YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.06

Comedian D.L. Hughley made the news when he noted that it’s easier to buy guns than it is to buy the cold medication Sudafed. Sudafed is regulated because pseudoephedrine, the active ingredient in some forms of the medication, can be used to create the street drug methamphetamine, or crystal meth.

In response, Congress is planning to enact the, “D.L. Hughley Can’t Talk About Sudafed Act,” to prevent comedians from pointing out this inconsistency for at least 30 days after a national tragedy due to gun violence.

“It’s too soon to talk about anything related to gun control,” said Paul Ryan on an endless loop as he wandered the halls of Congress.

————

White House chief of staff General John Kelly cancelled plans to travel with Donald Трамп on Wednesday so he could contain his boss’s fury over Secretary of State Rex Tillerson calling him a, “moron.”

General Kelly is planning to prepare 6 bowls of ice-cream to coax Трамп out of his room. Reports say that Kelly is hoping to trade the ice-cream for the Nuclear Football.

————

White House officials believe John Kelly’s personal cellphone was hacked in December 2016, according to three U.S. government officials. The discovery raises concerns that hackers or foreign governments may have had access to data on Kelly’s phone while he was secretary of Homeland Security and after he joined the West Wing.

While on a call with reporters, when asked whether his phone had been hacked, someone on General Kelly’s phone said, “нет,” and then someone hung-up the phone.

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Is it easier to buy guns than Sudafed?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/06/health/guns-sudafed-regulation/index.html

Tillerson Summoned to White House Amid Presidential Fury
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/tillerson-summoned-white-house-amid-presidential-fury-n808216

John Kelly’s personal cellphone was compromised, White House believes
http://www.politico.com/story/2017/10/05/john-kelly-cell-phone-compromised-243514

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.05

Senator Bob Corker (R-Tennessee) said suggested Wednesday that General John Kelly and James Mattis, as well as Secretary of State Rex Tillerson are the “people that help separate our country from chaos.”

When asked who best represented chaos in Washington D.C., Corker coughed and pointed at a picture of Donald Трамп several times.

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Donald Трамп met Wednesday with surviving victims of the Las Vegas shooting at University Medical Center in the city and left a message for the victims. “We’re with you 100 percent …And believe me, I’ll be there for them,” he promised.

After hearing the news, most victims are expecting to be abandoned within the week.

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An investigation conducted by the Associated Press has found that North Korean slave labor has been used in the preparation of salmon sold in Walmart and other stores in the United States. North Korea exports slave labor to countries around the world, then uses the revenue to support its nuclear weapons programs.

Experts in the Трамп regime are currently working on ways to get the Трамп brand in on that game. “Maybe Donald Трамп could have his own, private nuclear weapons if he does the same thing? We’d be able to take care of that North Korea problem pretty quick with private nuclear weapons!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Bob Corker just told the world what he really thinks of Donald Trump
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/04/politics/bob-corker-trump/index.html

After Las Vegas Shooting, Trump Says America ‘A Nation In Mourning’
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/las-vegas-shooting/trump-meets-shooting-survivors-las-vegas-hospital-honors-their-bravery-n807441

North Koreans prepping seafood for U.S. stores, restaurants
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/10/05/north-koreans-prepping-seafood-us/734560001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.04

The Justice Department released hundreds of decades-old internal legal memos that conclude the President is legally barred from appointing a relative to a position in the White House after receiving several Freedom of Information Act requests for the material. In January of this year, deputy assistant attorney general Daniel Koffsky reversed this legal position in January, finding the anti-nepotism law covers only appointments in an “executive” agency and that the White House Office is not such an agency under the law.

“In choosing his personal staff, the President enjoys an unusual degree of freedom, which Congress found suitable to the demands of his office,” wrote Koffsky.

When asked if there’s a policy that prevents the President from hiring white supremacists and white nationalists, Koffsky said, “No, of course not you fool!”

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Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was on the verge of resigning this past summer. Tensions came to a head after a July 20 meeting at the Pentagon with members of Donald Трамп’s national security team and Cabinet officials went poorly. Tillerson had openly disparaged Трамп, referring to him as a “moron,” after the meeting.

Aides said they heard Tillerson crying in the bathroom just a few days ago, lamenting his situation. “All I want to do is secure a deal with the Russian government so Exxon can make a bunch of money drilling for oil in the arctic,” Tillerson said while sitting on the toilet.

To make amends and get Tillerson and Трамп back on the same page, aides say they plan to try and get Трамп to buy stock in Exxon Mobil.

