YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.09.15

CNN reported multiple acts of bravery during the destruction caused by Tropical Storm Florence throughout the United States. These included rescues from the Crisis Civilian Response Team in North Carolina, a 47-year old Marine who rescued people in his off-road military vehicle, and a crowd-funding campaign to help rescue a group of dogs.

Upon hearing the news, Donald Трамп told reporters, “Hey I rescued people, too, I rescued the MOST people. No one rescued more people than me, or has bigger hands, I picked up all the water from the flood myself. I bravely stopped the flood. You’re welcome.”

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Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said Friday that former Secretary of State John Kerry was “actively undermining” U.S. policy on Iran by meeting several times recently with the Iranian foreign minister. Pompeo called Kerry’s meetings with Iran “unseemly and unprecedented” and “beyond inappropriate.”

In related news, a person in Buffalo, NY, exploded into a puddle of goo after their brain refused to process the hypocrisy of calling John Kerry “unseemly” and “inappropriate” after Donald Трамп paid off former porn-stars to keep his affairs with them quiet.

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USA Today reported that while wages are flat for most people, in some cities, wages are rising fast, creating boomtowns where people are flooding in. Among the boomtowns listed are San Francisco, Spokane, and Des Moines!

Upon hearing the news, Donald Трамп told his staff, “Hey, there’s more boomtowns, what about that city in Massachusetts, a bunch of wells exploded, that’s a boomtown, too. Fake News is underreporting boomtowns. Most boomtowns. No collusion!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

With Florence’s death and destruction came acts of bravery and selflessness
https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/15/us/hurricane-florence-rescues/index.html

Trump, Pompeo bash ex-Secretary of State John Kerry on Iran talks
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/trump-pompeo-bash-ex-secretary-state-kerry-iran-talks-n909866

Americans are flocking to U.S. ‘boom towns’ where wages are rising fast
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/economy/2018/09/15/salary-rising-boom-town-cities/1278638002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.09.08

CNN reported today that Officials in the Трамп regime met secretly with Venezuelan military officers who were plotting a coup against Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro.

It’s unclear at this time on whether they were offering or looking for advice.

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Last night, hip hop artist Cardi B was removed from a New York Fashion Week party after insulting Nicki Minaj.

Meanwhile, Donald Трамп has insulted literally the entire country multiple times and has yet to be removed from the White House.

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In South Dakota, Donald Трамп called for new libel laws during a rally to raise money for Republican Senatorial candidates.

Трамп wants Republicans to, “… Create some libel laws that when people say stuff bad about you, you could sue them!”

It’s unclear at this time if Трамп has a sense of irony.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US met with Venezuela officers plotting coup
https://www.cnn.com/videos/world/2018/09/08/us-govt-venezuela-coup-plans-diamond-nr-vpx.cnn

Cardi B escorted out of fashion party after lunging at Nicki Minaj
https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/pop-culture-news/cardi-b-escorted-out-fashion-party-after-lunging-minaj-n907731

Trump goes to South Dakota, rails against media and calls for new libel laws
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2018/09/08/trump-noem-fundraiser-thune-rounds-new-libel-laws/1238366002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.08.24

Attorneys for spy Maria Butina argued in a recent court filing she should be released from jail and placed on house arrest.

When asked where her house was, Butina said, “Russia.”

From an unspecified time in 2008, Sarah Palin claimed she could see Butina’s house.

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Allen Weisselberg, chief financial officer of the Трамп Organization, was given immunity by federal prosecutors in New York related to Michael Cohen breaking numerous campaign finance laws at the behest of Donald Трамп.

Prosecutors said they would do their best to also make Weisselberg immune to bullets.

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General Mills ordered its division to drop ‘100% Natural’ on Nature Valley granola bars after a lawsuit revealed the bars contain cancer-causing pesticides.

In related news, General John F. Kelly ordered White House officials to drop ‘100% Natural’ from any claims made about Donald Трамп’s hair.

In unrelated news, aids for Attorney General Jeff Sessions are 100% certain he’s an elf.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Accused Russian spy Maria Butina asks for house arrest
https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/24/politics/maria-butina-house-arrest-text-messages/index.html

Trump Org CFO Allen Weisselberg given immunity by prosecutors to testify
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/trump-org-cfo-allen-weisselberg-given-immunity-prosecutors-testify-n903566

General Mills drops ‘100% Natural’ on Nature Valley granola bars after lawsuit
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/nation-now/2018/08/24/general-mills-drops-100-percent-natural-nature-valley/1082709002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.27

On July 31st, Justice Anthony Kennedy, a conservative Supreme Court justice, will retire

On July 8th, Donald J. Трамп, a lunatic conman under criminal investigation, will nominate his replacement.

