YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.07

This morning North Korea said it will launch “thousands-fold” revenge against the United States, after the United Nations Security Council unanimously approved tough new sanctions Saturday, including a ban on coal and other exports worth over $1 billion.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said Monday that, “The best signal that North Korea could give us that they’re prepared to talk would be to stop these missile launches.”

Pretty sure that threatening to launch a thousands-fold revenge is not a sign that anyone wants to talk. Heckuva job you’re doing on the peace front there, Tillie.

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Today the New York Times reported that many politicians will bend the truth to make a point, but that Трамп lies more than any other modern politician in history.

Later today, the New York Times will report that water is wet.

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On Friday Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп started a 17-day vacation at his resort golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. The regime was quick to note that this is a “working” vacation, so Трамп will still do some of what he considers the President’s job..

Among the things Трамп plans to do on his vacation while working are …

 

  • Golfing
  • Tweeting
  • Lying to reporters about how much someone says they liked his speech
  • Tweeting while Golfing
  • Eating three scoops of ice-cream
  • Golfing while tweeting

 

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

North Korea threatens ‘thousands-fold’ revenge against U.S. for sanctions
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/08/07/north-korea-threatens-revenge-against-u-s-sanctions/544226001/

Many Politicians Lie. But Trump Has Elevated the Art of Fabrication.
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/07/us/politics/lies-trump-obama-mislead.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news

As Trump plays golf, trouble brews
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40829988

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.06

When asked by George Stephanopoulos whether Donald Трамп would fire special counsel Robert Mueller over the investigation into the regime’s ties to Russian espionage, Kellyanne Conway said, “The president has not even discussed that.”

Conway was unsure whether Трамп would tweet about it while on the toilet during his upcoming golfing vacation. “He does tweet a lot from the bathroom,” Conway was heard to quip between commercials.

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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said Sunday that Donald Трамп Jr.’s meeting with a Russian lawyer in June of last year was a bad idea. He told CNN’s “State of the Union that, “This meeting was ill-advised … Everybody in retrospect knew this was a bad idea.”

Pretty sure people at the moment it happened that everyone knew that talking with spies from a hostile foreign government was a bad idea, but okay Chris Christie, you be you.

chrischristie_ap_img.jpg
Ah, no way, I’m WAY WORSE at governing than you! Way! WAY WAY!

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An area the size of New Jersey in the Gulf of Mexico is an oxygen-deprived dead zone that’s devoid of life.

Also an oxygen deprived dead-zone: Donald Трамп Jr.’s head.

I mean, seriously, “In hindsight talking to Russia was a bad idea?” COME ON!

19DONJR-superJumbo.jpg
Dad said I had to sit here and think about why trying to be honest with the media was a bad idea.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Kellyanne Conway: Trump ‘not discussing’ firing special counsel Robert Mueller
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/06/kellyanne-conway-trump-not-discussing-firing-robert-mueller/543412001/

Christie: Everybody knows now Trump Jr.’s meeting was a ‘bad idea’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/06/politics/chris-christie-robert-mueller/index.html

Why This Year’s ‘Dead Zone’ in Gulf of Mexico Is Bigger Than Ever
http://www.nbcnews.com/science/environment/why-year-s-dead-zone-gulf-mexico-bigger-ever-n789636

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.05

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп begins a 17-day vacation golfing today. While he’s away, workers will work on renovations to the White House.

gold_toilet-not-saddams.jpeg

Before he left, Трамп handed workers pictures of Saddam Hussein’s palace and told them, “Make it look just like this, but imagine me there, instead.”

Aides say that Трамп’s favorite toilet, Mr. Shiney, will be the first to get a gold-plated make-over during his absence.

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On Friday, the Трамп regime officially told the United Nations that the U.S. intends to pull out of the 2015 Paris climate pact.

When asked why they made the announcement, a spokesperson for the Трамп regime said, “We just wanted to remind people that we’re douchebags for a lot of reasons, and not just because we’re white supremacists.”