————

Jared Kushner and daughter Ivanka Трамп routed their personal email accounts to computers run by the Trump Organization as public scrutiny intensified over their use of private emails to conduct White House business, internet registration records show.

Various news outlets are planning to run this story 24/7 for the next year as soon as they can find an email sent to either Kushner or Трамп by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DOJ releases slew of memos lobbying against presidential appointments for family
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/03/politics/doj-old-anti-nepotism-olc-memos/index.html

Tillerson’s Fury at Trump Required an Intervention From Pence
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/tillerson-s-fury-trump-required-intervention-pence-n806451

Exclusive: Jared Kushner’s personal email re-routed to Trump Organization computers amid public scrutiny
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/10/03/exclusive-jared-kushners-personal-email-moved-trump-organization-computers-amid-public-scrutiny/728467001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.03

The murderer who killed 59 people and injured 527 others in Las Vegas from his 32nd-floor hotel suite at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino had 23 weapons in the room including a handgun, and multiple rifles with scopes on them.

When asked how someone was able to get 23 weapons into a hotel room, a spokesperson for Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino said, “Well, he was a white guy, so …” before being whisked out of the room.
————

The people of Puerto Rico are exasperated with Donald Трамп, and expressed anger over how late his arrival has been.

“He’s pretty late,” Bethsaida Colón said Monday as she waited in a wheelchair in line at the airport, bound for New York. “His general came here eight days late.”

A spokesperson for the Трамп regime said, “Important people always come to the party late. New York rule, it’s a common New York rule, people in New York are always late for parties, so, if you want to blame Donald Трамп being late, let’s put the blame where it belongs, it’s New York’s fault that Donald Трамп is late, thank you.”

The spokesperson then burst into flames.

————

Tom Petty died Monday evening from a heart attack. He was 66 years old.

Officials in the Трамп regime are hopeful that Petty’s death will dominate headlines for a few days until, “this whole gun control AND Puerto Rico thing blows over.”

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Las Vegas investigation finds more weapons, but shooter’s motive unknown
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/03/us/las-vegas-shooting-investigation/index.html

Puerto Ricans Hope President Trump Gets an Eyeful of Devastation During Visit
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/puerto-ricans-hope-trump-gets-eyeful-devastation-during-visit-n807021

Remembering Tom Petty, American icon and eternal rock ‘n’ roll underdog
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2017/10/03/remembering-tom-petty-death-american-icon-and-eternal-rock-n-roll-underdog/724818001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.02

Donald Трамп called the recent massacre of over 50 people in Las Vegas an “act of pure evil.”

Also an act of pure evil, Congress is about to pass a law making it easier for people who commit mass shootings to buy silencers, but nobody is describing that as such.

Another act of pure evil is allowing the people of Puerto Rico to suffer needlessly.

None of those are punchlines. Sorry.

————

The man who murdered 50 people and maimed 400 others in a rain of automatic weapons fire from a hotel room in Las Vegas has left his family shocked. There was nothing in his character that indicated a predilication to violence.

I mean, just because you stockpile a bunch of automatic weapons, ammunition, and such, that doesn’t make you dangerous!

————

In related news, shares of stock from gun manufacturers Storm Ruger (RGR) and American Outdoor Brands (AOBC)  jumped 5% in early trading Monday after the mass shooting in Las Vegas.

Republicans are hopeful that words of sadness will mask their efforts to allow mass shootings and the gun industry to continue to flourish in the United States.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump on Las Vegas massacre: ‘An act of pure evil’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/10/02/politics/donald-trump-las-vegas-shooting-remarks/index.html

House GOP set to approve bill that could make mass shootings deadlier
https://thinkprogress.org/gun-silencer-vote-a6d777b63eb0/

Las Vegas Shooter Stephen Paddock Had Recent Large Gambling Transactions
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/las-vegas-shooting/stephen-paddock-las-vegas-shooting-suspect-identified-n806471

Gun stocks on rise after Las Vegas mass shooting
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2017/10/02/gun-stocks-rise-after-las-vegas-mass-shooting/722538001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.10.01

Following Donald Трамп’s Saturday morning Twitter attacks on San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz, “Hamilton” creator Lin-Manuel Miranda told Трамп, “You’re going straight to hell, @realDonaldTrump. No long lines for you. Someone will say, ‘Right this way, sir.’ They’ll clear a path.”

The White House denied Miranda’s assertion, and insist Трамп will go to Mar-A-Lago first for meatloaf before any other trips.

