YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.20

A woman says Senator Al Franken grabbed her butt in 2010 when she took a photo with him at the Minnesota State Fair.

Al Franken: Gross with women when he was a comedian AND a politician!

————

In a valley eight miles southeast of the Norwegian city of Tromsø, scientists just transmitted a message to aliens. The short message includes electronic music and a tutorial about geometry and the use of binary numbers.

Another group of scientists plan to transmit an even simpler message, “Send help.”

————

Barack Obama tweeted a birthday message to Joe Biden for his birthday.

Obama tweeted …

In response, aides say that Donald Трамп wants to tweet a picture of himself making out with Vice-President Mike Pence.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Woman says Franken inappropriately touched her in 2010
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/20/politics/al-franken-inappropriate-touch-2010/index.html

We just beamed a signal at space aliens. Was that a bad idea?
https://www.nbcnews.com/mach/science/we-just-beamed-signal-space-aliens-was-bad-idea-ncna822446

Former president Barack Obama wishes Joe Biden happy birthday — in meme form
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/11/20/former-president-barack-obama-wishes-joe-biden-happy-birthday-meme-form/881948001/

 


 

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

Advertisements

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.19

Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe gave a rambling televised speech to his country Sunday after receiving an ultimatum from his own party that said it would move to impeach him if he did not resign.

In related news, US President Donald Трамп literally gives a rambling televised speech every day in the United States, but there’s no sign that Republicans will move to impeach him.

————

Award-winning playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda and thousands of supporters streamed from the U.S. Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial Sunday shouting “Puerto Rico Se Levanta” (Puerto Rico Is Rising) to protest how Congress and the Trump administration have handled the island’s nearly two-month-old hurricane recovery.

Reports on the scene say that the waitlist for getting into the protest was at least a year long, but that people had a good chance to get into the protest if they stood in will-call.

————

The Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee voted 13-10 last week to approve a bill that would allow oil companies to drill in Alaska’s Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The full bill can now go the Republican Senate for a vote.

Political reporters at the Senate say that they include a provision that requires oil companies to randomly beat at least 2 baby harbor seals to death per day in order to increase the likelihood that the bill will be approved by Donald Трамп.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Zimbabwe’s Mugabe vows to stay in power despite pressure to resign
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/19/africa/zimbabwe-mugabe-party-meeting/index.html

‘You are not forgotten’: Lin-Manuel Miranda, thousands march for Puerto Rico recovery help
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/you-are-not-forgotten-lin-manuel-miranda-thousands-march-puerto-n821616

Congress moves to ‘drill, baby, drill’ in Alaska’s ANWR. Here’s what you should know
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/19/congress-moves-drill-baby-drill-alaska-anwr-refuge-heres-what-you-should-know/874187001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.18

A call to police about “shots fired” at a church in eastern Tennessee turned out to be an accidental shooting during a discussion on using weapons to protect the congregation, police say.

Church members say that this is a clear sign that during a shooting event, God probably wants them to shoot each other.

When asked for a comment, God sighed and said, “I’m, look, I’m retired. The Deists are right, I’m working on a new project now, quit asking me about these goofballs on Earth.”

————

AC/DC co-founder Malcolm Young died today at age 64. And 70s heart-throb David Cassidy was hospitlized in critical condition for organ failure.

Meanwhile, Keith Richards drank a gallon of gasoline and was then run over by a car before playing a full concert.

Richards later plans on letting a shark eat him, “Just to see what happens when I come out the otherside.”

————

The Трамп regime threatened to close the Washington D.C. office of the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) office in Washington. The latest tensions could be a setback for Jared “The Kush” Kushner’s attempt to broker Middle East peace.

The biggest setback for Middle East peace, however, is that the efforts are being led by Jared Kushner.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Couple shot in church while discussing gun safety, police say
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/18/us/tennessee-couple-shot-in-church/index.html

AC/DC co-founder Malcolm Young dies at 64
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/ac-dc-co-founder-malcolm-young-dies-64-n822081

David Cassidy hospitalized with organ failure, needs liver transplant
https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/david-cassidy-hospitalized-organ-failure-needs-liver-transplant-n822121

State Department threatens to close PLO office in Washington
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/18/state-department-threatens-close-plo-office-washington/877625001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.17

Human cow-pie factory Donald Трамп recently claimed that that President Barrack Obama’s plane “came close but it didn’t land” in the Philippines last year because of “horrible” relations between the countries.

In reality, Obama was scheduled to land in Laos, but cancelled the trip after Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte, whose anti-drug crusade has led to the extrajudicial killings of thousands of people since taking office, called him a “son of a bitch.”

In Трамп’s defense, he honestly believes that Laos and the Philippines are the same country. I mean, look at his hair, he honestly believes that people think it’s real!

————

The Trump Ocean Club International Hotel and Tower, situated in Panama City, shaped like a sail and designed to be one of the tallest buildings in Latin America was built with funds from internationally based organized crime families.

Also built with funds from international organized crime, Трамп’s Presidency!