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Sergey Kislyak, Russia’s former ambassador to Washington, denied Saturday to Russian 24 channel’s “Press Conference” that he had discussed secrets or even the issue of sanctions with now-fired Tрамп regime national security adviser Michael Flynn.
gallery-1494377363-esq060117kislyak007a.jpg

When the host of “Press Conference” asked him to confirm that his was Sergey Kislyak, the ambassador said, “Nyet, my name is Steve Johanson, and I own a landscape gardening business in Pawtucket, Rhode Island.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

While Trump’s away, ‘much-needed’ White House renovations begin
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/04/politics/trump-white-house-renovations/index.html

U.S. Officially Tells U.N. It Wants out of Paris Climate Deal
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u-s-officially-tells-u-n-it-wants-out-paris-n789796

Former Russian ambassador Kislyak denies discussing secrets or sanctions with Michael Flynn
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/08/05/former-russian-ambassador-sergey-kislyak-denies-discussing-secrets-sanctions-mike-flynn/542311001/

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.04

 

Since General John Kelly took over as White House Chief of Staff, popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп has managed to stay on message all week, touting achievements instead of venting his anger on Twitter.

pTRU1-13357426enh-z6.jpg

The bar is now so low that in some circles, people have literally already forgotten his behavior from less than a week, and Трамп is thus, “more Presidential” thanks to the General.

Aides say that General Kelly is keeping Трамп in line by withholding ice-cream from him every time he’s naughty. This plan is expected to work until Трамп discovers where the ice-cream is stored in the White House.

 

Sources close to the White House have said that General Kelly is planning to install childproof locks on all White House freezers within the next week.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump keeps social media on-message during Kelly’s first week
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/04/politics/trump-tweets-on-message/index.html

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.03

 

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders admitted on Wednesday that popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп told two lies about two phone calls.

Lie #1 from Трамп was when he said, “Even the President of Mexico called me. Their southern border, they said very few people are coming because they know they’re not going to get to our border, which is the ultimate compliment.” This wasn’t true, Mexico never called him.

Lie #2 from Трамп was when he told the Wall Street Journal that, “I got a call from the head of the Boy Scouts saying it was the greatest speech that was ever made to them, and they were very thankful.” This wasn’t true, the Boy Scouts didn’t call him, either.

Reports say this is the phone Трамп was using when he took those calls.

download.jpeg

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The United States may cust costs for replacing the nation’s Air Force One fleet by using Boeing 747s that were originally built for a Russian airline. Meaning, that the next Air Force Once could have a direct Russia connection.

This is similar to the current Air Force One, which has a direct Russian connection in it whenever Donald Трамп flies in it.

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Senator Thom Tillis (R-NC) and Senator Chris Coons (D-DE) of the Senate Judiciary Committee plan to introduce legislation Thursday that would allow any special counsel for the Department of Justice to challenge his or her removal in court, with a review by a three-judge panel within 14 days of the challenge.

When informed of the news, Donald Трамп said, “We’ll see what my lawyer has to say about this, someone get me the Presidential Phone!”

download.jpeg

 

 

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Donald Trump just keeps lying
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/03/politics/donald-trump-mexico-boy-scouts-lies/index.html

Next Air Force One to come from 747s built for bankrupt Russian airline?
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/flights/todayinthesky/2017/08/03/next-air-force-one-come-747-s-built-bankrupt-russian-airline/535858001/

Senators Move to Protect Special Counsel in Russia Probe
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/senators-move-protect-special-counsel-russia-probe-n789161

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.02

The Трамп regime is readying resources in the Justice Department’s civil rights division for the purpose of suing schools in US higher education to hurt minority applicants by attacking affirmative action policies, The New York Times reported Tuesday.

When reminded that the purpose of the civil rights division was to fight for civil rights, not fight for white supremacy, Attorney General and Foghorn Leghorn impressionist Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III said, “Yeah, I know, but we’re racists. That’s our, I say, that’s our thing boy, we’re racists and we’re proud of it!”

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The U.S. military successfully test-launched a Minuteman III Intercontinental Ballistic Missile at 2.10pm from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California early Wednesday, according to an Air Force spokesman.

When asked why we did a test launch of an ICBM, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Well, North Korea just did a test launch of an ICBM, and Donald Трамп was feeling left out.”

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Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп told members at his Trump National Bedminster golf club he has spent so much time there recently because “that White House is a real dump,” Golf magazine reported Tuesday.