————

Officials with FEMA told news agencies Saturday that progress is being made in Puerto Rico to restore water, gasoline and communications to the hurricane-battered island.

Local residents in Puerto Rico sighed when they heard the news and said, “Well, FEMA says a lot of things …”

————

O.J. Simpson was freed from prison Sunday after serving nine years for a botched hotel-room heist in Las Vegas.

Simpson is reportedly in line to be the new Health and Human Services Secretary for the Трамп regime. “Ben Carson needs a buddy!” Трамп reportedly said from the bathroom stall of his favorite toilet in the West Wing of the White House.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Lin-Manuel Miranda to Trump: ‘You’re going straight to hell’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/30/politics/lin-manuel-miranda-donald-trump-puerto-rico-tweets/index.html

FEMA Says Puerto Rico Recovery Making Progress, but Long Waits for Supplies Continue
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/fema-says-puerto-rico-recovery-making-progress-long-waits-supplies-n806266

Prison official: O.J. Simpson freed on parole
https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/2017/09/30/oj-simpson-prison-release-nevada/720765001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.30

The Трамп regime has named Don Wright to acting head of the Department of Health and Human Services following Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price’s resignation Friday afternoon.

Don Wright is expected to resign as Health and Human Services Secretary by April.

————

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said Saturday that he was “probing” for potential dialogue with Pyongyang. Tillerson told reporters that, “We have lines of communications to Pyongyang.”

Meanwhile, it’s clear that Donald Трамп has lines of something whenever he goes into the bathroom. Man, that guy sniffs a lot during speeches, y’know?

————

Donald Трамп complained about the leadership abilities of Carmen Yulin Cruz, the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, because she’s not being nice to him. Трамп is upset that Cruz has complained about the slow response of the Federal Government to the crisis in Puerto Rico and is unhappy that she, “must be nasty to Trump.”

In related news, Donald Трамп is expected to sweep the 2017, “Jerkoff the Year Awards.” He’s been nominated in all 73 categories!

————

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Who is Don Wright?
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/29/politics/hhs-don-wright/index.html

U.S. Has ‘Lines of Communication’ with North Korea, Tillerson Says
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/u-s-has-lines-communication-north-korea-tillerson-says-n806186

Trump blasts Puerto Rican mayor for ‘poor leadership’ in hurricane relief crisis
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/30/trump-blasts-puerto-rican-mayor-poor-leadership-hurricane-relief-crisis/719429001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.29

Officials of the Трамп Regime are demanding the private account information of potentially thousands of Facebook users in three separate search warrants served on the social media giant, according to court documents obtained by CNN. The warrants specifically target users who are described by their attorneys as “anti-administration activists who have spoken out at organized events, and who are generally very critical of this administration’s policies.”

One of those users, Emmelia Talarico, operated the disruptj20 page where Inauguration Day protests were organized and discussed.

When confronted with the fact that the Трамп Regime is specifically targetting the free speech rights of American citizens to quell dissent, White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Yes, that is correct, that is exactly what we’re doing, uh no doy. NO DOY PEOPLE!” then walked off the stage.

————

Donald Трамп complained again recently about a Watergate-era reform law that prohibits American companies from bribing foreign government officials. The law in question is one that could ensare Paul Manafort.

Officials of the Трамп Regime are planning to request Congress introduce legislation that would exempt the Трамп brand from the law.

Huh. That last one doesn’t look like a punchline.

————

The Senate Intelligence Committee said President Trump’s adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner failed to disclose that he had used a private email address to conduct official White House business.

When asked why he didn’t disclose the private email, Kushner said, “Well, like, in some of those I was, like, talking about that pee tape thing with my wife, and like, I didn’t want anyone to know that I knew about–” before being whisked out of the room by the Secret Service.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

DOJ demands Facebook information from ‘anti-administration activists’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/28/politics/facebook-anti-administration-activists/index.html

Law Trump Hated Could Ensnare Manafort
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/law-trump-hated-could-ensnare-manafort-n805726

Jared Kushner didn’t disclose personal email account to Senate Intel committee: report
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/09/28/jared-kushner-failed-disclose-personal-email-account-senate-intel-committee/714157001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.28

Republican Representative Steve Scalise, who was shot in June at a congressional baseball team practice, returned to Capitol Hill Thursday for the first time. He received a standing ovation and an extended session of applause from members of Congress.

Political observers fully expect him to stay on course to support legislation that will continue to allow other people to be shot. “Why should I be the only one to get thunderous applause after surviving a shooting? Gun control means no applause if you live,” Scaliest told reporters.