————

Italian doctor Sergio Canavero announced Friday that he will perform the world’s first human head transplant in China because medical communities in the United States and Europe would not permit the controversial procedure.

Several U.S. citizens were in favor of the procedure, but only if the first patient to get a head transplant was Donald Трамп.

————

If Donald Трамп gets a head a transplant, he should replace his brain with his butt.

He’d gain at least 50 IQ points!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Fact Check: Trump’s bizarre plane story
http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/11/16/fact-check-donald-trump-barack-obama-philippines-orig-cs.cnn

A Panama tower carries Trump’s name and ties to organized crime
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/investigations/panama-tower-carries-trump-s-name-ties-organized-crime-n821706

Italian doctor says world’s first human head transplant ‘imminent’
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/17/italian-doctor-says-worlds-first-human-head-transplant-imminent/847288001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.16

Senate judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley and ranking member Dianne Feinstein sent a letter Thursday to Jared Kushner’s attorney requesting more information about his security clearance and Трамп campaign collusion with Russia in the 2016 election.

After reading the letter, Kushner’s attorneys replied by running out of the room.

————

The House passed a nearly $1.5 trillion tax bill on Thursday that would slash tax rates on corporations and private businesses, overhaul the individual tax code and eliminate taxes on wealthy heirs.

The House plans on later eating sushi wrapped in dollar bills off of the bodies of naked children, because they’re literally cartoonish supervillains at this point.

————

Jerry Jones asked NFL owners for a special meeting to discuss the contract of Commissioner Roger Goodell, and was denied, according to a report from the New York Times.

The Dallas Cowboys owner has been pushing to slow the negotiations between the league and Goodell since August, when the commissioner suspended Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott over alleged domestic abuse.

Sources say that Jones would prefer that players who beat women just get a fine, and that black players who take a knee over police violence get suspended.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Senate judiciary committee requests more information on Kushner
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/16/politics/senate-judiciary-committee-dianne-feinstein-chuck-grassley-jared-kushner-russia/index.html

House passes $1.5 trillion tax bill, cuts rates for individuals and businesses
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/report-senate-gop-bill-would-raise-taxes-middle-class-n821396

NFL denies Jerry Jones’ call for emergency owners meeting, per report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/2017/11/16/nfl-denies-jerry-jones-call-emergency-owners-meeting/872845001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.15

House Democrats introduced articles of impeachment Wednesday against President Donald Trump, though they acknowledged their efforts have no chance of success while Republicans control both houses of Congress.

In response, Donald Трамп plans on tweeting about North Korea to pull focus away from their action.

————

Philadelphia scored a legal victory in its fight to keep federal funding Wednesday after a judge issued a preliminary injunction barring the Justice Department from withholding more than $1 million in crime-fighting aid over the city’s so-called sanctuary city policies.

In response, Donald Трамп plans on extending his Wall project to also completely surround Philadelphia.

“NOBODY LIKES CREAM CHEESE!” Трамп screamed from the toilet.

————

Pyongyang’s state media slammed Трамп for insulting North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Un while on a five country tour of Asia. It said the American president, who Kim has feuded with for months, deserves the death penalty.

In response, most Americans would prefer that Трамп just get a life sentence in prison.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

House Dems introduce articles of impeachment against Trump
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/15/politics/cohen-articles-of-impeachment/index.html

Philadelphia scores legal victory in sanctuary city funding fight
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/philadelphia-scores-legal-victory-sanctuary-city-funding-fight-n821101

North Korea on Trump’s Asia visit: He deserves death
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/11/15/north-korea-trumps-asia-visit-he-deserves-death/865390001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.14

According to a count maintained by The Washington Post’s Fact Checker and updated Tuesday morning, Donald Трамп has lied 1,628 times during his 298 days in office. That’s an average of 5.5 a day.

Donald Трамп responded to the story by planning to increase his daily lie count to at least “6 or 7.”

————

The House Natural Resources Committee slammed Puerto Rican officials for awarding a no-bid energy contract to Whitefish Energy Holdings. Whitefish has ties to the Трамп regime.

“You guys are supposed to wait until news coverage is OVER before doing stuff like this!” one Congressman was heard to say before his microphone was hastily turned off.
————

Robert Kehler, former commander of the United States Strategic Command, urged the Senate on Tuesday to proceed with caution when looking for ways to limit Donald Трамп’s authority to launch a nuclear attack.

“Conflicting signals can result in loss of confidence, confusion or paralysis in the operating forces at a critical moment,” said Kehler.

Democratic lawmakers responded by saying, “THAT’S WHY WE WANT TO LIMIT HIS POWER NO DUH!”

————

Basically, there’s never a good reason to launch a nuclear war; the fact that we have Generals in the 21st century arguing about why we need that capability at all is just another sign of how crazy everything is right now.