Also a real dump: Donald Трамп’s brain. He has a bad brain, folks. A really bad brain.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

NYT: Trump administration prepares to investigate ‘race-based discrimination’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/08/01/politics/nyt-trump-administration-affirmative-action/index.html

U.S. Test-Launches ICBM as Tensions Rise With North Korea
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/us-test-icbm-tensions-rise-north-korea-n788481

Trump thinks the ‘White House is a real dump,’ report says
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/01/trump-thinks-white-house-real-dump/531212001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.08.01

 

The White House worked with Fox News and a wealthy Republican donor to push a fake news story about the murder of Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich.

A White House aide said, “Yeah, totally, this is what we did, because we–” but was yanked out of the room by Jared Kushner before she could complete her sentence.

————

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп lashed out on Twitter, because of course he did, and threatened to make life harder for insurance companies, members of Congress and millions of Americans relying on Obamacare for coverage.

A Washington insider speaking from behind a curtain who wished to remain anonymous believes Трамп hopes that behaving this way accelerates the likelihood he’ll be Impeached and removed from office. “Pretty sure he just wants to go golfing. I mean, he literally goes almost every weekend.”

Reince Priebus then stepped out from behind the curtain accidentally and fell down a flight of stairs.

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Speaking of Twitter, one day after swearing in a new chief of staff, Donald Трамп has a message for the world: He won’t stop tweeting.

“Only the Fake News Media and Trump enemies want me to stop using Social Media (110 million people),” Trump said in a post Tuesday. “Only way for me to get the truth out!”

Reports say that General Kelly’s sigh after Трамп made his remarks could be heard in Wyoming.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Lawsuit: Fox News concocted Seth Rich story with oversight from White House
http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/01/media/rod-wheeler-seth-rich-fox-news-lawsuit/index.html

Health Care: President Trump’s Triple Threat
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/health-care-president-trump-s-triple-threat-n788321

After swearing in new chief of staff, Trump pledges: I won’t stop tweeting
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/01/after-hiring-new-chief-staff-trump-pledges-keep-tweeting/528553001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.07.31

 

Last week, the US Congress passed a bill imposing fresh sanctions over Russia’s meddling in the US’ 2016 election. And this week in response, President Vladimir Putin ordered the US to cut staff at its Russian embassy and forced some US diplomats home.

The White House had no comment on the matter, because White House Communications director Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci was busy preparing comments about his pending divorce from his wife for the morning talk shows. Some of those comments include, “Leave my family out of ‘dis,” “You come at me wit’ a knife, I come at you wit’ a gun, you put one a my guys in da’ hospital, I put one a your guys in da’ morgue, dat’s the White House way!,” and, “This ain’t personal, it’s business.”

There’s no word yet on precisely how many movies The Mooch plans to quote during his tenure in the White House.

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The White House’s commission on voter integrity begins work this week but is divided on the key question their tasked with answering: Is there widespread fraud at the ballot box?

One thing they all agree upon, though, is that there’s widespread fraud at the White House, but nobody is going to talk about that.

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Millions in anonymous donations are being sent directly to Super PACs supporting popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп, despite Трамп’s repeated calls to “drain the swamp” in Washington of special-interest money.

White House aides say that Трамп doesn’t see those anonymous donations as swamp water, instead noting that, “it’s more like, we’re getting champagne. Because seriously, with the amount of money we’re getting in, we could bathe in champagne.”

Sources say Melania Трамп is planning to spend the donation money on a new shower that sprays Moët & Chandon, while her husband Donald will spend the money watching different kinds of showers get sprayed.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Putin hits back at sanctions bill by gutting US missions
http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/30/politics/russia-us-diplomatic-missions/index.html

Trump Vote Fraud Commission Members Divided on Key Issue
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-vote-fraud-commission-hopelessly-divided-n785461

Secret donations are helping to boost President Trump’s agenda, fights with investigators
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/07/30/secret-donors-help-boost-trump-agenda-battles-investigators/516221001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.07.30

 

Australian police arrested 4 terrorists who planned to bring down an airplane recently. Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said he won’t raise Australia’s terrorism threat level in response. He plants to leave it at “probable,” the Prime Minister said, between “possible” and “expected.”

