant-girl-fears-separation/index.html

Young immigrants held for years in Virginia detention center claim horrific abuse
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/young-immigrants-held-years-virginia-detention-center-claim-horrific-abuse-n885276

Koko, the gorilla famous for knowing sign language, dies in her sleep
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/06/21/koko-sign-language-fluent-gorilla-dies-46/720788002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.20

CNN correspondent and human armpit stain Corey Lewandowski refused to apologize Wednesday after he said, “Womp womp,” while Democratic National Committee adviser Zac Petkanas shared an anecdote about a 10-year-old girl with Down syndrome who had been taken from her mother at the southern border by US agents.

CNN plans to continue booking Lewandowski on their shows, banking that the ratings he’ll generate is worth keeping a sociopath on payroll.

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Speaking of sociopaths, it looks like “great businessman” Donald Трамп has stuck America with yet another lousy deal thanks to his bad policies. It turns out that it costs $775 per child, per night to house migrant children forcibly separated from their parents.

It costs between $256 – $298 per person, per night to keep children with their parents. It also goes without saying that it would cost the government nothing not to put any of these families into privately-contracted government facilities in the first place.

When asked for a comment on the cost of the housing, a spokesperson for HHS said, “Well of course we’re paying more, how else are people going to cash in on this policy if we don’t?” before being whisked out of the room by agents of HYDRA.

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On the lighter side of the news, Hola! USA reports that Eva Longoria and her husband José Bastón welcomed their son 6lb, 13oz son Santiago Enrique Bastón Tuesday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Upon hearing the news, White House official and Skeletor impersonator Stephen “I’m an Actual Nazi” Miller told his staff that he hopes to kidnap Santiago within a week and place him in custody. “I’m a horrible human being!” Miller said as he bit the head off of a puppy for the amusement of Donald Трамп.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Lewandowski refuses to apologize for ‘womp womp’ comment
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/19/politics/corey-lewandowski-undocumented-immigrant-womp-womp/index.html

Trump admin’s ‘tent cities’ cost more than keeping migrant kids with parents
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/immigration-border-crisis/trump-admin-s-tent-cities-cost-more-keeping-migrant-kids-n884871

Eva Longoria and husband Jose Baston welcome a baby boy
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2018/06/20/eva-longoria-husband-jose-baston-baby-boy-son/717048002/

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