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The Justice Department has approved the merger of Disney and Fox.

Coming to the Disney Channel in July 2019, Fox & Friends featuring Bill O’Reilly and Mickey Mouse!

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USA Today reported that armed robbers tortured a 7-year old boy in Texas during a home invasion.

When informed about the news, Donald J. Трамп exclaimed, “Torturing children in Texas! That’s ICE’s job!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Justice Anthony Kennedy to retire from Supreme Court
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/27/politics/anthony-kennedy-retires/index.html

U.S. Justice Department approves Fox-Disney deal
https://www.nbcnews.com/card/u-s-justice-department-approves-fox-disney-deal-n887011

Armed robbers torture 7-year-old boy during Texas home invasion
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/06/27/robbers-torture-7-year-old-boy-during-texas-home-invasion/737368002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.22

The Supreme Court ruled today that police forces in the United States can’t track you without a  court order.

In related news, police in the U.S. plan to still harass people mercilessly if they aren’t white.

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CNN reported that 42% of Americans are ready to impeach Donald J. Трамп. In 1974, 43% of Americans were ready to impeach Richard Nixon.

In related news, it looks like 100% of Americans are ready for summer! Haha, everything is terrible!

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Speaking of Summer, USA Today writer Tom Krattenmaker is telling readers to take a real vacation by leaving Donald J. Трамп and Washington outrage at home!

If you’re a USA Today reader who’s an immigrant stuck in a Трамп immigrant internment camp, Tom Krattenmaker would like to tell you, “Lalala I can’t hear you I’m on vacay!”

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Supreme Court says police can’t use your cellphone to track you without a court order
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/supreme-court/supreme-court-says-police-can-t-use-your-phone-track-n873156

There’s nearly a Nixon ’74 level of public support for impeaching Trump
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/22/politics/impeach-trump-nixon-support-bill-clinton-poll/index.htm

Take a real vacation. Leave Donald Trump and Washington outrage at home.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/06/22/leave-donald-trump-washington-outrage-behind-summer-vacation-column/710608002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.06.19

Antar Davidson, a former employee of one of 26 immigrant children’s prisons in Texas, Arizona and California, told CNN that he was ordered to separate frightened children hugging each other.

When asked for comment, Southern stereotype and walking Elmer Fudd impression Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III said that the policy was enacted because signs of genuine human contact make Donald Трамп uncomfortable.

According to Sessions, “(He) prefers it when people pay each other first.”

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Smoking has hit an all-time low in the United States, thanks to a greater understanding that smoking is a cause of cancer, heart disease and other health problems.

According to the study, people prefer to slowly commit suicide using means that are considered more healthy.

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Today is Juneteenth, the 153 year old celebration that commemorates the end of slavery!

To commemorate the holiday, Donald Трамп tweeted … “Democrats are the problem. They don’t care about crime and want illegal immigrants, no matter how bad they may be, to pour into and infest our Country, like MS-13. They can’t win on their terrible policies, so they view them as potential voters!”

When asked why Donald Трамп would tweet something like that on Juneteenth, a spokesperson said, “Because he’s black hole,” before resigning to take a job at Fox News.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

That includes signing up for ‘Families Belong Together’ a rally in support of human decency in the United States. Find a local event or come to Washington D.C. on Saturday, June 30, 2018 at https://act.moveon.org/event/families-belong-together/

Former immigrant shelter worker says he was told to separate hugging siblings
https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/19/us/immigration-center-worker/index.html

Smoking hits all-time low in U.S.
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/smoking-hits-all-time-low-u-s-n884621

What is Juneteenth? We explain the holiday that commemorates the end of slavery
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/06/19/what-juneteenth-holiday-end-slavery/713313002/

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1009071403918864385

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.16

Tennessee Democrat John Ray Clemmons introduced a bill to the Tennessee State Legislature to denounce Neo-Nazi groups and white nationalism. The bill was voted down by Republicans in 36 seconds.

Spokespeople for the Republican Party said the bill wasn’t voted down because their colleagues are racist, but because the bill didn’t, “thank any of the good Nazis who do nice things, too, y’know!”

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Seven U.S. service members aboard an American military helicopter that crashed in western Iraq late Thursday were killed, according to U.S. military officials.

People around the U.S. reacted to the news by saying, “We still have soldiers in Iraq?”

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Lawyers for Stormy Daniels, an adult film actress who was paid $130,000 to keep her affair with Donald Трамп silent, told reporters that she was threatened with physical violence if she didn’t agree to the payment.

When asked for a comment on the matter, spokespeople for the Трамп regime said, “No one threatened Stormy Daniels, but if she keeps talking we’re gonna give her a smack in the mouth!”