Another sign is how many articles I’ve read this morning all about how to make that Cthurkey thing where you stuff crab legs into a perfectly good turkey.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Donald Trump says something that isn’t true 5.5 times a day. Every day.
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/14/politics/trump-fact-checker-1628/index.html

Congressional Committees Slam Puerto Rico Officials Over Controversial Energy Contract
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/congressional-committees-slam-puerto-rico-officials-over-controversial-energy-contract-n820811

Retired general, others urge caution in limiting president’s power to order nuclear strike
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/14/trump-critic-bob-corker-lead-senate-hearing-presidents-powers-order-nuclear-attack/860142001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.13

Donald Трамп Jr. has released exchanges he had with the Julian Assange via the WikiLeaks Twitter account by direct messages during the 2016 presidential campaign.

Some of the messages Трамп Jr. sent to Assange included …

 

  • What are you wearing?
  • God my dad is a TOOL!
  • please delete the pee tape lol
  • Do u think I’m weird for thinking Hillary is hot?

————

An Alabama woman on Monday accused Roy Moore, the state’s Republican nominee for U.S. Senate, of sexual assault, alleging that he attacked her behind the restaurant where she worked when she was 16 and he was 30.

The revelation is expected to increase Moore’s approval rating by +35% with Alabama evangelical Christians.

————

After jurors slipped a note to court officials saying they were deadlocked on criminal corruption charges against Senator Bob Menendez, the judge told them to go home and return Tuesday with a new outlook.

The jurors decided to take his advice and have a spa day. When they returned to court, they were too hung-over to decide anything, so the case has been postponed a week.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Donald Trump Jr. releases exchanges with WikiLeaks
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/13/politics/wikileaks-donald-trump-jr-2016-election/index.html

Woman Says Roy Moore Sexually Assaulted Her When She Was 16
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/woman-says-roy-moore-sexually-assaulted-her-when-she-was-n820446

Menendez trial jurors say they’re deadlocked; judge says sleep on it
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/11/13/bob-menendez-trial-jurors/860597001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.12

Alabama Senate candidate and child molestor Roy Moore told an audience of child molestation supporters that he denied giving alcohol to minors or was guilty of sexual misconduct. The Washington Post detailed allegations by 30 people that Moore pursued sexual relationships with girls between the ages of 14 and 18 years old when he was in his 30s.

Moore then reminded the audience, “consent in our great state is 16, so technically it’s legal what I did to a couple of them girls.”

————

Republican Senator Pat Toomey of Pennsylvania said Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore should “step aside” from his campaign while on “Meet The Press.”

“You know, this is a terrible situation, nearly 40-year-old allegation, we’ll probably never know for sure exactly what happened,” Toomey said.

Toomey suggested instead that sexual harassment has no place in the U.S. Senate, but does fit in at the White House.

Toomey may plan to run for the Presidency in 2020 under the slogan, “Just as Much Sexual Assault as Трамп, but in a Cowboy Hat!”

————

Fiat Chrysler Automobiles has shipped the 2018 Dodge Demons to car dealers. The National Hot Rod Association certified it as the world’s first street-legal drag racing car. The Demon has 840 horsepower and gets 16 miles per gallon.

Fiat Chrysler Automobiles also shipped the new slogan for the Dodge Demon, “Finally, a Car For Real Buttheads.”

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Roy Moore: Allegations are ‘desperate attempt to stop my political campaign’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/11/politics/roy-moore-allegations/index.html

Sen. Toomey: Roy Moore Should ‘Step Aside’
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/sen-toomey-roy-moore-should-step-aside-n820011

Controversial 840-horsepower Dodge Demon heads to dealers
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2017/11/12/controversial-840-horsepower-dodge-demon-heads-dealers/856103001/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …

YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.11.11

Donald Трамп said he believed Putin that Russian intelligence services didn’t interfere in the US presidential election last year. Multiple US intelligence agencies say they did. Putin’s spokesman said election meddling did not come up when they spoke, even though Трамп said it did.

Sources on the scene say that Трамп told them Putin later sold him a deed to the entire borough of Brooklyn.

Трамп plans to rename ‘Brooklyn’ to ‘Melaniaville’ in early 2018.

————

North Korea slammed Donald Трамп Saturday accusing him of being a “destroyer” and having “begged” for nuclear war during his first trip to Asia.

White House aides denied the accusation, and said the only thing Трамп begged for during his trip was sex workers who needed to pee.

————

USA Today reported that five big brands may be out of business within the next year, including Kmart, The Limited, Mattel, J.C. Penny, and Bed Bath & Beyond.

Before we could ask for a comment, USA Today went out of business.

————

You can still buy USA Today, the website is still up and everything!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump says he believes Putin’s election meddling denials
http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/11/politics/president-donald-trump-vladimir-putin-election-meddling/index.html

North Korea Says Trump ‘Begged’ For Nuclear War During Asia Trip
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/north-korea-says-trump-begged-nuclear-war-during-asia-trip-n819926

Retail woes: 5 big brands that may not be around much longer
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/retail/2017/11/10/5-big-brands-that-wont-be-around-much-longer/107523456/

————

Catch up back issues of YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA on …