In related news, a teenager near my neighborhood was shot in the ankle a few days ago. It’s unclear at this time if Congress plans to applaud the teen’s eventual return to school.

————

The Трамп Regime announced Thursday that it had waived the Jones Act, a nearly century-old shipping law that doubles the cost of shipping hurricane relief supplies to Puerto Rico.

“At @ricardorossello request, @POTUS has authorized the Jones Act be waived for Puerto Rico. It will go into effect immediately,” White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders tweeted this morning.

Still on the books – deporting children! No sign Трамп is going to budge on that one.

————

A “fatberg” made up of grease, fat, wet wipes and other garbage that slowly grew in a Baltimore sewer main is the culprit of the release of more than 1 million gallons of sewage into a Maryland stream last week.

Most local residents were frightened by the “fatberg” although a few weren’t and assumed that it was just Steve Bannon dropping by for a visit.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Steve Scalise returns to Congress, says he is ‘a living example that miracles really do happen’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/28/us/vieques-cut-off-after-hurricane-maria/index.html

Save Our Streets Brooklyn
https://www.facebook.com/sosbrooklyn/photos/a.1531457463756948.1073741833.1522581517977876/1984464398456250/?type=3&theater

White House Waives Jones Act to Help Storm-Ravaged Puerto Rico
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/puerto-rico-crisis/white-house-waives-jones-act-help-storm-ravaged-puerto-rico-n805436

‘Fatberg’ of grease, wipes blamed in Baltimore sewer overflow
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2017/09/28/fatberg-grease-wipes-blamed-baltimore-sewer-overflow/711574001/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.27

Popular vote loser, Russian supported Presidential candidate and aspiring dictator Donald Трамп threatened war with North Korea this morning, threatening to use “devastating” military action over the movement of a small number of North Korean fighter jets, external fuel tanks and air-to-air missiles to a base on the hermit kingdom’s eastern coast.

CNN described the warning as “familiar” this morning, treating the news as casual and ordinary.

CNN is later planning to publish a story today, “Is the News Media normalizing Donald Трамп’s behavior? We don’t think so, but what do you think? Click here to subscribe.”

————

Carmen Yulin Cruz, mayor of Puerto Rico’s capital city San Juan, asked for urgent help as she expressed frustration with the speed at which rescuers were being set to work on the hurricane-ravaged U.S. territory.

“This is a big S.O.S for anybody out there,” Carmen Yulin Cruz told MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow on Tuesday night, “a plea for this help, which is right here, to get moving.”

Aides to the Трамп regime said that Donald Трамп reportedly has, “help Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands,” on his to-do list, but has a few more pressing concerns to deal with, first.

Among these ahead of helping victims in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands are …

 

  • Complain about the NFL
  • Delete Tweets that make him look stupid
  • Threaten North Korea
  • New Strategy to Take Away Health Care from Poor People
  • Dump Ivanka and Jared from Will
  • Ask Donald Трамп Jr. how his meeting with Russian buddies went while Secret Service protection was turned off
  • Get Ice Cream
  • Anonymously Send Steve Bannon can of moldy spam with note that says, “You!”
  • Ask Jeff Sessions about ‘what’s going on with you and the blacks?’
  • Ask Ben Carson about Football.
  • Get Barron a haircut, use cuttings to weave into my own hair
  • Get Facial?
  • Get “Other kind of” Facial?
  • Golfing!
  • Eat meatloaf.
  • Get Ice cream again.

 

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The Трамп regime denied a request Tuesday to suspend shipping restrictions that would allow more fuel and emergency supplies to reach Puerto Rico.

When asked why they’re doing that, a White House spokesperson said, “Because we’re jerks. I mean, why are you guys asking this kind of thing, now? It’s always the same answer. We’re jerks.”

————

PBS has a good article about relief you can get to Puerto Rico, please read it, and find an organization you can help!

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Trump warns of ‘devastating’ military option as North Korea moves jets
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/26/politics/trump-north-korea-moves-fighters-missiles-fuel-tanks/index.html

Mayor Issues ‘S.O.S.’ as Puerto Ricans Scramble to Help Most Vulnerable
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/puerto-ricans-scramble-help-most-vulnerable-residents-supplies-dwindle-n805006

Why Puerto Rico is being denied shipping deliveries of fuel
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/09/27/trump-administration-denies-request-ease-shipping-fuel-deliveries-puerto-rico/707448001/

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