YOUR DAILY DYSTOPIA | 2017.09.04

The revelation that Donald Трамп’s attorney reached out to the Kremlin for assistance in building a Трамп Tower in Moscow during Трамп’s presidential campaign shows that he’s dishonest, Democratic Representative Adam Schiff told reporters on Sunday. People in Brooklyn this morning had a different take on the revelation.

“Pretty sure almost every public statement Donald Трамп has made since the 1970s until the present show he’s dishonest, but we get what you mean Representative Schiff,” said one anonymous Brooklyn resident feeling hungover after Jouvert yesterday.

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Following U.S. warnings to North Korea of a “massive military response,” South Korea on Monday fired missiles into the sea to simulate an attack on the North’s main nuclear test site. South Korea’s military said its live-fire exercise was meant to “strongly warn” Pyongyang.

South Korea’s military has also been simulating Twitter attacks on their government made by Donald Трамп. The simulator is a tranquilized Orangutan who’s then given a dose of speed and handed a phone. 6 out of every 9 simulations ends with the Orangutan throwing feces at staff then screaming for an hour.

South Korea’s government feels that those 6 simulations are the best possible preparation for their presumed upcoming meetings with the American president.

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After months of uncertainty, President Trump will announce on Tuesday that he is ending the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals Program, known as DACA, a program that protects nearly 800,000 young undocumented immigrants from deportation.

When asked why Трамп would do something so needlessly cruel, a White House staffer sighed and said, “Because he’s a dickhead. We’re all dickheads. I work for a dickhead.”

The staffer was later seen drinking a bottle of scotch and calling her mom while her coworkers high-fived each other and threw ‘the shocker’ with glee.

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Have you done your part today? If not, take a moment to decide what to do, how you can help, and pitch in! Maybe pitching in for you means telling me I’m dumb, go for it! Whatever it is, make your time count!

Rep. Adam Schiff: Proposed Trump Tower in Moscow shows Trump was ‘dishonest’
http://www.cnn.com/2017/09/03/politics/adam-schiff-russia-cnntv/index.html

South Korea Simulates Attack on North Korea’s Nuclear Site After Test
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/north-korea-claims-h-bomb-test-experts-urge-trump-talks-n798431

Reports: Trump to end DACA, give Congress six months to act
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2017/09/03/trump-daca-deportation-protections-dreamers/622855001/

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