When asked why he won’t raise the threat level, Prime Minister Turnbull downed a whole can of Tooheys then said, “Raise the threat level? What are we, pansies like them yanks in the U.S.? Who do I look like, Donald Трамп? Look at the size of my hands!”

Turnbull then smashed the empty can on his head after killing a crocodile with his bare hands.

Some sources dispute the account, and say he killed an alligator.

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The U.S. successfully tested its Terminal High Altitude Area Defense (THAAD) system. Reports say that THAAD successfully intercepted a test missile near Kodiak, Alaska.

After being informed of the news, popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп said, “I want to thank Senator Thad Cochran. He’s a Republican Senator from Missouri, and unlike Democrats, Republicans like Thad know that if you see a missile, you say something, and you blow it up. So thank you Thad for blowing up that missile over Alaska. And Thad, if you want two scoops of ice cream, I’ll allow it. I’ll allow it. Come to the White House, you can have two scoops of ice cream. I’ll think about it. But great job blowing up that missile Thad. Maybe we should deploy you to North Korea! Hey, Mooch! MOOCH! Mooch, come here, let’s send Thad to North Korea, he can take care of those missile there. Mooch!”

Трамп eventually wandered off to watch “Bloodsport” in the bathroom.

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Cristiane “Cyborg” Justino won the 145-pound featherweight title by beating former champ Tonya Evinger via a TKO on Saturday.

Reports say that Donald Трамп wants to send “Cyborg” Justino to Syria because, “everybody knows that those special forces guys always win those martial arts tournaments, so, she must be the best. The BEST. Have you seen Bloodsport? Jean Claude Van Damme was a special forces guy in that. That’s what we’ll do, we’ll send Cyborg, Van Damme, we’ll send ‘em all over there. They’ll just kick ass–Where’s Mooch? Mooch will get it. Mooch. MOOCH! HEY MOOCH! Mooch, did you hear that the Prime Minister of Australia called us pansies, let’s send Cyborg and Thad AND Van Damme to go kick his ass! What do you think about that Mooch? HEY MOOCH!”

Aides say Трамп was still saying, “Mooch!” as he wandered out of the White House and was nearly struck by a delivery truck.

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Mooch! HEY MOOCH!

Anyway, have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Australian authorities arrest 4 in alleged airplane terrorist plot
http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/29/asia/australia-airplane-terror-plot/index.html

U.S. Conducts ‘Successful’ Test of THAAD Defense System With Ballistic Missile
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/u-s-conducts-test-thaad-defense-system-ballistic-missile-n787851

‘Cyborg’ Justino stops Tonya Evinger with TKO for featherweight title at UFC 214
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/ufc/2017/07/30/cristiane-cyborg-justino-tonya-evinger-ufc-214/523362001/

Donald Trump’s surprising list of favorite movies, TV shows, and music
http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trumps-favorite-pop-culture-movies-tv-books-music-2016-8

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.07.29

 

White House chief of staff Reince Priebus handed in his resignation to popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп yesterday.

Priebus has a new job lined up marketing his line of shampoo for dogs.

“Does your dog smell horrible? Try Reince Priebus to get your cocker-spaniel smelling great! Yes, Reince Priebus can get the stink out of anything!”

Sources say that Reince Priebus dog shampoo can’t actually get the stink out of anything.

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Retired Marine General and current Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly is the new White House chief of staff for Donald Трамп. Reports say he’s planning to inject discipline into the team.

An anonymous White House source said Трамп was really excited about the idea of injecting discipline, until he realized that it meant everyone was probably going to start doing push-ups in the morning.

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On Twitter yesterday, Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT) said, “I ran into John McCain as we walked underground to the Senate for the final vote. Someday I’ll get to tell my grandkids what he said to me.”

Aides said that McCain told Murphy, “When I die, my brain will get put into a robot powered by ice-cream.”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Priebus latest high-profile departure from Trump admin
http://www.cnn.com/2017/07/28/politics/reince-priebus-chief-of-staff/index.html

New White House chief of staff Kelly is a combat leader who will try to impose discipline
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/07/28/new-trump-chief-staff-john-kelly-general-who-can-impose-order/521899001/

I ran into John McCain as we walked underground to the Senate for the final vote. Someday I’ll get to tell my grandkids what he said to me.
https://twitter.com/ChrisMurphyCT/status/890810835408363520

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