The spokesperson was then immediately fired by the White House, hired by the Трамп Reelection Campaign, then nominated for Secretary of State.

Aides say that the anonymous spokesperson has also been offered a show on Fox News.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

A resolution denouncing neo-Nazis dies in 36 seconds
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/16/politics/tennessee-white-nationalist-resolution-trnd/index.html

Seven U.S. service members killed in Iraq helicopter crash
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/military/u-s-helicopter-crashes-western-iraq-rescue-underway-n857156

Stormy Daniels’ lawyer says porn star was physically threatened to remain silent over alleged affair with Trump
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/03/16/stormy-daniels-lawyer-says-porn-star-physically-threatened-remain-silent-over-alleged-affair-trump/431167002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.15

Just after Secretary of State Rex Tillerson’s sudden firing Tuesday morning over Twitter, American diplomats around the planet were told not to comment that the firing was a surprise by the Трамп regime.

According to sources, Donald Трамп wanted to ensure that the White House was the only source of ongoing confusion about the firing.

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Former Congressman and current CIA Director Mike Pompeo, the new nominee for Secretary of State, has an extensive record opposing the rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans according to Human Rights Campaign.

When asked for a comment on Pompeo’s reckless prejudice, Трамп regime spokesperson rolled her eyes and said, “No DUH, being anti-gay is why he was nominated! Pfft!”

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Vanessa Трамп filed for uncontested divorce from Donald Trump Jr., on Thursday. Uncontested means there likely won’t be a fight over custody or assets, according to the reports.

When asked if the reason for the divorce was to potentially hide assets from any criminal probe Donald Трамп Jr. could get caught up in, Vanessa Трамп replied no comment while stuffing silverware into her purse.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

US diplomats confused, told not to tweet or post on Tillerson’s firing
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/15/politics/rex-tillerson-firing-state-department-reaction/index.html

LGBTQ advocates see Pompeo as ‘reckless choice’ for top diplomat
https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/lgbtq-advocates-see-pompeo-reckless-choice-top-diplomat-n856881

Donald Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa are divorcing
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/2018/03/15/reports-presidents-eldest-donald-trump-jr-and-wife-vanessa-divorcing/430151002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.03.13

CNN reported today that Paul Manafort could face the rest of his life and almost 300 years in prison, a federal judge said Tuesday.

Americans around the country reacted to the news by screaming, “Paul Manafort is going to live to be over 300 years old?”

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Donald Трамп sent out a tweet Tuesday morning announcing he had fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and appointed CIA Director Mike Pompeo to replace him.

When asked why he fired Tillerson over Twitter instead of face-to-face, Donald Трамп told reporters, “Your mom is face-to-face!”

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USA Today writer Glenn Harlan Reynolds said in a recent column that California’s so-called ‘Sanctuary City’ laws make it ripe for Attorney General Jeff Sessions to send US troops to California to stop insurrection. He compared the Sanctuary laws to the desegregation orders by the Federal Government that required US troops to enforce.

Reynolds has also said that white males have the hardest time in America, so, way to go USA Today! There’s no punchline here, because this actual story is already dumb!

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Paul Manafort faces 305 years
https://www.cnn.com/2018/03/13/politics/paul-manafort-faces-305-years/index.html

Trump fires Rex Tillerson, selects Mike Pompeo as new Secretary of State
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/white-house/trump-replaces-secretary-state-tillerson-cia-director-n856091

Could Trump and Sessions send federal troops to California over immigration?
https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/03/13/trump-sessions-might-send-federal-troops-california-immigration-laws-glenn-reynolds-column/417633002/

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YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2018.02.24

White House Historical Association volunteers have been painstakingly archiving precious historical images and other records.

One image they decided not to archive: a selfie Donald Trump took in the bathroom. NOPE!

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Missouri Governor Eric Greitens was indicted for invasion of privacy over a nude photo he took of a woman he had an affair with in 2015.

After being informed of the incident, Donald Трамп asked that Greitens be nominated for U.S. Secretary of Women’s Affairs.

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United Airlines and Delta announced that they won’t offer discounted rates for NRA members in the latest display of corporate backlash to the pro-gun organization.

United Airlines and Delta said they will still offer cramped seats and weird smells on all of their domestic flights.

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That bathroom selfie thing with Trump is another one of those, “Yeah, that could happen,” kind of things.

Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Librarians digitally archive rare White House images
https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/24/politics/white-house-history-digital-library/index.html

Indictment of Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens could have political ripples
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/elections/indictment-missouri-gov-eric-greitens-could-have-political-ripples-n850931

NRA hits back at United Airlines, Delta, other companies for cutting ties
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2018/02/24/united-airlines-delta-latest-big-names-cut-ties-nra/369950002/

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